|The Crock was bakin'. BROTHA WAS BAKIN'!|
*If you want me to watch pro wrestling again, this was a damn good start. The Rock came back to the WWE last Monday night and blew the roof of the place just like he used to. I caught most of it live and then watched it again online the next day. It is still tremendous. My favorite part was when he called John Cena a fag. John Cena is a total fag. The Tooth Fairy would kill The Marine ten times out of ten. Horrible movies aside, The Rock is still the shit.
*That guy that you never heard of didn't break the record in a sport that you don't follow. Florida Something University 2B Garrett Wittels failed at his bid to pass Rockin' Robin Ventura's college hitting streak record this week. It's probably for the best since I think that Wittels is still facing rape charges in the Bahamas. At least when Ventura embarrassed himself and ruined his reputation, he did it between the lines, dammit! Yeah, good luck with that international rape case there, slugger.
*The scariest thing on the planet may just be the brain of a retired NFL player. Dave Duerson of Tecmo Bowl/Bears fame killed himself recently. He donated his brain to some scientists and their study. I've read a little bit into this and it sounds terrifying regarding what they find in these things once they are donated. I'd bet that if Trent Green did this, it would just be a black blob of wet toilet paper. And this just goes to show that some people are willing to sacrifice everything (including their future mental health) to play football...yet Albert Haynesworth refuses to play in a 3-4 defense, punches motorists, and then squeezes the titty of an unsuspecting waitress all within a few months. USA! USA!
*Will the Knicks just complete this fucking trade already? Is anyone not sick of this Carmelo bullshit? In fact, this is all that I'm going to say about it. Stop wasting everybody's time. Knicks, Nets, Nuggets, who gives a shit? It's not like he's going to win a title anyway. And those teams are still going to be non-contenders even with his no-defense-playing ass.
*The Iron Bowl just got Mother Motherfuckin' Nature involved. Awesome. Alabama-tard hates Auburn so much that he went all chemistry and biological terrorist on their asses. Killing trees because you hate your rival = outstanding. This guy alone just made the Iron Bowl my favorite rivalry in college football. Amani Toomer wasn't good enough to have a corner named after him either!
*Where "scoring 8 points on the losing team gets you an MVP award" happens. At least it does for that Bieber kid. I tried to watch at least a little bit of the celebrity game on Friday night (I'm a sucker for celebrities playing sports poorly) but I couldn't make it past the Michael Rappaport/Jon Barry training montage which was even worse than you could possibly imagine. Blake Griffin won the dunk contest eventhough McGee and Ibaka should have been in the finals instead of him. Since the ASG weekend is totally played out, I impose some new contests for the all-stars: Name that Kool-Aid flavor, Who will bang the fattest groupie (if the Star Jones rumors are true then put your money on Dwyane Wade), Who has the most traces of drugs in their urine (trick question as it's Chris Andersen), and, of course, a Spelling Bee. I did not watch one second of the All Star game out of spite because Ryan Hollins got HOSED!!!
*Since when was it wrong to spit on grass? Tiger got fined for spitting on the green in Dubai and the announcers went crazy on him because it could effect the players behind him. WTF? Spit? Really? That shit dries in like 20 seconds unless it is especially snotty. Golf etiquette people are fags. Shut up, fags.
*It was nice to see Rainier Wolfcastle win the Super Bowl of Racin'. Oh, it wasn't McBain? It was some goober named Trevor Bayne, eh. Whatever, I watched the end and no one died. What a tribute to his daddy it would have been for Dale to kill himself exactly ten years later. I was disappointed. Where was Hornish? Did they kick him out already for being too bad?
It's good to be talking sports again. Did you hear the breaking news? Carmelo Anthony would like to be traded. And the people of Denver now hate him which is hilarious! ZOMG!!!!!!