|You were more interesting when you were played by Chris Farley.|
But the worst part of all of this is that there are nothing but political ads on TV and radio now. And they are all negative and stupid. And I hate it. Who falls for this shit anyway? It is the worst part of a system that already sucks. Mudslinging is gay. Why should I care that Republican John Dickbag voted with George W 7 years ago or that Democrat Petey the TaintBomb was once best friends with Nancy Pelosi? What does that have to do with anything? TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO IF YOU ARE ELECTED. Give me a reason to vote for you, not a reason why I should not vote for your opponent. I hate politics. It is a filthy business that only employs the greasiest snake oil salesmen in the country. This I why I should be named King of America. I would have every politician jailed/raped and America would finally be a utopia where everyone roots for the Yankees and hates Ohio State. And women wouldn't be allowed to drive.
I would be a great King. Anyway, let's talk some NFL. But only the shitty players from the week. You know the drill.
Honorable Mention #1 - Kevin Kolb. Nice job of getting your best playmaker on the outside killed. This is why he sucks. Sure, he had good numbers and all but at what cost? I'm pretty sure that DeSean Jackson is missing his head. When Vick is healthy, he should still be the starter. Andy Reid is a moron though so he will probably stick with the WR Killer. It's probably better to kill dogs than it is your stud wide receivers.
Honorable Mention #2 - The Legend Of Deion Branch. OK, take it easy, Jim Nantz. Branch isn't a good player. Just because a horrible Seahawks didn't want him anymore, they traded him to New England for a sack of kicking tees, and he scored this week does not make this some epic story. So what? Branch blows. Is he the worst Super Bowl MVP ever? Without doing any research at all, I will say yes.
Honorable Mention #3 - Dick LeBeau. Way to make Colt McCoy look decent, you old fuck. You should be kicked out of the Hall of Fame for that.
5. Lions Defense - It's been awhile since I've seen a team less disciplined than this bunch. I think that they average 2 penalties per possession. They are so dumb. And the best part of it is, the Lions will do something retarded, the cameras will show Jim Schwarz and his bitchin' aviator shades, and then Jimmy will squeeze 8 f-bombs into a 2 second shot of him. It's glorious.
4. Jay Cutler - I think it's safe to say that this Bears team is about to fall apart. Who loses to the Seahawks in their own building? Correction--who gets dominated by Justin Forsett in their own building? We've been seeing it gradually building for a few weeks now but it appears that the Mike Martz offense is going to fail yet again. Of course, I say this now and then this weekend they will probably beat the Redskins by 30.
3. Norv Turner - How the fuck are the Chargers 2-4? This makes no sense and they do this shit every fucking year. To be fair, the Rams aren't nearly as horrible as they used to be, but come on...San Diego is a Super Bowl contender (in their minds). But there is one good thing that comes from these really bizarre losses to inferior teams: it's always funny to see Philip Rivers make his stupid faces. That guy is such a queer.
2. The Kyle Orton Express/Tim Tebow - Mark one in the WIN column for The Iceman this week as Orton was a turd sandwich yesterday. He completed around 40% of his passes and threw for one score (which shouldn't have counted anyway but whatever). Orton sucks! Orton rules! The debate continues. And let's not forget about Timothy Christ getting into the end zone for the first time as a pro. I found it pathetic that he was trying to hush the crowd when he was in. That is such a bitch move. You do that in college. This is the NFL, fella, suck it up and deal with the crowd.
1. Wade Phillips/Jason Garrett - Time to get those resumes ready, boys! I believe that I was one of the few geniuses out there that said that Dallas would not make the playoffs. Everybody lineup to suck on my big juicy brain. The Cowboys are done. They are undisciplined (see the stupid Miles Austin celebration penalty). They have no identity (see their stupid playcalling on offense). They are fundamentally poor (see everything about the team). And it all starts at the top. Jerry Jones isn't going to fire himself eventhough he IS the problem and now Wade will take the fall. But it should be Garrett. He has ruined that offense with his finesse faggotry.
I'm sure that I'll have something else to add after the Sunday Nighter. But for now, I need to dig up some dirt on commenter Drew. I heard a rumor that his middle name is Hussein which means that he flew an airplane into the World Trade Center. Both of them. And lived to comment here on a daily basis.