Friday, January 21, 2011

My Picks Resemble Al Davis

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  KILL IT!
I have to admit that I just don't have the touch this winter.  I went into the bowl season and NFL postseason with more than double the bankroll that I started with yet that has been whittled away slowly but surely over the past month.  I don't know what has happened.  I'm not betting with my heart.  I'm trying to see these things through logically.  But I think I know what's happening...I'm trying to out-think the room and in turn am way over-thinking things.  And that's my fault, but you don't want to hear about that.  We've got football coming this weekend and both games should be pretty entertaining.  First though, let's talk about Al Davis.

One, Tom Cable did not deserve to get fired.  Two, every time the Raiders fire their coach, old Al comes out of his coffin for a wildly entertaining press conference without looking in the mirror first.  And three, good God, how is he still alive?!?!?!  His teeth are black.  His eyes are more red than white.  He has fucking pulsating boils on his forehead.  And it appears that the gash on his forehead, horribly covered up by two band-aids, would reveal his skull.  This man is terrifying.  If you look at him long enough, you will get ill.  So let's move along to the picks portion of the post before we all start projectile vomiting.  The standings, please?

11-5:  Drew
10-6:  Tony B
9-7:  Jeff, mdrgolf
8-8:  Naptown Wolverine, Grumpy, Iceman, Andrew
5-11:  G$, Dut, Mr. Ace--just fucking awful, fellas

Green Bay (-3) @ Chicago O/U 43
If I could go back and look at every bet I made for NFL games this year, I know for almost a fact that I never won a Bears game.  All damn year.  While the Jets are my playoff betting nemesis, the Bears are my all season enemies.  I continue to believe that this team isn't good and that Cutler will kill them.  But it hasn't happened yet.  And I think one thing that is commendable about this team is that they aren't buying into their own hype.  They just focus and play solid football.  They are the anti-Jets so to speak.

On the otherhand, the Packers are finally showing what guys like me thought all along...they are really freaking good.  The defense has been outstanding over the last month and now they get Jay Cutler outdoors in late January.  Wow.  Aaron Rodgers appears to be making the leap this postseason into the discussion of best QB's playing.  And it is well deserved.  He has a great touchdown celebration and has eclipsed Brett Favre.  Is it scary to take a road favorite?  Not really.  Don't outsmart yourself here.  The Packers are the better team.  They have a better offense and defense.  I think that Bears fans know this and are praying for an off night from Green Bay.  Ask yourself this before making your play:  Rodgers or Cutler?  Dom Capers or Mike Martz?  I think that Green Bay takes it to them right away by scoring on their first possession and it really isn't that close.    I'll lay the field goal and take the over.  Packers 27-17.

New York Jets @ Pittsburgh (-3.5) O/U 38
Alright, I spent two days this week talking about how much I dislike the Steelers but it's time to get over it.  Let's realize something here, Big Ben is a better quarterback than Peyton Manning and is clearly the #2 guy if we arbitrarily ranked them (behind Rex Grossman, of course).  Ben will be retired (or incarcerated) before he loses 10 playoff games.  Yet I worry about him this week.  The Jets can get to the passer and the Steelers o-line sucked even before they all got hurt.  This might honestly be Ben's toughest game in the playoffs because the heat is coming and it won't stop.  Troy Polamalu definitely has to play better than he did against Baltimore because I want to see some awesome Troy and Shonn Greene collisions.

The Jets.  The most impossible team to figure out ever.  I mean seriously, who is going to bet on Mark Sanchez on the road!  Yet he's 4-1 in the playoffs.  It's maddening.  The Jets feel like a team that is peaking at the perfect time much like the Packers are.  But while Indy and NE are tough, going to Pittsburgh is a whole different game.  Here's the thing though, the Jets know that they can win there.  They aren't afraid of the Steelers.  Hell, the Jets aren't afraid of anyone.  Rex Ryan has his swagger back.  Apparently, all he needed was his wife's vagina to pop up on the internet.  I continue to believe that Shaun Suisham will cost the Steelers a game but Nick Folk (who looks like that Loughner kid in Tucson) is just as bad.  Ugh, I don't know where to go here...when in doubt take the points.  Does it really matter though?  Whoever wins is going to beat the Bears but lose to the Packers.  Fuck it, give me the underdog and the under.  Jets 20-17.

So look at my record and then look at my picks.  I have the Super Bowl being both six seeds which will never ever happen and just shows how off I am here.  Maybe the smart money is just to moneyline parlay the Bears and Steelers then.  Nah, ain't no fucking way that Jay Cutler is playing in a Super Bowl.  He's banging one of the broads from The Hills, for fuck's sake.  Enjoy the games, see you all on Monday to break them down.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pack/over
Steelers/under

NW

Grumpy said...

Pack/over
Steelers/under

Polomalu had a great game against Baltimore, proving once again you don't know shit about football. LeBeau's defense was designed to keep Troy back in coverage, confusing Flacco and making him tentative. Troy doesn't have to make spectacular plays to be effective.

Drew said...

I am smarter than everyone.

Pack/Over
Jets/Under

GMoney said...

Once again, I guess that all the analysts are wrong and the Steeler fan is right. I read this from more than just one person that Troy had an off game against Baltimore. But I'm sure that you've already broken down all the tape in your Ron Jaworski cave. Go lick Al Davis's temple.

The Iceman said...

Bears - Under. I've been dogging the Packers all year. No reason to stop now. Plus my brother (Packer fan) is going to the game with a disgusting whore. Bad karma.

Steelers - Under. On the heels of another absolutely horrendous call that will tilt the game the Steelers direction (or flat out win it for them) yet will, in turn, get their fans into an uproar about how they never catch a break...as the Steelers suit up to play in the Super Bowl...again...for the 4th time in the last 15 years. Fuckin babies.

Anonymous said...

Iceman- please elaborate on the disgusting whore..

I figured I would get roasted for going 0-8 last week. I guess its hard to roast someone that's tied with you though..

Packers OVER
Jets UNDER

Dut

The Iceman said...

She's super classy Dut. She's dirty grind her ass into brother of the guy she's trying to date's genitals, classy. But hey...Bro is old enough to make his own mistakes. When he catches her "accidentally" blowing someone he can't say he wasn't warned.

Tony B. said...

Bears/under
Jets/over

I like Iceman's breakdown of the Bears' game. His brother going to the game with a disgusting whore makes me that much more confident.

Grumpy said...

Actually G$, I did break down the DVR replay, and I'm telling you Troy had a great game. The so called experts don't think it's a great game unless he makes a spectacular play; you just put yourself in the same room with Mayock, Deion and Florio.

Anonymous said...

I'm starting to think that G$ hates the Steelers more than Ohio State..

Dut

The Iceman said...

The experts don't think it was a great game because the Steelers gave up a shit load of points and Polomalu got run over at the goal line for a TD.

Drew said...

Dut....I think that could be possible, but the fact that his Miami GOAT is their QB will always keep them above the Buckeyes.

Iceman...I suggest getting the "Cheaters" crew on this once you get some solid intel of her cheating ways. By what you are saying, it's probably only a matter of time.

The Iceman said...

I don't know if I need "Cheaters" for this one. The discharge will probably give it away.

GMoney said...

I don't care how big of a whore she is, she has to be the hottest Packers fan. If the Bears win, I'm not watching the Super Bowl out of spite.

Fine, Troy Polamalu is the greatest of all time and has never played a poor game. Even when he sat out with various vaginal infections, it was just to give the other team a chance and his teammates some vital playing time. Getting trucked by a garbage RB like Ray Rice? NEVER HAPPENED.

Can you blame me for hating Steelers fans!!! They are awful but at least they don't cheer for scumbag of the century, TP.

Drew said...

TP hasn't raped anybody yet or that we know of. For that reason alone he's less of a scumbag than white trash Big Ben.

GMoney said...

I shit you not, I just saw a revolting blob in a Packers coat at the gas station buy a Red Bull and three Reese's peanut butter cups. He is more than ready for Sunday!

Wake me when Terrelle Pryor ever wins something.

Jeff said...

BEARS UNDER
JETS OVER

Drew said...

That's what all Packers fans look like.

Sugar Bowl MVP...Rose Bowl MVP........

The Iceman said...

Sugar Bowl MVP...Rose Bowl MVP........


Career NFL backup.

Anonymous said...

GB over
Pitt over

Andrew

mdrgolf said...

Packers and under
Steelers and over

Mr. Ace said...

Packers/Under
Jets/Under

The only important matchup this weekend is Diabetes vs Cutler, and Diabetes never loses.

Bart Scott is going to rape Big Ben during his post game interview.