Monday, November 15, 2010

The Worst Of Week Ten Vol.IV

Nice tits.
I had myself a good time on Saturday night.  Naptown was representing at the Stube in full force.  A lot of faces from beers and high school football games past made surprise appearances.  It was a lovely evening.  I probably enjoyed myself a bit too much though.  The Stroh's and Schlitz's were flowing like wine.  But I made it home unscathed and unarrested nonetheless.  No matter how much I've imbibed over the course of the night, I try to play a calm demeanor when I get home.  As a 30 year old married guy, it's not the best decision to pass out nude on the kitchen floor.  I don't talk too much for the simple reason that I don't want to tell the same stupid stories over again the next day.  Because that looks bad.  But there is always one damn giveaway that lets She$ develop an accurate depiction of how much fun I had that night...my snoring.  And I've been told that on Saturday night, I was a goddamn wild boar.  The house was shaking with each and every struggling breath that I took.  She$ tells me that she kept hitting me to get me to roll over but it was futile.  I was in the middle of a most excellent passout and no amount of domestic violence was going to wake me and my nasal domination.  My drunk snoring is a force not to be reckoned with.  And that isn't going to change.  I could have a sip of High Life and she knows that she won't be sleeping much that night. 

I never understood what it meant when people used the term "sawing logs" when it came to sleep.  Well, the wife does.  Except that when I'm inebriated, I chainsaw fucking redwood trees.  I apologize for nothing.  When you get the chance to booze it up with guys like -Rex, Cramer, and a gentleman who has nude pics of himself freely available on the internet, you do it.  While my wife will argue that nothing in the NFL this week is worse than my breathing, I disagree.  Let's get the worst of week ten rollin'.

*Thursday Night Games - I hate these.  They make no sense and the games are almost always sloppy.  Yes, the Ravens/Falcons game ended up being a thriller, but it still took a half for everyone to wake up.  However nothing compares to that NFL Network booth.  Matt Millen is absolutely terrible.  But he is a thousand times better than Joe Theismann.  He is the absolute shittiest man on the planet.  I've never heard anyone contradict themselves more than Joe does.  Lawrence Taylor should have broke his neck.

*The Lions - First of all, way to go Buffalo!  Bills, baby!!!  The Lions now have not won a road game in their last 25 trips away from Detroit which is, of course, an NFL record.  God they suck.  And two weeks ago, they killed the Redskins.  That makes sense.

*Brett Favre - And the Vikings season is officially over now.  He should just quit.  Did you know that the Bears are 6-3?  They have to be the worst 6-3 team ever, right?  They better not make the playoffs.  And why are games at Soldier Field so bright?  It's almost like they play on the sun.

*Peyton Manning - You suck, faggot.  And exactly why do you throw EVERY pass to Jacob Tamme?  He isn't good.  You killed my DFL team, you bumbling fuck-up.  Get fucked.  Way to lead your offense to 16 points against the shitty Bengals.

*Pierre Garcon - What a turd.  He drops everything (which would explain why Tamme gets all of those looks, I guess).  He fumbled away an easy onside kick recovery and then took his helmet off like a braindead dicksniffer.  Fortunately, the Bengals are rotten and seem to enjoy beating themselves.

*Chad Pennington - Nice comeback, jerk.  What was it, 2 plays?  And Chad Henne still sucks white guy dick.

*Gus Johnson's sanity - That was some finish in the Jags/Texans game.  It was made all that much better with Gus screaming his head off like some sort of insane hobo who just found a bottle of gin in the dumpster that he's living in.  Priceless stuff.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  Love ya, Gus!

*Browns fans - OK, come back down to Earth now.  Stupid people like Damman and The Iceman were wondering if it was possible for the Browns to run the table and make the playoffs.  I said no because that was unrealistic and not remotely possible.  Look, the Browns play hard and they are well-coached.  But they don't have a ton of talent.  At least Braylon didn't do much.  Never forget that Rex Ryan is the superior Ryan.

*Nick Folk - If he was a decent kicker, that game would have not been close anyway.  Keep that in mind.

*Romeo Crennel - Nice job by the Brown Mound letting Tim Tebow score twice on his defense.  Ouch.  The Chiefs were due for a shitty game though.

*TROY SMIFF SICK!  TROY SMIFF SICK!  I still think that the Niners are going to win the West.

*My weirdo love last week for the Giants - Last week, I said that the Giants would be a touchdown favorite over anybody in the league.  And then 7 days later they get destoyed by Jon Kitna and his new daywalker coach.  The Cowboys looked pretty good actually.  But just like the Chiefs, the Giants were due for a stinkbomb.  Which is what I thought was happening when the power went out at Giants Stadium.  A part of me was hoping that the terrorists were vaporizing the Cowboys and Giants franchises.  But I'm a sick fuck like that.

Ummmm, I think that that about covers it.  Everyone seems to think that the Eagles are going to roll tonight.  I disagree.  The Redskins are better.  They proved it 6 weeks ago.  McNabb has a tendency to put up big games after controversy.  I expect the same tonight.  Skins win 24-20.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Carson Palmer was the worst of the week PERIOD !

Irishman

GMoney said...

Palmer wasn't very good but that team has monster issues anyway. T.O. was so good on Monday yet quit on numerous routes 6 days later. And Marvin threw out a challenge in the first quarter, I can't remember the play, that was the dumbest challenge I've ever seen. I think it took the refs 4 seconds to confirm his idiocy.

GMoney said...

Oh, I remember, it was on a first down spot. It was completely moronic.

Drew said...

The Orton Express just keeps chugging along....296 yds and 4 TD's.....NBD. Where you at Iceman?

Troy Smith looked really good yesterday....he had two TD's called back due to holding penalties as well.

I was sure all week long that the Lions would lose to the Bills....they did not disappoint.

Denard just turned the ball over again.

The Iceman said...

I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what stats Orton puts up this year in any game, Drew is automatically going to assume they are elite stats because Orton is a member of Drew's fantasy team. For 3 or 4 weeks straight Orton posted less than 20 fantasy points yet here was Drew...bragging about pedestrian stats. Fine Drew. You win. Orton is having a good year if only to shut you up...and keep using that "insert the blank" just turned the ball over again, or struck out again, or did something again joke. It's definitely not getting stale. Drew just sucked Orton's dick and swallowed again. Pretty funny, yeah?

Drew said...

Iceman got served again.

The Iceman said...

You're acting like the Browns got blown out G$. They lost in OT because Chasi Stuckey is limp dicked fag. The Browns had that game won. The Sunday night game just confirmed even more of what Damman and I believe. The Steelers have now lost to the Saints and Pats...two teams the Browns beat handily this year. Cleveland is a lot closer to being a playoff team than you think.

And I don't wanna hear this bullshit about Folk missing FGs and that's why the Browns were in it to begin with. He missed 2 from almost 50 yards in a swirling wind. Even the best kickers struggle with those kicks. There was one kick...from 26ish yards that was missed that should have been made. But there was also a kick at the end of regulation that would have been negated if an interception wouldn't have been flat out dropped so it all evens out in the end. We were in that game the whole way and could have easily won it.

GMoney said...

Decent kickers make 47-48 yard field goals on the reg. This is why the Cowboys cut him. I never implied that the Browns got blown out but I was saying that it wasn't that close or as in doubt as you think.

Drew's comedy schtick is about as fresh as a Jay Leno monologue.

Grumpy, HOW 'BOUT DEM STILLERS!!! No line, no secondary, no chance.

Anonymous said...

Why are you hating on Browns fans? Our franchise has been on par with the Lions and Bills for the last 10 years.. Sorry for getting a little bit excited when our team starts showing some signs of life. We can't all be spoiled with stellar franchises like the Washington Redskins. For the first time in a while I'm excited about the direction of this team.

I was surprised at the abundance of Napoleon people at the Stube on saturday when I stumbled in there. I wish I could have stayed longer than 15 minutes but all I could think about was a Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell. It was game over after that. Normally I don't notice how drunk people are after I've been drinking, but I remember thinking to myself "wow, G$ is wasted!" You must have been taking body shots with DA.


Dut

Anonymous said...

Iceman- another goat is Rogers not being able to bring down Sanchez inside the 5. He then threw a 30 yard pass that completely changed the field position. What a frustrating loss. G$ acting like the Browns shouldn't have even been in it is ruh-tarded.

Dut

GMoney said...

God dammit, you tools. It is perfectly acceptable to be excited about a normally awful team being competitive against the league's best and showing signs of life again. But don't start calling yourself a playoff team until you're over .500. Fair?

G$ was wasted...Derec A. kept telling me that I was his favorite offensive lineman. I think he wanted to bone.

The Iceman said...

Decent kickers DO make those FGs...I agree. But when you're kicking those in a swirling wind even the best kickers struggle to make from that distance...which is why those were definitely not gimmies yesterday like you seem to think they were.

Dut...great point. That completion was fucking devistating. How many sacks did Sanchez escape with at least one hand on a shoulder pad yesterday? 40? Yeah...I'm going with 40. Not to mention he was doing all of that with a shredded knee. It's just good to see the Browns competitive again...but it doesn't make that loss hurt any less. I'm still not okay with it and it's been almost 24 hours.

Anonymous said...

Dut- it's funny you say that. I actually walked into that place Sat night to see G$ taking a body shot off DA on the bar. He kept telling me to get in on that action so I just left.

-rex

Drew said...

watch it Iceman. I was told by Mr. Ace a month a half ago that swirling winds was not a suitable excuse for poor passing, so I assume that goes with the kicking game too.

Anonymous said...

That was the dumbest challenge ever !. T.O. quit on routes. Only at the end of the game.

Irishman

Anonymous said...

5 year extension $78 Millioin
$40 MIlliion guaranteed
and could be $88 Million w/ incentives

I think this makes the list for the worst of the entire year. Way to go Redskins. McNabb isnt worth half this.

Seal

The Iceman said...

Kicking the ball and passing the ball are 2 completely unrelated actions. They arent even close in comparison.

GMoney said...

I don't hate the extension right now, but that could change in about 7 hours.