Monday, February 28, 2011

G$'s Sports Bucket List

What do you mean that I can't shove a cigar up your ass?
Since we're all still waiting for something interesting to happen in the sports world, I am forced to write another list post.  2 years ago, I wrote this about the events that I have attended in my life.  For some strange reason, I failed to accomplish the easy follow-up post of what I want to see before I die next week.  But on Friday, when the Grumpster admitted to sexually assaulting some old broad from MASH at a horse race back in the 1840's, the lightbulb in my head went off.  I was able to come up with 12 events that I want to witness before I go.  There are two rules I went with:

1. Pick one event per sport.  Saying "every Yankees home game ever" does not count.
2. I avoided ALL football games.  I just enjoy football much more from the confines of my own chair and TV.  Ready?  OK!  In no particular order:

*North Carolina @ Duke - This needs no explanation really.  It's the best rivalry in college sports and Cameron is the best arena in hoops.  Plus, they let you rape black whores there!
*Gold Medal Ice Hockey Game - I would rather see this than a Stanley Cup game honestly.  I really really enjoy Olympic hockey.
*NFL Draft - Sure, it would mean that I would have to give up Melvin Kiper, but just once I would love to be in NYC booing whoever the Jets pick in person.
*A Big Boxing Match - I picked this over an MMA event because I find MMA to be white trash and ghey.  Boxing needs to make a comeback.  Pacquiao and Mayweather need to get their shit together to make boxing relevant again.  If not, I'm sure that Stallone has another Rocky script ready to roll.
*AVP Tournament - Chicks only.  I'm a sucker for volleyball players with sandy asses.  I don't know how long these things last, but I guarantee that I would have a boner the entire time.
*Kentucky Derby - Self-explanatory.
*Wrestlemania - I went to the 2002 King of the Ring PPV in the 'bus which featured Undertaker vs. HHH, Kurt Angle vs. Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero (in which Chris Benoit interfered!), and Brock Lesnar won the crown.  Yet it was kind of boring surprisingly.  The Super Bowl of Wrestling hardly ever disappoints.
*A Game at Dodger Stadium - I've been to most of the baseball stadiums that I've ever wanted to go to and this place always seemed like a cool park.  Bonus points if they play the Giants so I can see who would win a blood war between Mexicans and Homos.
*Daytona 500 - Ah yes, the Wrestlemania of Racin' (which has a much better ring to it than the Super Bowl of Racin').  One of these years, I'm going to attend a race just to see what all the fuss is about.  It always seemed dirty and boring to me but that's probably why I need to experience it myself.  If anyone wants to give me a free ticket, I'm listening.
*World Series of Poker (final table) - Watching people play cards is boring as shit but it has different meaning if they are playing for 7-10 million dollars.  Plus, I'd be in Las Vegas and that would be better than Ohio.
*The British Open - Most people would pick The Masters but not me.  Augusta seems snooty to me.  I'm not saying that the British aren't, but the birthplace of golf is more appealing in my opinion.  More bonus points if the tourney is at St. Andrews.
*The AVN Awards - Oh come on, who wouldn't want to go to this?  Don't you want to be in the room when the award for Best Anal Scene is given out?  Eventhough you know that Sasha Grey is winning that, you want to believe that Teagen Presley can pull the upset literally out of her ass.

I think that that about covers it.  I didn't pick tennis because I don't want to watch that.  And to remind you again since most of you have likely already forgotten, I prefer my football watching from the homestead.  Thoughts?


Anonymous said...

MLB - World Series game. Hopefully the Cubs would be in it. But any team playing would be sweet

NFL - Super Bowl

NHL - Any Stanley Cup Finals game

NBA - IDK. A playoff or Finals game

PGA - I will go with Augusta, Only place to get me overseas would probably be St. Andrews

I would be down for some Women Volleyball action !

Tennis men/women. Austrailian open. Plus there are some Hot ass Aussie Bitches

Daytona 500 - Ive already been to the Indy 500 a few times. Talladega would be a close 2nd.

NC @ Duke - Same reasons as G$

Kentucky Derby - Suppose to be going there this year for a bachelor party weekend !

College Football - NC Game

X-Games - would be pretty sweet


Grumpy said...

Miami in a BCS Bowl game before I die.

Anonymous said...

I've heard that Bristol is the best Nascar race to go to.

I'm with you on watching football on TV, but big time bowl games are a blast.

I don't remember what golf event this was, but the 16th hole is a huge party and they heckle the golfers. I want to go. I think its in Arizona.


Anonymous said...

You forgot to put WNBA finals. Listening to 400 fans erupt as the home team takes the court would be breath taking.

I don't think I would ever do it, but my brother who is in London went to a professional soccer game this year and sat front row. He told me that no one rivals soccer fans as far as how much they care about their team. He said the experience was incredible. But like I is for queers.

I think I would want to watch a professional Rugby game...just because those guys are fuckin lunatics.

Mr. Ace said...

Cotto/Mayorga isn't big enough for you?

NFC Championship game at the Linc is #1 on my list.

EPL Championship would be fucking nuts. As would the Gold Medal game in the World Cup.

The final table would be fucking HORRIBLE! The last thing I want to do in Vegas is WATCH poker for 12 hours.

Duke/UNC would be fun...but I would still go with a Final Four.

I will go to all of the Triple Crown races at some point in my life. Curlin and Rachel Alexandra have made a if I go in about three years I will see a super horse and a triple crown winner.

I would take Augusta only because it is always fucking miserable at the European Open.

Anonymous said...

NCAA FB - Army/Navy; Iron Bowl

NCAA BB - Duke @ NC

NFL - Super Bowl

I would like to go to a Nascar race, as well. I have heard it is much like hockey in that you don't really appreciate it until you are there.

- Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Any Ryder Cup in the States is a must on my list.

Rupp Arena blows Cameron away.

The Derby should be a must for any human being that enjoys a good time.

IF the Browns were to somehow win a Super Bowl some day, I would like to be in Cleveland to watch the fans burn this place to the ground. Go out with a bang.

I sat courtside Friday night to see the Cavs beat the Knicks, and that was pretty fucking bad ass.


GMoney said...

I'm sorry, seal, but I've been to rupp and rupp is a shithole.

I forgot about army/navy. I'd love to see that.

Ace is a horsefucker. If you used to read his site, you already knew that.

Anonymous said...

Were you there for a UK game?


Grumpy said...

Been to Rupp for a Men's Final Four, a Women's Final Four and a couple Miami-UK games. They built an arena in a shopping mall. Nothing special about the place or the atmosphere.

Anonymous said...

Do they allow black fans inside Rupp Arena? I heard that Rupp's dying words were "No negros dammit!"

Anonymous said...

Grump there was nothing special about the atmosphere - because it was shit Miami coming in there to play. The game was probably over at half-time. Go to a UK/Florida game, then comment about the atmosphere. Sorry a ticket to Rupp doesnt include Ben's cock in your mouth.


GMoney said...

I was there for the ncaa tourney which featured lville and anOSU fans in the same building so I got the atmosphere. It was good but it wasn't great. And the area surrounding rupp is gay.

Drew said...

I'd rather see a big game in Allen Fieldhouse than a game in Cameron. If this lockout gets Sullinger and Buford back in Columbus, then I'm strongly leaning toward going to OSU/Kansas out there next year.

I'd love to see a Stanley Cup Finals game in Detroit...been to multiple playoff games up there.

Augusta for the win.

I'd rather go see the Indy 500 than the Daytona 500....less trash I bet. The fact that my Uncle presents the trophy to the winner of the Indy 500 every year and I still haven't gone, shows just how little interest I have in watching cars drive in circles.

I've already been to the best football game ever played in OSU/DaU whatever on football.

I'd love to get down to the Kentucky Derby sometime...especially if Ace is there fucking horses.

Mr. Ace said...

Me being able to jerk off Uncle Mo in his stall at the Derby is the equivalent to G$ jerking Wally Szczerbiak or Grump fellating the rapist or Drew blowing Tress. But at least mine isn't gay.

I've never been to a Super Bowl but from what I understand it is super lame and corporate. I would much rather go to a conference championship game.

For college football, I would want to go to Autzen to see how crazy it really gets for night games.

Tony B. said...

If you're taking shitholes into account, then you'd rather watch a Dodgers/Giants in SF over the "classic" Dodger Stadium. I'd put AT&T Park up against almost any baseball stadium these days.

I'm shocked you don't want to go to Oakland Coliseum and hang out in the Black Hole for a game. You are a card carrying, t-shirt wearing member of Raider Nation, if I'm not mistaken.

I'd like to see any playoff game at Wrigley. NFC Championship at Soldier Field would be awesome, but I obviously didn't go this past year, so I'm not sure how dedicated I actually am to that goal.

I've heard the Indy 500 is unbelievable. I'd give that a shot as well.

Anonymous said...

Guess who's back bitches!! I've been waiting a while to make my return and now is as good of a time as any. (I am, however, disappointed I wasn't a late round steal in the commenters draft and that everyone forgot about me. Now I'll just be the big free agent signing that helps a team win a championship.)

You guys have hit all the big events I'd want to go to - Kentucky Derby, NCAA Final Four Saturday, Augusta/Ryder Cup - but a few comments.

WSOP is the worst thing you could have listed. I'd rather go to a dog show.

I've been to a beach volleyball tournament and those are awesome. Got hammered and brought beach chairs into the bar and checked IDs at the door.

Would of course go to any championship game a Cleveland team is in or at least join Seal in burning down the city.

What I've always wanted to do is travel the country going to as many NFL and college games as possible. I want to see all the stadiums in the NFL and college as well as many college basketball arenas. I think that would be the ultimate trip. Get a Madden-like bus and cruse the country tailgating all over the place.

That's it for now but I do have a story that goes with Friday's post coming up shortly.

Missed you guys!

-J Beanie

GMoney said...

Holy shit, Beanie is back! Its been a long ass time,brah!

Why don't you just email me your story and ill include it in crazy story week xoming up.

WSOP would be boring but it would also be tense if pros were playing like chau giang or charity greenstein and you would be in vegas after all.

Anonymous said...

I've had a few meetings/run-ins with athletes/celebrities. Here are my two favorite:

A few years ago Seal took me and some guys to the practice round at the Bridgestone Invitational. The practice rounds are great because you get to stand right next to the players, talk with them and get autographs if you want. We were following Fred Couples and some other guys on this particular time. His caddy was wearing a UConn hat I think and Seal and him were talking college basketball. Meanwhile, Couples drove a ball horribly to the right and as he asked his caddy for another ball, I said "It's OK Freddie, you get another shot." He turns and looks at me with a look that were wife would give you when you told her you just paid $44 for a BJ from the ugliest girl on craigslist. "I do? Thanks," Couples yelled at me as he blasted his next ball right down the middle.

The second and better story, when I was living with my cousins in LA in 2004, I got invited to an 80s theme party at Carson Palmer's house. My cousin's husband played QB at USC before Palmer and they are good friends. The night was awesome with keg stands and inappropriate comments to his sexy wife. Matt Cassel was there carrying a football. Carson knocked the ball from Cassel and there as a mad scramble for the fumble. Once order was settled, they made a bet. If Cassel fumbled again, he would have to do 8 shots. If he didn't, Carson would do the shots. After about 45 minutes they said fucked and each did 5 shots. Very entertaining night.

- J-Beanie

Drew said...

I've been to a Ryder Cup...who wants to touch me?

Tony B....The Giants park does look like the shit.

Anonymous said...

I agree with J Beanie. A bus tour around the country going to the best NFL and College Football venues would be outstanding.

-Lil' Strut

Jeff said...

I would've loved to get to rosenblatt in omaha for the college world series, still think the college world series would be awesome.

Anonymous said...

I wanna play soggy biscuit with Big Ben.


Randolph said...

Ive always wanted to go to the rose bowl.

I think it would also be cool to see a night game in death valley or tailgate with the hot chicks in the grove at Ole Miss.

- Seeing a good Big East matchup in MSG would be cool.

- Other than CBJ playoff games, it would be awesome to see a Montreal playoff game. Would be a great trip.

- See a laker game with great seats, sitting among the celebs.

- Any afternoon game during the week at Wrigley.. which im sure some if not most of you have done.