Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Why We Hate The Steelers: An Open Forum

Yesterday, a few of us took the liberty to discuss the douchiness of the Steelers and their fans.  A couple Steeler fans did not take kindly to that.  Whatever, they can go drown themselves in the Monongahela River for all I care.  So I figured today, we could do an open forum where we list the reasons why the Steelers suck and why everyone should hate them.  They are all fair game today; from the Rooney family to the hilbilliest of Hill William's that support the black and golden shower.  I came up with 11 but with your help, I'm pretty sure that we can get this list up to a thousand before lunch.

1. White Trash Fans
This speaks for itself.  Steeler fans offer almost zero redeeming qualities whatsoever.  They drink Iron City and Mountain Dew yet consider themselves better than you.  They are incorrect.

2. Steely McBeam
Nice mascot choice.  A gay steel worker is an excellent representation of the team, fans, and city.  Hot stuff comin' through!!!
3. Racist Management
Ben had his issues with penis management.  Jeff Reed got arrested every other week.  Those 4 rings in the 70's were laced with massive amounts of steroids.  But when proven playmakers like Plaxico and Santonio have issues, they are dumped immediately.  If the Rooney family could run a team without black players, I'm sure that they would.
4. Hypocritical Fanbase
None of the commenters here said it (you are innocent of all charges, Jeff and Grump), but there was a pretty large sect of idiots out there who wanted Big Ben traded this summer due to his issues off the field.  Not one of them is complaining now that they are the favorites to win the Super Bowl.  And that is a classic argument made by morons where morals only come into play when you finish under .500.
5. An overabundance of "Steeler bars"
You should see how many of these are around nationwide.  It is ridiculous.  And that means that Steeler-hating isn't just a regional thing, it should be national.  Don't let these mental defectives take over your watering hole!  I don't believe in a zombie apocalype but I am fairly certain that Steelers fans were the inspiration behind The Walking Dead.
6. Black and Yellow is really creative
The Penguins, Pirates, and Steelers all have the same colors.  Gay.  And why do they only have their logo on one side of their helmet?  I bet that they're too cheap to pay for two stickers.

7. 6 Rings but still blame Neil O'Donnell for the one loss
This kills me.  They go into that one Super Bowl not even being remotely as good as the Cowboys yet they blame a career rotten QB like O'Donnell for losing the game!  It couldn't have been because they were the inferior team that day...no way.
8. Creating an unjustified God-like persona for Bill Cowher
Guess what, he wasn't THAT good.  It took Omar Epps two years to do what it took Sgt. Slaughter 14 or 15 years to do.  He probably isn't in anyone's top ten list for best coaches ever.  He ain't no Joe Gibbs.
9. For all of the team's successes, the fans sure do whine a lot
We had this yesterday.  Grump wanted us to chart the number of times that Oher held Harrison.  I will do that only if we do the same thing for Flozell "The Holding Hotel" Adams.  There is no question that the Steelers have received more calls their way over the years than their opponents have yet their fans can't grasp this.  Go ahead and ask me if the Yankees get more calls than other teams.  Yes, they do.  Why?  Because they deserve it.  Don't get all defensive and pissy.  Just say, "you're goddamn right we do because the NFL has decided that we should play all of our games with referee assistance".
10.  Hines Ward is a dirty player
This isn't even a debate.  How many years in a row has the SI player poll had Ward as one of the five dirtiest players in the league?  It's a least five years.  In 2009, he WAS named the dirtiest.  BY PLAYERS.  By people who know more about football than the fans do.  But don't tell that to a Steeler fan because they know more about the game of football than anyone ever.  CHUCK NOLL COACHED THERE, GOD DAMMIT!

and finally...
More like "Terrible 'Norm From Cheers' Impression"
11.  Terrible Towels are gayer than three guys fisting Kordell Stewart at Three Rivers Stadium
Leave your jizz rags at home, fags.  They call them Terrible Towels because they are terribly embarrassing to the game of football.  European soccer fans find those things to be gay.

In conclusion, I would just like to point out that for 30 year old studs like me, the Redskins have won 3 Super Bowls and the Steelers have won 2.  I clearly root for a superior organization.  Eat a dick, Steelers fans.  GO JETS!


Grumpy said...

Hilarious. You actually got one right, #6. They tested the logo on one side to gauge the reaction before they spent the money for both sides. The fans liked it on one side and it has stayed that way.

Drew said...

A few reasons...

*IC Light is a terrible beer.

*I despise the Penguins, which means I hate Steelers fans too.

*The craziest chick I know is a Steelers fan. She's so crazy that I go out of my way to be nice to her the few times he allows her around his friends, just so I don't fall on her bad side. I've seen her punch her boyfriend multiple times...take a potted plant and throw it on his windshield....break the headlights on his car...throw a bottle of beer through his flat screen television...etc. Best part about this? The boyfriend is a huge Buffalo Bills fan...of course a Bills fan would be willing to put up with that.

Anonymous said...

This list is 100% accurate. Steeler fans are pieces of shit - and thats an insult to shit when I say that.

Every Steeler fan I’ve ever met has made a poor hair/facial hair decision. The males of this species typically sport ponytails that manage to touch their ass. Meanwhile the female version of these creatures manage to have mustaches, goatees, neck-beards or all of the above.

J from JBeanie

GMoney said...

Ha, that is pretty funny about the sticker. I had no idea.

That Bills fan will have his revenge.

Female Steelers fans are hideous she-beasts.

Anonymous said...

If you want to argue about referee assistance, how about the fact that the Immaculate Reception, their signature play, was illegal because the refs didn't realize who touched the ball first. Ask John Madden about that one.

Anonymous said...

Looks like an accurate list. I especially agree with number one. All Steeler fans that I know are complete white trash.. Especially commenter Jeff. I guarantee you he's slamming Mountain Dews and pimpin around in his Grand Marquee as we speak. And judging by my picks last week (0-8!), my guarantees are worth a lot!


Anonymous said...

Also, I was unable to watch Jersey Shore last night because I was in White Hall where all the Steeler fans reside. Any updates!?


GMoney said...

Sammi stopped being a bitch. Snooki is a full blown alcoholic trying to shotgun beers before noon while at work. Vinnie's dick has been nicknamed Sea Biscuit. And Ronnie gave us this gem:

"I need a mind condom cuz I'm gettin' mind-fucked."

That about covers it. You already knew that Snooks was going to get arrested and it happened last night.

Drew said...

That's a decent summary. A few other things...

*JWOWW loves her big juice heads. She also pissed behind a bar.

*Situation was down with having a threesome with Snooks and Deena, but Snooks immediately left the bed and Sit decided just to fall asleep rather than bang Deena.

*Next episode they find a Ronnie look-a-like and it looks real funny.

*That girl the Situation brought home from Karma looked ridiculously good.

Tony B. said...

Besides the specific examples, this list might also work for Packer fans.

How dare Snooki funnel a beer that she took from the refrigerator of her work! I mean, it's normal for most work places to have beer in the fridge, right?

Sounds like the Bills and Steelers fan need relationship counseling from Snooki. She'd straighten that mess out.

Jeff said...

The grand marquis sits in the drive for your benefit...intruders will either think we're white trash or under cover cops. Either way nobody's robbing the place!

Anonymous said...

G$ -

This breaking news from footballscoop.com:

Miami (OH): We have just learned that Ashland University offensive coordinator / quarterbacks / wide receivers coach Mike Bath has accepted a position under Don Treadwell at Miami (OH).

-The Other Rex

Anonymous said...

Wiz Khalifa - "black and yellow"

The only good thing to come out of Shitsburgh


No news about Votto 3 year deal?

GMoney said...

Mike Bath back, yo! The Rex Grossman of the MAC has come home!

I assume that Wiz Cauliflower is some sort of rap guy.

Joey Votto has a shitty agent.

Tony B. said...

Joey Votto's agent isn't shitty- he got guaranteed money through arbitration and sent a message to Reds fans "enjoy 3 more years because that's all you'll be getting."

Anonymous said...

The Rooney Rule: white liberal guilt's gift to the NFL, spawning an avalanche of bogus, humiliating, token interviews. Well done.

Drew said...

Ha...Mike Bath choked in the Shoe.

Anonymous said...

Steeler fans are all inbred.

Johnnyhopkins said...

Seriously redskins. I couldn't think of a douchier team. McNabb is just amazing too. But you can't hate the terrible towl. The dead skins tried to make their own shitty white towl.

GMoney said...

Your grammar is fucking awful. And if the Redskins do have their own towels, they are likely for crying into and not acting like a homo with them.

Johnnyhopkins said...

Sorry we all cant waste our college degrees on English majors. But at least you can take defeat like a man.

Anonymous said...

I hate the Steelers going to the Super Bowl because all Toledo news stations go on Hyper Big Ben watch with daily updates. Of course they cannot call him Ben Rothelisberger. It is always Big Ben. It is very annoying. Maybe they will tame down this year since he is a rapist.

Why didnt Mike Bath be the waterboy, the trainer and the SID while he was at it. I am sure there were plenty of out of work still stuck in High School 40 year olds to tell some slow and not very talented wide outs to run a down and out.


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