Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Bend Over, Chris Peterson, Here Comes The Big Horned Dick

"Sweet turtleneck/polo combo!"--G$ in 1992.  Seriously, who dresses this fucking guy?
Before we get started today, I should announce that G$ is writing this.  Mr. Ace has some personal shit to tend to this week (if Dut is to be believed, Big Ace went under the knife) and we wish him well.  But that still doesn't mean that I'm happy about writing a full week's slate of posts this week.  I thought that I was done with that.  But the Wednesday college football post is always an easy write so let's stop complaining, get crackin', and write a bunch of stupid shit as a tribute to Ace.

*Like the title eludes, Boise is going to get fucked
I just don't get it.  The Broncos started the preseason #3, the two overrated teams ahead of them already lost, they have done EVERYTHING that was asked of them since, and yet they drop in the rankings.  It makes ZERO sense.  Sure, if Auburn and Oregon run the table, they deserve to play for the crown.  I am OK with that because it's how it should be.  But don't give me this bullshit that TCU is better because they aren't and the fucking retard voters need to fix this.  I don't care if it's this week or down the road, it needs fixed.

Utah might have been the worst top 5 team of all time.  I don't care who you are playing, you don't lose by 40 at home if you are a good team.  The Frogs' best win is Baylor.  OK, that's an alright win.  The Bears will probably finish 4th in the Big 12 South but whatever.  Boise State beat the ACC Champion.  I don't care if they lost to West Elementary the following week (and that isn't Boise's fault).  The Hokies haven't lost since and are going to go to a BCS bowl again.  Schedules aside (eventhough Boise State has played a tougher schedule anyway), do any of you REALLY want to watch Texas Christian University play for a national title?  I sure as shit don't.  They aren't exciting.  They haven't built up year after year of goodwill and respect.  Their uniforms fucking suck.  Gary Patterson wears a fag visor.  Andy Dalton is not even close to being like Dalton in Roadhouse.  I don't want to watch them during the regular season so why would I tune in to see them play for a title?  Answer:  I wouldn't.  At least I wouldn't watch much.  This whole "non-AQ playing for the title" is basically the exception for Boise State.  It isn't for anyone else, God dammit.  And don't think that I've forgotten that the Blue Turfs beat both Oregon and TCU last year with this same fucking team.  Should that be a factor for this year?  No.  But "should" it?  Yes.

I was so worried that Kellen Moore was going to get screwed over by a one loss BCS team, I never thought that he be getting jobbed by a fucking school like TCU.  FIX IT, BCS. 

*Cam Newton is a stud
All of this bullshit coming out about the kid now, I don't care.  I love watching the kid play.  OH NOES, A COLLEGE FOOTBALL CHEATED ON A TEST?  My confidence in collegiate sport is shaken to the core!  He doesn't even go to Florida anymore so why would Auburn be punished for that?  If I went to a different company and my current employer announced publicly that I only did work for about 2-3 hours per day, there ain't shit that my new boss can do about that.  As far as the 200K, his dad seems pretty adamant that he didn't receive a dime and college kids aren't smart enough to hide that kind of money so I'm going to believe that he did nothing wrong...right now.  I never trust snitches anyway.  Just give him the fucking Heisman.  If he turns out to be Reggie Bush reincarnated then you deal with it then.  Don't punish a kid before the facts are out (like some asshole voters plan to do).  He is the most outstanding college football player in 2010.  Period.

*Bowl eligibility is reached tonight
Tonight, my beloved RedHawks will go from 1-11 to bowl eligible when they defeat the shitbirds from Bowling Green at Doyt L. Perry Stadium in front of a crowd of tens of hundreds of people.  What a season this has been.  While they have beaten the shit teams and been crushed by the good ones, it just feels good to win again.  And looking at bowl projections only to see MIAMI UNIVERSITY in them, that just feels like a happy ending given by some horrible yet great masseuse.  Fuck Bowling Green, they all have AIDS.

*400 means nothing to me
Joe Paterno has been a rotten coach for a decade now and he is holding his program hostage with his selfishness.  Excuse me if I don't give a shit about his 400th win.  At least he gets to poop in The 'Shoe again on Saturday.

*I call him GAMBLOR
Ohio State -17.5 vs. Penn State - Dude, Penn State is terrible.  The Buckeyes usually play well in November.  Take the Buckeyes and don't even worry about it.  anOSU already had their Big Ten struggle against an inferior team this year.

Miami -2.5 @ BG - I said it above and I'll say it again, Miami rolls tonight.  They are healthy.  They have the better QB and the better defense.  They are still playing for the league title and bowl eligibility while the Falcons season is over.  And you don't even have to give a field goal.  Money.

That's it for me.  I'm better than Ace.  And for the sake of college football, root against every team that TCU beat this year.  That means that you have to want Notre Dame to beat Utah...I feel dirty just typing that.


Grumpy said...

Best wishes to Mr. Ace for a speedy recovery. Probably hemorrhoids.

I want to see Boise vs. Oregon. 80-78 in 7 overtimes.

You may know Mr. Ace. You may be a friend of Mr. Ace. But you're no Mr. Ace.

GMoney said...

I'll take that last sentence as a compliment. It's not him though, it's his old man. Sorry for the confusion.

I actually think that Oregon and Auburn can be one of the sickets offensive games ever played. I hope they both go undefeated but if not, go away TCU.


Anonymous said...

What a homer bet! And how bad does your team have to be to only be favored by 2 vs BG?? They have 2 wins. You are an embarrassment.

And I wake up today and there's even more evidence about Cam Newton's dad shopping his son's services. Its only a matter of time until he's ineligible. Another component of the heisman trophy is integrity. Just give Pryor the damn heisman. At least he only kills people.

What happens if Oregon and Auburn lose? LSU can't win the SEC unless Auburn loses twice... So who the F would play? Boise and TCU? Can we get a goddamn playoff already?


Anonymous said...


JoePa has actually had three 11 wins seasons since 2005 and two 9 win seasons in the same time span. He has also won two conference championships and gone to two BCS bowls during that time. Although he is not doing much of the actual coaching anymore, I would not say he is holding PSU hostage. I think the fans are more than happy to have him there now.

-Lil' Strut

Daniel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Iceman said...

I'm with you G$...I don't have quite the rager about Gargamel Paterno's 400 wins as others may. It's like Favre hanging around for 21 NFL seasons so he can break all the passing records.

GMoney said...

LS, let's give those wins to Tom Bradley then since Paterno doesn't even for sentences anymore let alone gameplans. He probably still thinks that Curtis Enis should get more carries. He is clueless and PSU fans are fucking morons for not wanting him out.

I'm sorry but even if Newton's dad DID ask for money, he didn't get any. And if the Heisman is all about integrity, Troy Smith would have never won and OJ wouldn't still have one.

I was actually thinking about that last night. Auburn beats Georgia this week and then loses the Iron Bowl. But they blast the doors off of that fag narc (he is behind all of this) Urban Meyer in the SEC title game. Do you vault Auburn over TCU and Boise then? I think you would.

Tony B. said...

The mention of Curtis Enis just sent a shutter down my spine. Worst draft pick ever (ya know, besides Cedric Benson and all the other shitty picks the Bears have made over the years.)

Drew said...

G$ do you know that Newton's Dad didn't get any money? MSU said that Cam told them that he had to go to Auburn because it was too much money to pass up. Which brings up the question...if Came was for sale coming out of Junior much did Florida pay him when he was a 5 star out of high school? Gotta love the SEC.

GMoney said...

Big Newton has turned over his financial records and since he apparently was trying to use his son's skills as a cash grab, I doubt that he's smart enough to hide that shit. I'm guessing that he asked for it, everyone told him to get fucked, and they just decided to go where he could play immediately.

But then again, nothing that Southerners do could surprise me. He probably has millions dollars buried in his backyard.

Tony B. said...

If the guys from Office Space can't figure out how to launder money, I doubt Cam Newton's dad can.

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