The NBA All-Star game is coming up which means it's time for the players to hit the youtube's and gain some votes. Cris Bosh has done this before and was supposedly funny, or at least that's what ESPN made you believe. Funny athletes are like decent looking female athletes. If Danica Patrick couldn't drive a race car she would just be another meth addicted Denny's waitress, but she drives a race car so people are compelled to call her hot. Hell, Amanda Beard posed for Playboy! She looks like Sigourney Weaver's ugly brother. But I digress.
Rudy Gay put out a video, "Most Interesting Man in the NBA", and if he wasn't a professional athlete you would think it was created as a promo for the Special Olympics.
But he plays for the semi-pro Grizzlies so people care. Well I don't fucking care and I've brought in Rudy Gay to let him know.
Ace: Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!
Gay: Stop it.
Ace: Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!
Ace: I only know two people named Rudy and one of them wasn't even a real person and eventually became a hobbit in Lord of the Rings. So when I get the chance to chant Rudy, I have to take it.
Gay: I understand.
Ace: And fake Rudy was a lot more interesting. And white. How does a black man get named Rudy?
Gay: Well, my dad was always a fan of-
Ace: Boring! Guess what the name of the guy was who Rudy sacked in his final play at Notre Dame?
Gay: I have no idea.
Ace: Rudy fucking Allen. Rudy sacked Rudy, Rudy. I can see it in your face; mind fucking blown.
Gay: What the fuck am I here for?
Ace: Oh yeah, sorry. I watched your youtube video. How did you come up with that idea?
Gay: We wanted to do something original that no other player had ever done. Something people would love.
Ace: So you copied off the greatest commercial personality ever? If the most interesting man in the world was here right now he would probably let you kick his ass just so he could know what it feels like to get his ass beat by a queer named Rudy.
Gay: Fuck this.
Ace: Oh come on, I'm just joking. Sort of. I mean, your video sucked, but the most interesting man in the world would totally kick your ass. And I'm not completely sold on your homosexuality. You want to see how to do a video? Check this out:
Ace: That is comedic dynamite!
Gay: How is that going to get me to the All-Star game?
Ace: How is it not? Everybody hates Lebron! Do your own Lebortion video making fun of a bunch of NBA players. Throw on a Greg Oden mask and send out some dong shots. Make fun of Brent Berry for letting Tony Parker near his wife. Rip on any athlete who ever associates themselves with somebody named Candy Deepsthroat and is then surprised when her ethics are less then questionable. Go after Rashad McCants for sucking at basketball and playing the role of a bi-sexual shoplifting gangster in a web series with Traci Lords. This shit is too easy. If you would have made that video you would have more votes than Yao Ming.
Gay: You think so?
Ace: I fucking know it. Or if you don't want to offend your peers go with a video like this:
Ace: Mark Titus went from blogger boyfriend of Evan Turner to blogger boyfriend of Evan Turner with the greatest youtube basketball fundamentals video ever! Now he's just an annoying disappointment, but you don't have to be that.
Gay: Damn, I went about this all wrong. Your insight is incredible.
Ace: You're welcome.
Ace: Before you go I just want to do a little rapid fire question segment.
Gay: Sorry, I have to get going, but-
Ace: How big is Diana Taurasi's dick?
Gay: 7.5 inches.
Ace: ...Damn. How disappointed were you that Jim Calhoun waited until 2010 to finally have his health force him to take a leave of absence?
Gay: Very. I sold weed just to damage his health.
Ace: Last one. You've played with both of them, which Gasol has the bigger dong?
Gay: Marc. Easily.
Ace: Really? I thought for sure Pau's camel cock would be the answer.
Ace: Well, thanks Gay. It's been a pleasure.
Gay: Call me Rudy.
Ace: Whatever, fag.
The ACEterview is back, bitches.