Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Hump Day Dump: Wednesday Is Gettin' A Little Gay

The NBA All-Star game is coming up which means it's time for the players to hit the youtube's and gain some votes. Cris Bosh has done this before and was supposedly funny, or at least that's what ESPN made you believe. Funny athletes are like decent looking female athletes. If Danica Patrick couldn't drive a race car she would just be another meth addicted Denny's waitress, but she drives a race car so people are compelled to call her hot. Hell, Amanda Beard posed for Playboy! She looks like Sigourney Weaver's ugly brother. But I digress.

Rudy Gay put out a video, "Most Interesting Man in the NBA", and if he wasn't a professional athlete you would think it was created as a promo for the Special Olympics.
But he plays for the semi-pro Grizzlies so people care. Well I don't fucking care and I've brought in Rudy Gay to let him know.

Ace: Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!
Gay: Stop it.
Ace: Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!
Gay: Seriously.
Ace: I only know two people named Rudy and one of them wasn't even a real person and eventually became a hobbit in Lord of the Rings. So when I get the chance to chant Rudy, I have to take it.
Gay: I understand.
Ace: And fake Rudy was a lot more interesting. And white. How does a black man get named Rudy?
Gay: Well, my dad was always a fan of-
Ace: Boring! Guess what the name of the guy was who Rudy sacked in his final play at Notre Dame?
Gay: I have no idea.
Ace: Rudy fucking Allen. Rudy sacked Rudy, Rudy. I can see it in your face; mind fucking blown.
Gay: What the fuck am I here for?

Ace: Oh yeah, sorry. I watched your youtube video. How did you come up with that idea?
Gay: We wanted to do something original that no other player had ever done. Something people would love.
Ace: So you copied off the greatest commercial personality ever? If the most interesting man in the world was here right now he would probably let you kick his ass just so he could know what it feels like to get his ass beat by a queer named Rudy.
Gay: Fuck this.
Ace: Oh come on, I'm just joking. Sort of. I mean, your video sucked, but the most interesting man in the world would totally kick your ass. And I'm not completely sold on your homosexuality. You want to see how to do a video? Check this out:
Ace: That is comedic dynamite!
Gay: How is that going to get me to the All-Star game?
Ace: How is it not? Everybody hates Lebron! Do your own Lebortion video making fun of a bunch of NBA players. Throw on a Greg Oden mask and send out some dong shots. Make fun of Brent Berry for letting Tony Parker near his wife. Rip on any athlete who ever associates themselves with somebody named Candy Deepsthroat and is then surprised when her ethics are less then questionable. Go after Rashad McCants for sucking at basketball and playing the role of a bi-sexual shoplifting gangster in a web series with Traci Lords. This shit is too easy. If you would have made that video you would have more votes than Yao Ming.
Gay: You think so?
Ace: I fucking know it. Or if you don't want to offend your peers go with a video like this:
Ace: Mark Titus went from blogger boyfriend of Evan Turner to blogger boyfriend of Evan Turner with the greatest youtube basketball fundamentals video ever! Now he's just an annoying disappointment, but you don't have to be that.
Gay: Damn, I went about this all wrong. Your insight is incredible.
Ace: You're welcome.

Ace: Before you go I just want to do a little rapid fire question segment.
Gay: Sorry, I have to get going, but-
Ace: How big is Diana Taurasi's dick?
Gay: 7.5 inches.
Ace: ...Damn. How disappointed were you that Jim Calhoun waited until 2010 to finally have his health force him to take a leave of absence?
Gay: Very. I sold weed just to damage his health.
Ace: Last one. You've played with both of them, which Gasol has the bigger dong?
Gay: Marc. Easily.
Ace: Really? I thought for sure Pau's camel cock would be the answer.
Gay: Cool.

Ace: Well, thanks Gay. It's been a pleasure.
Gay: Call me Rudy.
Ace: Whatever, fag.

The ACEterview is back, bitches.

29 comments:

Drew said...

G$ yesterday..."We'll get a good sense of who they are tonight". I think you motivated the Buckeyes yesterday.

Ace....spot on in how bad that Rudy Gay youtube was. It's funny that he even needs to make one since he's had a top ten season in the NBA so far.

GMoney said...

Wasn't the youngest girl on The Cosby Show named Rudy, too? Speaking of black comedies, have you seen Raven Symone recently? I would "wear that out" and it would be so Raven.

I have turned on Titus. He sucks. We, the huddled masses, MADE him and now he "writes" once every six weeks. He must be too busy planning his wedding that a 22 year old should never be doing. Same thing with that fag Diebler. Who gets married at 22? Ridiculous.

Purdue should have just played 5-on-JaJuan last night. Would have been the same result and would have been more entertaining.

Mr. Ace said...

I don't watch black comedies.

That Purdue game didn't do a whole lot for me as far as proving how good the Fuckeyes are. I'm not too high on Purdue. I think the Illinois game proved a lot more. Craft is sweet, though.

Why the fuck do you know who Raven Symone is?

Drew said...

Titus does suck now.

As for Diebler getting engaged. You called him "rat face" yesterday...I saw a picture of the girl he is engaged to and she is ridiculously hot. In his case, I think it's the smart move. It also gives her time to start studying multiple European languages for their future.

Ace...you don't watch any black comedies? Is this currently or forever? I would assume you at least watched Fresh Prince and possibly Martin. I guess I don't watch any black comedies these days either. Are they even on network TV or do you have to go to the WB?

GMoney said...

I subscribe to "Nubian Queens"!

Mr. Ace said...

I did watch Fresh Prince, maybe even some Jamie Foxx show, and some Wayans Bros. But Tyler Perry has completely taken it over now and ruined it. Black people should hate him.

Titus has sucked for the last year or so...but the Rainmaker video was still sweet.

That fucking Favre Lebortion video is hilarious. That guy should have his own show where he plays Brett Favre and walks around sending dick shots to every girl he meets.

Drew said...

This Tyler Perry character fascinates me. I know he has multiple black TV sitcoms and puts up like a new black comedy movie monthly, but I know nothing else about him.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I can't watch these youtube clips on my blackberry. Don't worry though, that will all be solved in March when I get the greatest phone ever released... Droid Bionic.

OSU would have smashed any team in the nation by at least 10 last night. They played their best game and couldn't miss. They must have known I was going to be in attendance. I have a serious mancrush on Aaron Craft. Holy shit is he going to be good. I can't believe he didn't have many offers coming out of HS.

Dut

Mr. Ace said...

The Droid Bionic does sound sweet, and if the price is right I will definitely upgrade to that. But I'm still waiting on the iPhone 5 this summer.

Bionic: http://mediacenter.motorola.com/Press-Releases/Verizon-Wireless-and-Motorola-Mobility-Announce-DROID-BIONIC-on-Nation-s-Fastest-Most-Advanced-4G-Network-353e.aspx

iPhone: http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/iphone_5_completely_redesigned.php

Limited info on the iPhone...but it will be better than Droid.

PORN ON MOBILE!

GMoney said...

Nobody gives a shit about your phone.

Uh, Craft might not have had a ton of offers because he committed to Bruce Pearl early, then got him in trouble by being a narc, and then went to Thad's loving arms.

Way to sell out your own building last night, fags. That is some passionate fanbase you have.

The Iceman said...

Diebler is marrying a hot chick because he's a semi-high profile athlete. This chick probably thinks he has a chance at earning enough money to buy mounds of coke that would get Lawrence Taylor hard. Athletes date hot chicks...not because the athlete is good looking, but because they are an athlete. Same goes with musicians. The only atheltic exception is that dude A.J. Hawk married. What was his name? Larry Quinn?

Drew said...

I don't get this whole "sell out the building" thing. I actually think it's retarded. I do wish we did better on attendance for most of the games. But, there was something like 17,600 people there last night. That's more than capacity at every other arena in the Big Ten...so we would have sold out every other arena in the big ten. It's just dumb they made such a big arena. A really dumb talking point though when you get 17,600 people at a game.

Anonymous said...

I agree, Drew. OSU was 6th in the country in attendance last year, but they get ripped for never selling out. The games don't sell out because nobody wants to sit in the top rows of the stadium where you need binoculars to see anything. Its a shitty setup for a college basketball arena. I'm jealous of the House of Paign and Mackey Arena because they're smaller and the atmosphere is better (on tv at least).

Dut

GMoney said...

Athletes date hot chicks...not because the athlete is good looking, but because they are an athlete.

--The sport of hockey was founded on this rule.

Don't blame the arena because you can't find more bandwagon fans. Although the arena is an embarrassment to college sports, you have 50K students and 2 million people living within an hour of the gym...selling out EVERY game should be easy.

Drew said...

Disagree. UNC is probably a top four name in college basketball...they have a 20,000 seat arena and they barely sell out half their games.

I do think we will have a few sell outs down the stretch...perhaps as early as next Thursday against Michigan.

The Iceman said...

--The sport of hockey was founded on this rule.

God was it ever. Have you seen the troll Elisha Cuthbert is dating? Sweet Jesus is he hideous. He's like Sloth from the Goonies. That chick is "shit in your mouth" hot and could literally bang whoever she wants and she lands on a guy whose jaw is 3 times the size of Cam Newton's. I would take Sean Avery's "sloppy seconds" any day. I don't even like hockey but Avery will forever be my favorite player after he made that comment.

Drew said...

Yup.....gorgeous girls love hockey players.

Carrie Underwood is married to a bad hockey player. Hillary Duff is married to a hockey player. Google "Emma Andersson"...she won like Sweden Survivor and she's married to Henrik Zetterberg...she's gorgeous. I think back in the day Angie Everhart (love gorgeous redheads) was married to a NY Ranger.

Anonymous said...

FYI - Rupp Arena holds over 24,000 for UK basketball games and it is nearly impossible to find a ticket for less than $75, since everygame is sold out. There is a real fanbase.

Seal

GMoney said...

Thank you, Seal, every once in awhile you can contribute in a positive manner.

Look at all the underage trim that Sergei Fedorov pulled in! HAWT!!!

Drew said...

The days of Anna Kournikova in her prime running around my high school track will never be forgotten. That was the only benefit of going to high school with Fedorov's little brother Fedor.

The Iceman said...

Federov was the bomb in NHL '96 for Sega Genesis yo! No one can stop the wrap around goal.

Anonymous said...

Drew can you please expand on your previous comment...

Seal

Drew said...

Yes.

Sergei Fedorov dated or was married to (seems to be up in the air) Anna Kournikova in the late 90's. He was with the Red Wings. He had a house in the city I grew up in and he also bought his parents a huge house there. He also had a little brother named Fedor Fedorov that was in my high school. Fedor didn't have many friends...he was kind of a douche and he was rarely at school due to the club hockey team he played on. But, both of their houses were probably less than a mile from the high school.

So, on numerous occasions when Kournikova was in town to fuck Sergei she would use our high school's track/tennis courts to work out. There were honestly times in gym where we would come out and she would be running in biker shorts and like a sports bra. For anyone this would have been amazing at the time...for dudes in high school it was more than amazing. Most of the time she would quickly leave the track to go hit tennis balls and get away from all of our boners. But, it was amazing. She and Sergei used to fly around town in his yellow lambo all the time.

Anonymous said...

AWESOME story, considering I am pretty sure most all of us were obsessed with her at one point. I definitely had the poster of her zoomed in ass fixing her panties during a tennis match in my dorm at UK.

Also - Fedor Federov? Nice fucking name. Way to get creative with the first name.

Seal

Drew said...

Fedor managed to get on a couple NHL teams and play a tiny bit. I think he's playing in the Russian KHL right now. I will say he was the best gym class floor hockey player that I have ever seen without a doubt...and I didn't think anybody could actually be good at that game.

His name always struck me as dumb as well.

Anonymous said...

Seal- I don't think anyone would argue that Kentucky cares more about basketball than Ohio. Any more terrible comparisons you want to bring up?

Dut

Anonymous said...

I wasnt comparing the two, dick. I am an OSU fan too. You homo's were just agruing about how many fans fit and show in certain arena's, OSU, UNC, etc... Obviously everyone knows that Kentucky always sells out, but they also do not have a good football team or pro sports, therefore they are all obsessed with the hoops team. Honestly I agreed with you guys in thinking its BS that people shit on OSU for not selling out a 20,000person Arena. I wouldnt wanna sit all the way at the top.

A true college hoops atmosphere should be a smaller Arena with the students right on the floor. I cant believe im saying this, but like Duke's arena.

Seal

GMoney said...

Most of the time she would quickly leave the track to go hit tennis balls and get away from all of our boners.

A true boner would have followed her anyway. A boner with heart is a boner that will never be denied.

I love the direction that this post has gone.

The Iceman said...

From Rudy Gay to Kournikova boners in a matter of hours. Outstanding.