|Jay Cutler got "hurt"? I'LL DRINK TO THAT!|
Look assholes, if you take the time to shovel your driveway, take the fucking time to clean up your sidewalk. It will take you an extra 15 minutes tops. As a guy who walks his dog every night, I'm afraid that one day I'm going to blow out my knee trying to trek through this shit. And then I will sue the fucking pants off of the owners of the property. I'm half-tempted just to take the snowblower all the way down the street just to make sure that it gets done. The other half of me considers breaking his leg on purpose just to teach everyone a lesson. It's fucking bullshit. FIX YO' SIDEWALKS. But enough of my neighborhood discontent, let's talk FOOTBALL!!!
James Brown - On the CBS pregame show, he conducted an interview with the E-trade baby. Seriously. That had to have been the low point in his career and he spent years sitting next to Terry Bradshaw.
Carson Palmer - Let me get this straight, he wants a trade out of Cincy or he's going to retire? What a fag. Look, asking to get out of that franchise is not a big surprise since it's the worst organization in football but saying that you are going to retire is such an empty threat. Palmer isn't going to do that. He still has at least five more years of mediocre QB play in him. The Bengals should call his bluff. Let's see if he's a man of his word.
Jay Cutler - What a pussy. At no point did we see any play in which he could have possibly hurt his knee yet he bails on pretty much all of the second half. That is what I like to see. My least favorite QB being a total bitch at the biggest moment of the season. How many times did he miss Hester for touchdowns in the first half? It was at least twice, might have been thrice. He was fucking awful when he played though so it was probably for the best because then we got to see...
THE GOLDEN ARM OF TODD COLLINS!!! - My dad put it best, "Ex-Redskins are not difference makers". Couldn't have said it better! It was nice to see ol' Golden Arm out there again though. He was brilliant.
Lovie Smith - Damn, that took some balls to put in your emergency QB and leave yourself with no options if Hanie and his excellent mustache got hurt. I wonder what they would have done. Maybe Hester in the wildcat? Can Julius Peppers throw? I bet they would have went with Brad Maynard. MAC represent!
Mike Martz - 3rd and 2 and you run an Earl Bennett wide receiver sweep? That is awful. When that play came in, Hanie should have Moxon'ed him and just ran something else.
Bears Halftime Show - Who the fuck is Lee DeWyze? American Idol is fucking trash.
Aaron Rodgers - He wasn't great but I'm not going to put that entirely on him. The Bears defense played REALLY well and continually got to him. Keep in mind, with every playoff win for Rodgers, it only makes Colin Cowherd even more wrong. And I like that.
My pride - I've spent the last four years talking about how much AJ Hawk sucks and how he is a bust, but I apologize because the guy has been great this year. He figured something out to make him a solid player and that is commendable. His wife is still ugly though.
Final take on the NFC Playoffs - Without question, the best team won. That defense is just sick. I can't say this enough, but NO ONE wants to watch the Bears play. They are just a dull and poorly coached team. They would have ruined the Super Bowl. Well done by the Packers though, I'll be rooting for them in two weeks.
Jim Nantz - Can we all agree that he sucks? He really, truly blows. I thought it was awesome when Jimmy was sooooo sure that Sanchez's arm was going forward and FEEL SEEMS kept telling him that he was wrong. I like that SEEMS. FEEL needs to keep putting the Butler Cabin Buttfucker in his place.
Ed Hochuli - Everyone thinks that he's adorable because he can bicep curl a Camry, but it's annoying how much he talks. He uses 45 words when 5 words are necessary. Like if a guy jumps offside, he will include the offending player's name, height, weight, hometown, social security number, and penis size. Other than the penis size, everything else is irrelevant.
Shaun Suisham - Had a kickoff go out of bounds. Still sucks.
Maurkice Pouncey - Jesus Christ, does a Steeler O-lineman get hurt every week? It seems like they do. They have to have, like, four left. I fully expect them to move Byron Leftwich to his natural position of left tackle.
Rex Ryan - Where the hell was the Jets' swagger in the first half? They looked scared which is something that I didn't think that that team would ever be. They let Mendenhall, a good back but nothing special, tear them to shreds. If this is the best that they could give this week, they should have just let the Patriots win last week. Because that was pathetic. It's almost as if beating New England was their Super Bowl.
Big Ben - Eh, he was alright but he's played a lot better in the playoffs. I actually thought that Sanchez outplayed him. But Ben converts third downs. Either way, he gets the chance to win his third ring in two weeks and be 1 and 1a with Tom Brady when it comes to the best QB's of all time.
Brian Schottenheimer - Horrible play-calling on the goalline. Horrible clock management in the 4th quarter. Just a horrible coaching job. Considering his horrible father's horrible playoff track record, this was not a coincidence.
Final Take on the AFC Playoffs - Just like the NFC, the best team moves on. But I can't help be concerned from the shitty play of the Steelers in the 2nd half. And why didn't the Jets go for 2? I could have gotten a push out of that. I suck.
So we've got a Packers/Steelers Super Bowl in Dallas. I can live with that. I already know who I'm rooting for. Either way, we've got the fattest fans in the league going head-to-head with the ugliest and white trashiest fans in the league. Ugh, the next two weeks are going to suck.