Monday, January 17, 2011

The Worst of Whatever This Round Is Called Vol.IV

I like turtles!
I know that I made a promise to a reader a few months ago about my language toward a certain group of peoplewould subside/lessen.  And I like to think that I've done a good job with it.  But I have to break my vow today because I can think of no other description better fitting for how I feel right now:

DAN DIERDORF IS RETARDED.  Not mentally retarded or socially retarded or any other kind of retarded.  He is FULL BODY AND MIND RETARDED.  I imagine that most of you were like me and watched the Ravens/Steelers game.  Every single time that Double D opened his turd-encrusted jaws, I wanted to blow my head off.  He offers nothing to the game.  He gets everything wrong.  He screws up names.  He is horrendous.  He is retarded.  I used to not mind him, but those days are over.  I feel bad for Greg Gumbel and this time it's not just because he has cabbage patch hair.  Why Dierdorf is considered part of the CBS B team, I will never understand.  He is absolutely rotten.  But enough with this retard, let's talk about the worst of the weekend and boy is this going to be anti-Steeler.

Jeff Tripplett and his crew - These guys should never ref another football game.  They were AWFUL.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, why does is ALWAYS seem like the refs dust off all of these seldom-seen rules to benefit the Steelers?  A defensive lineman holding?  That is NEVER called.  On the winning touchdown, yeah, the tight end jumped before the snap.  The PI in the first quarter was questionable at best.  The Webb punt return isn't called back if that game is played in any other stadium.  Just for once, I want Mike Pereira to say on a FOX game that the NFL has told the officials that the Steelers will get all the calls.  Just tell us because this bullshit is getting old.

Joe Flacco - He is just rotten.  He looks like a loser.  Does anyone have ANY confidence that he can lead a 4th quarter comeback?

Ray Rice - Rice lost the game.  Period.  His fumble in the 3rd changed everything.  And that seems fitting to me since he murdered fantasy teams all season.  It feels good seeing him murder his own team filled with murderers, too.

Ray Lewis - Is there a more overrated player in the NFL?  Sure, he's great when runners are within three feet of him but he can't run anymore.  He's old and slow.  He's getting outjuked by something called an Ike Redman.  And he helped kill a guy...can't forget that.

Housh - Nice catch.  KSK perfectly called him "TJ Dropsmandropsdrops".  Fitting.

Anquan Boldin - One catch for -2 yards and a dropped touchdown.  Some difference maker he was.

Hines Ward and Chris Kemoeatu - DIRTY FUCKING PLAYERS.  Period.  Fact.  You know, the Steelers claim to be this classy organization yet I didn't see any Ravens going head-hunting, did you?  Sure, they talk shit like a bunch of fucking pussies and then don't back it up, but I didn't see Suggs take any cheap shots.  Fuck Hines Ward.  Big Ben is so sick nasty in the postseason though.  In conclusion, I feel for John Harbaugh.  That Miami Man deserves better.

My Wife's Rooting Interests - She bases this on who she likes better as a coach.  Get a load of this:
Steelers: He's (Mike Tomlin) just always seems so calm.
Falcons:  He (Mike Smith) looks like James Brolin!
Seahawks:  Pete Carroll looks like -Rex's mom!
Jets:  No reason given but she must be into foot fetish videos.

Packer Fan Racism in ATL - I wonder how many fights broke out inside the Georgia Dome after the Packers' second TD?  Seeing how much those people love Mike Vick for some reason, they couldn't have enjoyed the "KUUUUUUUHN" screams.

Matt Ryan - Win something first, bitch.  Look across the sidelines because THAT is how a quarterback is supposed to play in the playoffs.  Never ever ever throw at Tramon Williams again.  Ever.  Forever ever, forever ever.

Drama for the NFC title game - Is there any doubt that the Packers are going to the Super Bowl?  That defense has shut down the 10-6 Giants, the 2 seed, Mike Vick, and the 1 seed in the last 4 weeks.  Save the drama for yo mama and enjoy a bunch of fat cheeseheads invading Dallas.

Michael Jenkins - The guy can't catch and when he does, he usually fumbles.  Ohio State sucks.  The Falcons need a sold #2 receiver.  Roddy White is great and all, but it would really make them sick if they had any credible threat on the other side of the field.  Santana Moss wouldn't be a bad fit there.

Seahawks/Bears - What a terrible game.  I made it through the first quarter but I stopped after that.  It was just too bad.  Seattle sucks and the Bears are an average team who catch a lot of breaks.  That is all I'm going to say about this one.  Sorry, Tony, but the Bears are just another roadblock on the Rodgers Road to the Super Bowl.  I think that you know this though.  The Bears already ruined one Super Bowl in the last five years, the NFL isn't going to let them ruin another one.

Me Vs. Rex Ryan - God dammit.  I am now 0-5 on wagers placed during the Jets playoff games.  This is maddening.  I can't figure these fucking guys out.

Tom Brady - Shit sandwich.  Just a complete and utter turdburger.  A Filet Poopgnon.  No one is doubting how great he is or his legacy to the sport, but I'm just going to say it now:  Ben Roethlisberger is the best playoff QB over the past five years.  I don't even know how you can argue against that.  Just watch, Ben ain't losing at home to Sanchise next Sunday.

Wes Welker - That was some attempt at being a "good little foot soldier".  Never talk shit about Rex Ryan, cracker fag.

LaDainian Tomlinson - What the hell?  This was a playoff game.  Shouldn't he have been riding a stationary bike with his helmet on and not scoring touchdowns?  I don't know what to believe in anymore.

Bill Belichick - The Greatriots looked flat and made almost zero adjustments.  It was a poorly coached and played game by the "Greatriots".  By the way, for everyone who thought that dumping Moss was a good decision, uh, no it was not.  Instead of throwing 4th down passes to a loser like Deion Branch, he should have been throwing them to a hall of famer.  Fuck New England...they lost to the goddamn Browns this year anyway.  We should have known better than to call them the favorites.

People Who Don't Bet With Jon Kincade - Anyone else listen to ESPN Radio on Sunday mornings?  You should.  Stop reading my still awful picks and listen to Kincade.  He is now EIGHT AND O against the spread in the playoffs.  Insane.

Packers/Bears will be fun.  I know that Ralph Parker's dad will be tuning in once he finishes his "funnies".  I'm looking forward to the AFC game though.  It will be interesting to see what the Jets get penalized for.  Will the NFL dig up a rule book from the 1940's and flag them for "too many blacks on the field"?  Will we see someone get flagged for an unbuckled chinstrap?  A pass interference against Nick Folk?  You never know with the NFL and their constant man-boners for the Steelers.

Oh, I need to get over this.  I am still extremely pissed that at halftime, the Ravens were +17.5 and LOST.  That's my fault though but that doesn't mean that I can't still hate the Steelers.  GO JETS!!!  Who are we kidding, you know good goddamn well that the Packers and Steelers are going to Dallas.


Grumpy said...

What a fucking retard you are. Did you even watch the game? On Ben's fumble he was hit in the head, twice, and there was no call. Oher was moving ahead of the snap every other down because he knew Harrison was going to eat his lunch, no calls. Harrison was held/tackled all game, no calls. Ward pancaked Reed, good block, should have been a no call.

While you and Iceman are watching re-runs of CSI, I'll be watching the AFC championship, played in PITTSBURGH. Blow me.

Drew said...

First off....there is a new Jersey Shore episode tonight at 9. I was surprised to see that last night and figured I'd put out a Shore PSA here.

Both of these games will get monster ratings this Sunday with the four teams involved.

Also...Saturday was the final day for NFL Early Entries. No Buckeyes left early...yet I thought a couple of you fools told me that at least 3 or 4 of the suspended ones would bolt? Huh. (Insert Iceman/G$ comment about how "they are even stupider than I thought").

GMoney said...

Just goes to show that Ohio State doesn't produce NFL-caliber players then!

Yeah, sure, the Steelers are the victims here. Everyone who isn't a Steelers fan must be wrong about this. Why wouldn't I be watching the AFC Championship game exactly? Are only Steelers and Jets fans allowed to watch? I like to watch teams play who are run well and achieve continued success. You know what, I'm going to watch that game anyway! Steelers fans are the pussiest bunch of sensitive pussies ever.

I am aware of the Shore being on tonight yet I have no idea why they are doing this. They did this last season, too.

Anonymous said...

You leave my mom out of this.


(btw, oddly enough, I can somehow see it)

Anonymous said...

I'm not shocked that a moonshine drinking, toothless hillbilly Steeler fan like Grumpy thinks that the Steelers were "hosed" with the calls on Saturday. You fuckin douche bags are the only ones who fail to see the truth. That's fine though. You guys are all too inbred to see what really goes on in those games. Some fuckin Steeler fag brought his terrible towel to the God damn bar on Saturday. To the bar!! Like a gay ass security blanket that infants have. Total fag.

Good job on those fucks from OSU actually living up to their word for once. Way to raise your draft stock from round 5 to round 4. I hope Miller comes in and just crushes shit so when Pryor comes back Tressel tells him its either WR or the bench.

GMoney said...

Uh, how AMAZING was Bart Scott's postgame interview with SalPal where he just screamed the whole time? That gets a Jim Schwartz seal of approval right there.

No fanbase complains about winning more than Steelers fans. It's appalling.

Drew said...

I honestly can't figure out who I want to win the super bowl the most out of these four teams.

Packers -- I like Rodgers a lot...but, I hate the Packers and their fans more than any of the four teams.

Bears -- I don't think they are that good...and Cutler and Urlacher are huge douchebags.

Jets -- Super Bowl week would be fun with them there....but, the thought of them winning it all is very scary with how obnoxious they would be. Braylon is such a huge fag too...and Santonio is not a very good person either.

Steelers -- I'm pretty sick of that white trash Roethilsberger and people like Grumpy.

Fuck all four of these teams. I guess I mind the Bears the least, but I think they are the least deserving.

Grumpy said...

Iceman has penis envy.

GMoney said...

The Packers have 10 guys from the MAC on their roster...SUPER BOWL! And can you really see Goodell giving the Lombardi Trophy to Jay Cutler/Lovie Smith, Big Ben coming off of this past offseason, or Rex Ryan?

I think the Packers win it all by default.

Drew said...

Yeah, but those white trash Packers fans don't deserve it either. They fucking booed Rodgers when he took over the job from Favre. Great they talk about how sweet he is and blow him....fuck that noise. I'd only be cool with it if after the game Rodgers told the crowd that he doesn't give a fuck about them and eh just plays for himself and his teammates. I'd be down with that...but, that would never happen.

Tony B. said...

Oh man G$- one of these years I'm gonna owe you a "Cowboys are gonna dominate, win the Super Bowl, and they are SO great" speech. The Packers are definitely a scary team, but am I just laying down right now and assuming the Bears will lose by 20? Not a chance. Here's what I know- the Bears beat the Packers at in Chicago earlier in the year, the Bears held the Packers to 10 points in Green Bay in a game that mattered zero to them (meanwhile the Packers HAD to win), and Aaron Rodgers scored 0 points and was concussed vs. the Lions. They're good, but they're beatable.

I don't know Rex's mom, but his comment made me laugh out loud.

Anonymous said... all Steeler fans...pays for sex.

Jeff said...

Fuck payin for sex, we just rape bitches!!!!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of rape, has anyone seen the episode of Tosh.0 where Antoine Dotson gets a web redemption and Tosh gets raped by Roethlisberger? Saw it last night. Incredible stuff.

Drew said...

I saw it last week. Antoine still makes me crack up. He needs a reality show.

GMoney said...

Antoine: "People coming up to me offering 10 thousand, 15 thousand, 14 million". Hilarious. And I loved the observation that husband-rape is an issue in Huntsville.