Monday, January 10, 2011

The Worst of Wild Card Weekend Vol.IV

A google search for "Taco Bell dog" gave me this.  I'll allow it.
Over Christmas, She$ informed me that there was this place near OSU that was a doggy daycare facility.  We checked it out and decided to send the puppy there two days a week.  Our first trip there was on Tuesday.  And again on Thursday.  I can't tell you how awesome this is.  Instead of sleeping at home all day, now the pup is socializing and playing with 50-60 other dogs from 7am-6pm.  He comes home and he barely moves.  No more random barking spells.  No more playing with the tennis ball for two hours.  Just silence.  It's worth every penny.  I could not recommend this more.  And two days per week is plenty to tire him out.  Apparently, on the first day, he was a little nervous for awhile but warmed up later.  Day 2, he ended up playing with a couple of chihuahuas all day.  I do not like hearing this and wish that he wouldn't play with fag dogs, but whatever.  Maybe he's just trying to show his support for Taco Bell, I don't know.  But enough about the greatness which is "Noah's Bark", I've got a lot of venom to spew.
*The Wings at Barley's - Drew and Ace made them out to be the best ever.  I had them on Saturday and they were OK.  Maybe I just prefer not-heavily-fried wings over grilled and smoked, I don't know.  But I thought that they were just like any other wing that I've had before.  I still put Winking Lizard and Quaker Steak ahead of them.  But the brisket and ribs there were outstanding.  I'm not saying that you guys are wrong, but just that I'm getting the ribs next time.


*Gregg Williams - He should be fired on the spot.  Nice fucking defense.  How do you let not just a bad, but a TERRIBLE quarterback like Matt Hasselbeck and a career failure running back go off in the same game?  Did they even have a gameplan?  Here's what you do to terrible offenses that can't pass:  blitz the shit out of them.  The Saints did nothing and let a rotten offense gash their collective gashes.

*Julius Jones and Reggie Bush - I made my wager on this game before Ivory and Pussy Thomas went on IR.  I wasn't worried anyway.  But I should have been.  There is no doubt that Julius Jones is the worst running back to EVER play in the NFL.  He fumbles ALL THE TIME.  And Reggie Bush might be the second worst.  These two are terrible.  Don't get fooled by Jones' two touchdowns either.  That guy is an abortion.

*The Saints Super Bowl Title - Look, this Seahawks team is awful.  The Saints get up 10-0 really quick and then sucked each other's dicks for the last 50 minutes.  So with that being said, I am mentally stripping NoLa of their Super Bowl last year.  There has to be a bigger punishment than their season being over.  And it's not just the loss that bothers me.  It's the fact that I now have to watch the goddamn Seahawks on TV for a third fucking weekend in a row.  AWFUL.

*Peyton Manning - A run on 3rd and 7 with 5 minutes left and down 4?  Somehow, the media will not blame him for choking again and that's bullshit.  This fucking guy is such a turd.  This is the same Jets team that gave up a million to Jay Cutler two weeks ago.  Peyton plays more and more like a pussy each postseason.  Third down runs?  That is cunt shit.  Go home and massage your drive-in movie screen of a forehead for a few months.

*Jim Caldwell - The Black Andy Reid apparently.  If he actually could speak, I would love to hear why the fuck he called a timeout with 30 seconds left when it appeared that the Jets were going to be cool with letting Nick Folk miss a 50 yard field goal.  Caldwell wanted him to get closer, I guess.  Just a terrible decision.

*#10 for the Colts - Nice.  Whatever this guy's name is, he holds the record for lowest Football IQ of all time.  Let's just remember that Colts fans are fat assholes so they deserve this.

*Mark Sanchez - I'm 100% certain that come Monday morning, Colin Cowfucker will talk about how great this guy is and how he has three playoff wins now.  But let's remember that Nacho still sucks and he didn't win ANY of those games.  I don't know why the Jets never ran the shit out of the ball this year, but they should have.  It works.  When your quarterback blows, you SHOULD run it 18 times in a row.  Fuck Cowherd.  Sanchez still sucks.

*Ed Reed's Brother - Yeah, let this be a lesson, idiots.  If you broke the law and want to run from the cops, jumping into the Mississippi River and dying is a horrible decision.  Take the jail time.  ALWAYS take the jail time.

*The Ravens' History - Jim Nantz said in the third quarter that Joe Flacco had thrown for 220 yards which was a FRANCHISE PLAYOFF RECORD.  How is that possible?  They won a Super Bowl and played in an AFC title game and NEVER had anyone break 220?  Just another reason to hate the Ravens.

*Matt Cassel - Ugh, that was terrible.  I don't really want to kill the Chiefs though.  This was their first time in the postseason with this group so you didn't know what they were going to do.  They'll be back and better in the future because of this guy going away.

*Charlie Weis - Nice call giving Jamaal Charles two carries in the final three quarters.  That is inexcusable.  What the fuck is this Crisco-filled FUPA thinking anyway?  Who goes from NFL coordinator to college coordinator?  That is definitely NOT an upgrade considering your resume is great in the NFL and a dumpster full of dead babies in college.  I hate Weis.

*David Akers - Uh oh, the Philly fans are going to want him cut just like the Bengals fans wanted Shayne Graham cut last year.  That was definitely surprising to see him shank two chippies.  I don't like left-footed kickers.  Joe Nedney and Akers can die for all I care.

*Mike Vick - I'm sort of glad that this season ended like this.  He doesn't deserve to go out on top yet if at all.  He played with a ton of heart and he was definitely hurt, but too many passes behind receivers and balls underthrown did him in.  By the way, did Ace and his Packers fan wife have any sort of wager on this?  I hope that she gets to hold off on boning for a year.  Ace should be punished for being an inferior football fan.

*James Jones - Nice fucking catch, asshat.  He's lucky that Rodgers and stud James Starks FROM Buffalo bailed him out.  I also thought that McCarthy coached like a bitch at the end of the first half.  Good game though and I'm happy with the outcome because I will gladly watch a Falcons/Packers game in which the winner should win the NFC.  Seahawks/Bears will get worse ratings than women's basketball.

*Me - Ouch.  0-4 ATS on my picks this weekend.  Thankfully, I got smart on Sunday morning and bet on the Ravens and Packers.  You just knew that we were going to get Ravens/Steelers and I couldn't help ignore that Vick sort of sucks in the cold.  By the way, I got to witness a complete meltdown on Saturday night.  Went to the Miami/Ohio State hockey game at The Schott.  The 'Hawks took a 2-0 lead into the third period only to lose 5-2.  FIVE goals given up in the third.  It was horrific.  It was like watching someone die.  Pathetic.  I would compare it to the Saints rolling over in Seattle because Ohio State hockey is well below average while Miami was a top ten team (though HIGHLY overrated).  Fuck that.  But I felt better on Sunday watching Miami beat The Ohio's in triple overtime down in Athens 92-88.  That was outstanding.  In case you were wondering, Miami had the last shot at the end of regulation, the first OT, and the second OT.  Each time, our big man ended up taking a contested three out of a timeout.  Charlie Coles is fucking terrible.

Hot damn, the AFC games next weekend should be great.  Three of these four games should be awesome.  I can't wait.  Enjoy the national title game tonight and let me give you a piece of betting advice.  The line right now is Auburn -2.  The SEC has won the last four national titles.  Why would you ever bet against that?  Take Auburn and lay the points.  The SEC eats up finesse football like G$ eats up baby back ribs.

15 comments:

Grumpy said...

Outstanding summary. And the thought of Ace going without for a year gives me a boner.

Flacco sucks. He's going to die
Saturday.

Drew said...

How much does this palace for dogs cost a day?

Good stuff on the meal...did you try the sauerkraut balls?

Suck on that OSU hockey sweep biatch.

Nacho is a hilarious nickname for Sanchez.

Ed Reed's brother is a fucking retard. For some reason I really get a kick out of the fact that they aren't even searching for him.

Is MUDawgFan alive?

NBA thought...does anyone else see the irony in this supposed Carmelo trade that Carmelo, Rip and Chauncey will all end up on the same team?

I definitely think Auburn will win tonight....but, I'll be quacking.

GMoney said...

It's somewhere between $15-$20 which I initially thought was pricy but not anymore.

I've had the kraut balls before (co-worker brought them in).

I miss MUDawg fan. He's probably camping outside the Georgia Dome.

Grump, I agree that Flacco sucks but eventually he's going to beat the Stillers in the playoffs.

The Iceman said...

Cowherd is the biggest fag on the planet. That piece of shit contradicts himself on every horrible show he has. One day Aaron Rodgers is the best QB alive, the next Rodgers is no better than David Carr. Fuck that guy.

No one wins road playoff games better than Joe Flacco. Ravens win...and Flacco's unibrow starts to take over his face in the process.

Carmelo, Rip and Billups will be on the same team about 4 years too late. Rip is about a quarter of the player he used to be.

Anonymous said...

Outside of smashing the B10 on Jew Years Day, the SEC hasn't been very good this bowl season. I wouldn't bet on Auburn just because the SEC has won 4 years in a row. Florida in 2006 has nothing to do with Auburn in 2010. With all that being said, I would still bet on Auburn because I think the month layoff will hurt them less and I think Oregons defense blows. They let Terrelle Pryor carve them up last year.. Just think what Cammy Cam juice is going to do.

I thought the NFL games sucked this weekend. I wish Beast Mode would have done that all season, dammit.

Your dog has to be the biggest <> in the world. Back in Grumpys day they just threw a dog a stick and it would entertain itself for a week.

I forgot how much I hate Mondays since this is my first one at work in a month! FUCK!

Dut

ssreporters said...

What no love for Reid? Let's give LeSean McCoy only 13 carries and waste all my timeouts before the final 3 minutes instead of saving them for a final drive.

Flacco has invisible midgets tied to his ankles and he's got the worst pocket presence of all time.

GMoney said...

Andy Reid always sucks. I'm tired of pointing that out. I will never understand why they ignore their best offensive player only to let Vick get killed back there. And get ready because if the Browns are stupid and hire Mornhinweg, Peyton Hillis is going to get about three carries per game.

LeSean McCoy should ask to be traded.

Dut, what you just babbled about is what you call "a trend" and it isn't a new line of thinking. The trend is that no one touches the SEC in BCS title games. The SEC is 6-0 against the spread. There is ZERO reason to go against that. And teams that rely on timing often come out rusty. Like your mother's vagina.

The Iceman said...

I'll never understand why stiffs like Mornhinweg continue to get chances to be a head coach. We already know he can't handle being "the guy"...especially on a team that is in the "forever rebuilding" mode. I think his stint with the Lions was a big enough indication that he's a walking grease fire. Who elects to kick the ball off in overtime? Who the fuck does that??

Tony B. said...

Did you just admit to going 0-4 over the weekend, then immediately give more gambling advice? I love the confidence! Even Michael Jordan missed game winners, I suppose.

"Always take prison." I had a friend who went to prison for 30 days and said it was like summer camp. He played basketball every day, got scheduled meals and was not ass raped. However, I don't think he went to the same place that Ed Reed's brother would've gone to.

Bears/Seahawks might get low ratings- however, the potential Bears/Packers NFC Championship game would more than make up for it. I know the Packers are a scary team, but I would not mind seeing that match-up.

Drew said...

Dut's comment on the dog cracked me up.

I want Oregon to win for a variety of reasons, but one of them is definitely because Ohio State is the last team that beat them.

GMoney said...

Tony, TECHNICALLY, I went 2-2 and I will never stop giving gambling advice.

I, too, have a feeling that behind closed doors, the NFL wants Bears/Packers. It doesn't matter in the AFC because any combo of those teams will hit a big rating.

Tony B. said...

Jets/Ravens is the worst combo possible in the AFC- all the other ones are fantastic. I don't know why, but that match-up just doesn't excite me.

Daniel said...

Completely unrelated to the post. I was at the Urban Active in New Albany last night and who do I see? None other than WALLY SZERCBIAK (spelling?)! I guess he lives in the area and goes there every day. I figured I should share with G$ in case he wanted to stalk the most famous Redhawk athlete of all time.

GMoney said...

Yeah, I had heard that Wally lived in Columbus. I know he's doing shit for ONN and CBS's college sports channel. He probably kicked your ass for staring at his bulge.

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