Monday, January 03, 2011

The Worst Of Week Seventeen Vol.IV

That is a BCS quality mugshot right there.
Well, before we get into the NFL action from the final weekend, we should probably choke out the giant elephant in the room.  And that elephant tough guy is none other than former Pitt coach, Mike Haywood.  Wow.  Is this the worst possible weekend that someone can have or what?  This is worse than George O'Leary and Mike Price combined.  Let's see here:  he started off the New Year by choking out his baby mama (by the way, it was hilarious to explain to my dad what a "baby mama" was).  Celebrated Dick Clark's retardery in jail.  Was fired the next day.  And now had his charges trumped up to a felony assault.  First things first, if the bitch is crazy, don't fucking knock her up.  Because if you do, that problem is never going away.  Ever.  One thing that this should teach all men out there is that nutjobs are never worth non-bagging it.  Second, this is Pitt's problem, not Miami's.  Everyone was texting me about this while I finally ended my losing streak at the Blue Jackets games on Friday night and I said the same thing:  "That's Pitt's problem now".  In fact, it was a blessing in disguise that Haywood left after two years.  CLEARLY, he wasn't ready for the bigtime and now he will never be a head coach again.  But he shouldn't be worrying about that now.  He should be focused on keeping his mumu-wearing ass out of prison.  Third, who hits a woman?  I mean come on.

In conclusion, the guy got what he deserved.  It's great to know that his pimp hand is nothing to be fucked with, but in the end, it cost him everything.  Everything.  Promising career.  His son.  His reputation.  All gone like the Parker's turkey after the Bumpus hounds got through with it.  No turkey hash for Haywood.  It's over.  And I guess that that is the worst part.  One moment where he let his apparently insane temper get the best of him and it's done.  But like I said, that's Pitt's problem now.  This has almost nothing to do with my alma mater.  I ended my relationship with him a few weeks ago without being strangled.  I am so happy to have Sugar Don Treadwell running the show now.  Let's get on with the shittiness of the on-field product, but first...

The Big Ten - Nice fucking showing this year.  What a joke.  It's pretty clear to me that Nebraska is a PERFECT fit for that conference.  Who loses to a daywalker QB anyway?

Jimmy Clausen - He better fucking pray that Andrew Luck stays in school because if he comes out, Clausen probably just started his last game in the NFL.  What a terrible player.  Granted, he has pretty bad receivers and running backs, but so does Sam Bradford. 

Colt McCoy - Hey, speaking of horrendous rookie quarterbacks, there's this guy!  Here's the thing that worries about me and why it's stupid to call him a franchise QB---the cold.  He'd never played in cold weather his entire life before this season and he played like pigshit.  If you are going to play in the fucking Snow Belt, you need to be able to PLAY in the Snow Belt.  I'm not so sure that McCoy can or ever will.  And regardless of how good the Steelers are, McCoy was AWFUL yesterday.

Leslie Frazier - Let me get this straight, you remove the interim tag off of this guy AFTER he loses to the Lions?  Makes sense.  Jesus, the Vikes are a terrible organization and I know a thing or two about terrible organizations.  Lions = 4 game winning streak, bitch.  Jim Fuckin' Schwartz.

Chad Henne - He should never see the field again.  Check that, ANY field.  He should be banned from football.

Al Davis - Exactly why the hell is Tom Cable getting fired?  He got the Raiders to EIGHT wins and they went 6-0 in the division!  He should get an extension for 20 years instead of a pink slip.

Julius Jones - Over the last handful of years, Jones has been one of my least favorite guys.  I'm not sure why but he went to Notre Dame and is a pussy.  Yesterday, he had 6 touches for 9 yards and lost a fumble at the one yard line.  He is the reason why the Saints will not be repeating this year.  I am sure of it.

The Bills - Don't you have to try to get beat by the Jets' second stringers by 31 points?

Baltimore - I don't like these convicted felons as much as most people do.  The Bengals gave them five turnovers yesterday yet they lose if Carson Palmer doesn't launch a touchdown pass into the fifth row of the upper deck.  The Ravens are going to lose next weekend.  Fuck Ray Lewis.

Resting your starters - I've got to admit, I liked it that Lovie Smith played his boys all game.  They already have next week off, you might as well try to knock out the Packers while you can.  I think that both of those teams are legit.  Those are the two best defenses in the NFC.

Rex Grossman - The Redskins left about 20 points on the table much like they've done most of the season.  3 turnovers from Rex, a fumble from Santana, a missed 30 yard FG, and a loss of downs...yet they lose by 3.  I can't even begin to describe how much this team pisses me off.  At least the season is over.

Jesus, that's about all I've got.  It was a boring week.  And from what the wild card games look like, it's going to be boring next weekend, too.  KC/BALT?  NO/whoever?  NYJ/IND?  I like the Packers/Eagles game, but the others are turd sandwiches.  By the way, I'll be running my usual spread/over-under contest on Friday for the playoff games.  Please make a note of it.

And finally, Damman was defeated in the Super Bowl by Randolph.  Randolph now becomes the first three time winner which makes sense because he can juggle three cocks at once.  Tim Tebow was just too much for Damman.  Third place was "won" by yours truly.  I am the best.  So there goes another season of the G$FL.  The list of winners:
2010 - Randolph
2009 - Damman
2008 - Damman
2007 - Reba
2006 - GSaul
2005 - G$
2004 - Randolph
2003 - Randolph
You are now the face of the league (besides me).  Wear the crown well, bitch.


Anonymous said...

Sam Bradford has a much better line and has Stephen Jackson Who i hate but is much better than anything in Carolina.. Jimmy Will be fine. He is in a terrible situation in Carolina. Lets see who they bring in as coach.

Grumpy said...

Did Carson Palmer really overthrow TWO open receivers, either of whom would have walked into the end zone?

GMoney said...

Just because the Rams have a RedHawk playing LG does not make it a better line. I'm pretty sure that Jordan Gross has been to a few pro bowls for Atlanta. Jonathon Stewart and Mike Goodson have been pretty solid, too. Jimmy will not be fine because he sucks.

God damn the Rams. They are much more interesting than a horrendous Seahawks team.

GMoney said...

Why yes, Grump, he did. But he underthrew the guy sitting in the 14th row of the upper deck.

GMoney said...

Where is everybody? I know Dut's in New Orleans sucking a poor boy's po-boy, but where is everyone else? NO ONE has anything to say about Haywood?

Tony B. said...

Haywood is dumb- he deserves less ink than OSU players got in discounted tattoos- which apparently is a lot.

I liked Lovie's decision to play the starters for the entire game. Cutler seems to be able to bounce back from bad games this year- I think it has something to do with him being reminded that he can't make every throw by throwing through defensive players. I imagine they will either play the Eagles or Saints next week- either match up would be entertaining.

The Raiders do whatever they want! I'm assuming Cable had a guaranteed option this year had he broken an assistant coach's jaw- which he wasn't able to pick up (this year.)

Drew said...

As far as I'm concerned Haywood is a Redhawk, since he never even coached a practice at Pitt. He and Big Ben are all class when it comes to women. I hope you guys vetted Treadwell real well...he's probably got some charge of fondling a couple nine year old girls on his record.

GMoney said...

It's a good thing that your opinion doesn't matter. If he was still a RedHawk, he would have been in Oxford on NYE prepping for a bowl game instead of training for his MMA debut on his bitch.

And I blame the Bills for what OJ did to Nicole and Ron--this is basically what Drew is saying.

Drew said...

No...I'm saying your Oxford culture obviously breeds baby mama beaters and rapists from your football program. With Treadwell being an alum, he'll probably get caught with girls chained up in his basement.

The Iceman said...

I've been busy dealing with crack heads and 70% of the white trash community. That's why this is the first you're hearing from me.

I think you're being a little too harsh on McCoy considering that he was forced into the starting role when he wasn't even supposed to see the field this year. Keep in mind that he was a 3rd round draft pick...not a first and has seen a fraction of first team snaps in practice compared to the amount that guys like Bradford and Clausen have seen this season. You're being a tad unfair judging a guy by half his rookie season in a year that Holmgren said he would be nothing more than a clipboard holder. Give the guy a chance.

GMoney said...

I'm not giving a Brown a chance because I don't have to. All I'm saying is that to play in Buffalo, Cleveland, Pitt, NE, NY, whatever, you have to be able to brave the elements in Nov and Dec and I don't know if McCoy can because he never has had to.

The Iceman said...

You could say the exact same thing about Bradford. Both Big 12 quarterbacks who played the exact same teams in college.

GMoney said...

Bradford plays indoors. Try again.

The Iceman said...

The Rams don't play road games in December? Ever?

GMoney said...

Not in Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Cincy, etc. Not too many outdoor road games in the elements for an NFC WEST TEAM.

The Iceman said...

This year the Rams played at Seattle in December. Seattle in December can get nasty. Last year they played at Tennesse and at Chicago both in December. Who knows what the schedule will be next year. Even though Bradford is a dome QB, there will be several times in his career he will be forced to play in shitty weather in December on the road. So far his record for playing in questionable weather (last night's game in Seattle) isn't very good. So like I said...the same could be said about Bradford since in pretty much the only poor weather game he played this year, he played horrible.

GMoney said...

Jesus Christ, go home. If you can't understand the difference in game climates between Cleveland and St. Louis, get fucked.

The Iceman said...

Fine. I'll let you have that one. I'll use Sanchez instead. California kid, played at USC...ALL warm weather schools, has made the playoffs two years in a row with the Jets and played in the AFC championship game last year. You can't tell me that team is in the playoffs starting Kellen Clemens instead of Sanchez. Plus McCoy was a better college QB than Sanchez was. It can be done. You just don't think so because he's a Brown.

GMoney said...

Sanchez has never played well in the cold. Go ahead, look back at the games. He has been awful in the regular season in the cold, he ebat the Bengals twice last year because Cincy didn't score and Shonn Greene was tits, and again, he can't throw in the cold.

I'm not writing off McCoy, but I need to see two more years of him playing outdoors in Nov and Dec before I think that he can play here.