Friday, December 31, 2010

3 Is Apparently The Magic Number

Yep, Jordan knows what's at stake.
Hello and welcome to the final mail-in post of the year.  And today, with the G$FL Super Bowl upon us, let's talk about that and predict a winner of the most average fantasy football league of all time!  First of all, smack talk was waaaaaay up this year which was nice to see.  But what sucks is that it seems like the same people make the playoffs every season and that is strange.  -Rex, Reba, Black, Shags, the Duts, they always seem to be terrible.  I guess it isn't strange if you knew these folk.

So how did we get to this year's YOOOOOOGE matchup of Damman Vs. Randolph?  Well, Damman was the regular season champ and dispatched Mike Vick last week with easily his most complete week of the season.  Randolph knocked out his bitter rival, G$, with the help of Timothy Tebow and an assortment of Chiefs.  I still think that my team is better than both of these guys but whatever, I'm in the consolation for a reason (I'm too good!).

Here is what is interesting (to me at least).  The G$FL is in it's 8th year.  Randolph won the first two years and lost in the SB (TO ME!) in year three.  Damman is on a wild streak as he has made the SB the last FIVE years now and has brought the crown home the last two years.  Damman is going for a 3peat.  Randolph is going for #3.  You can cut the tension with a samurai sword!  Let's look at the rosters and pick a favorite (it won't be Damman because he talks too much shit about his "dominance").  And Uncle G$ hates that.

QB - Matt Schaub.  Good choice since Cassel could only play a half.
RB - Ray Rice and Rashad Jennings.  Rice is fucking terrible but Jennings was a saavy waiver wire pick-up this week although Trent Edwards will definitely slow him down.
WR - Greg Jennings, Kenny Britt, Johnny Knox.  He got hurt by Hakeem Nicks' toe.  I would probably start James Jones over Knox as I KNOW that the Packers are playing the whole game but then again, it's putting a lot of faith in the Pack passing game.
TE - Jacob Tamme.  Gates being hurt hurts and Tamme is showing more each week that he sucks.
FLEX - Ben Jarvus Green-Ellis.  I think that he changes this.  I would.  The Pats are playing for nothing.  Personally, I would use Ronnie Brown here and hope to Christ that he's facing the Pats back-ups come the second half.
Definitely a solid team when healthy but out of all of his runs the last 5 years, this team is the worst.

QB - Tim Tebow.  He could go with Cutler or Fitzpatrick but I like the Jesus start.  The Broncos are always losing so you get a lot of garbage touchdowns.  And it's always nice to have God on your side.
RB - Jamaal Charles, LaGarrette Blount.  I would roll the dice with Charles.  He's too good not to.  Blount has been a stud the second half and the Saints aren't really playing for anything since the Falcons aren't going to lose to Carolina.
WR - Dwayne Bowe, Larry Fitzgerald, TB Mike Williams.  This will change if Andre Johnson plays who neutralizes Damman's QB (HUGE difference maker).
TE - Tony Gonzalez.  They have to win.  The Panthers suck.  He'll probably score.
FLEX - Ryan Torain.  No team should ever start a Redskin.  Knowing what usually happens when the Skins and Giants play, Brandon Jacobs would be a better start in my opinion.  He has Forte and Moreno, too, but neither of those guys are very good plays this weekend. 
This fucker drafted and played the waiver wire PERFECTLY this season when it came to his backfield and receiving corps.

In the end, this is what I look at to decide the league:
Randolph has the better team by far but Damman has been there before.  If Tebow can play Schaub to even, Damman will probably not win.  Plus, Randolph knows Kevin Kurgis and has done business with him.  Damman does not know Kevin Kurgis although I bet KK would have been all over the case the time that Damman was drunkenly jaywalking and got hit by a car.

Randolph wins.  And in the voice of Kevin Kurgis, "no one gets paid if Damman wins".  Be safe out there, enjoy the bowl games, and I'll see you Monday with a weeklong preview of the Bowl.


Drew said...

They are both faggots.

Anonymous said...

dude.. the Redheaded Duts have been solid every year except this year. We can't all benefit from playing the worst schedule like Damman!

This is why my league is far superior to yours- Damman is the face of your league. How embarrassing is that?


GMoney said...

Ummm no. My fucking gorgeous face is the face of my league, you ass. Damman is more like the taint of the G$FL.

GMoney said...

Apparently, we are naming our coach today. And it won't be John Shoop (thank God).

GMoney said...


Your new Miami RedHawks head football coach is Michigan State OC (and Miami alum) Don Treadwell. Great hire.

Anonymous said...

As someone who just won his second consecutive fantasy football title, I like to consider myself a bit of an expert. With that being said, Damman gets rolled.

-Lil' Strut

Tony B. said...

I relied on Schaub in one league and got screwed. I had Tebow on the bench and his Jesus power won me a championship in my other league. By this evidence, I'm going to assume Rudolph wins.

Anonymous said...

Swisher Sweets for all, except you Dut. You will get a Kathy flavored one!!!


Anonymous said...

Lange- Only white trash smoke Swisher Sweets... I guess it's fitting that you're buying them by the carton.


GMoney said...

Uncle T smokes black and milds and I'm not talking about cigars.

The Iceman said...

Damman's team might be the worst championship game team ever assembled. I would be shocked if he gets within 50 points of winning.

GMoney said...

Hold on there, Ice, Tony B won his league last weekend starting Grossman.

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