Monday, October 18, 2010

The Worst of Week Six Vol.IV

You were more interesting when you were played by Chris Farley.
For as great as the Fall is when it comes to sports what with football being in full swing, the baseball playoffs, and both hockey and hoops starting up, it is also the time of year when the worst of society rears it's ugly head.  Yes, I'm talking about political ads.  Look, I don't follow politics.  Personally, I think that it's a waste of time.  We should just gather up all of the extremists and send them to their own fucked up country to watch them kill themselves within weeks.  I don't think that it really matters who "controls" the government because nothing in my life has ever changed based on who is in office.  NO ONE EVER ACCOMPLISHES ANYTHING.  Not one politician has ever not been a complete shithead.  I am convinced of this.

But the worst part of all of this is that there are nothing but political ads on TV and radio now.  And they are all negative and stupid.  And I hate it.  Who falls for this shit anyway?  It is the worst part of a system that already sucks.  Mudslinging is gay.  Why should I care that Republican John Dickbag voted with George W 7 years ago or that Democrat Petey the TaintBomb was once best friends with Nancy Pelosi?  What does that have to do with anything?  TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO IF YOU ARE ELECTED.  Give me a reason to vote for you, not a reason why I should not vote for your opponent.  I hate politics.  It is a filthy business that only employs the greasiest snake oil salesmen in the country.  This I why I should be named King of America.  I would have every politician jailed/raped and America would finally be a utopia where everyone roots for the Yankees and hates Ohio State.  And women wouldn't be allowed to drive.

I would be a great King.  Anyway, let's talk some NFL.  But only the shitty players from the week.  You know the drill.

Honorable Mention #1 - Kevin Kolb.  Nice job of getting your best playmaker on the outside killed.  This is why he sucks.  Sure, he had good numbers and all but at what cost?  I'm pretty sure that DeSean Jackson is missing his head.  When Vick is healthy, he should still be the starter.  Andy Reid is a moron though so he will probably stick with the WR Killer.  It's probably better to kill dogs than it is your stud wide receivers.

Honorable Mention #2 - The Legend Of Deion Branch.  OK, take it easy, Jim Nantz.  Branch isn't a good player.  Just because a horrible Seahawks didn't want him anymore, they traded him to New England for a sack of kicking tees, and he scored this week does not make this some epic story.  So what?  Branch blows.  Is he the worst Super Bowl MVP ever?  Without doing any research at all, I will say yes.

Honorable Mention #3 - Dick LeBeau.  Way to make Colt McCoy look decent, you old fuck.  You should be kicked out of the Hall of Fame for that.

5. Lions Defense - It's been awhile since I've seen a team less disciplined than this bunch.  I think that they average 2 penalties per possession.  They are so dumb.  And the best part of it is, the Lions will do something retarded, the cameras will show Jim Schwarz and his bitchin' aviator shades, and then Jimmy will squeeze 8 f-bombs into a 2 second shot of him.  It's glorious.

4. Jay Cutler - I think it's safe to say that this Bears team is about to fall apart.  Who loses to the Seahawks in their own building?  Correction--who gets dominated by Justin Forsett in their own building?  We've been seeing it gradually building for a few weeks now but it appears that the Mike Martz offense is going to fail yet again.  Of course, I say this now and then this weekend they will probably beat the Redskins by 30.

3. Norv Turner - How the fuck are the Chargers 2-4?  This makes no sense and they do this shit every fucking year.  To be fair, the Rams aren't nearly as horrible as they used to be, but come on...San Diego is a Super Bowl contender (in their minds).  But there is one good thing that comes from these really bizarre losses to inferior teams:  it's always funny to see Philip Rivers make his stupid faces.  That guy is such a queer.

2. The Kyle Orton Express/Tim Tebow - Mark one in the WIN column for The Iceman this week as Orton was a turd sandwich yesterday.  He completed around 40% of his passes and threw for one score (which shouldn't have counted anyway but whatever).  Orton sucks!  Orton rules!  The debate continues.  And let's not forget about Timothy Christ getting into the end zone for the first time as a pro.  I found it pathetic that he was trying to hush the crowd when he was in.  That is such a bitch move.  You do that in college.  This is the NFL, fella, suck it up and deal with the crowd.

1. Wade Phillips/Jason Garrett - Time to get those resumes ready, boys!  I believe that I was one of the few geniuses out there that said that Dallas would not make the playoffs.  Everybody lineup to suck on my big juicy brain.  The Cowboys are done.  They are undisciplined (see the stupid Miles Austin celebration penalty).  They have no identity (see their stupid playcalling on offense).  They are fundamentally poor (see everything about the team).  And it all starts at the top.  Jerry Jones isn't going to fire himself eventhough he IS the problem and now Wade will take the fall.  But it should be Garrett.  He has ruined that offense with his finesse faggotry.

I'm sure that I'll have something else to add after the Sunday Nighter.  But for now, I need to dig up some dirt on commenter Drew.  I heard a rumor that his middle name is Hussein which means that he flew an airplane into the World Trade Center.  Both of them.  And lived to comment here on a daily basis.


Anonymous said...

I would comment on your post but I would rather take this opportunity to tell people why they should refrain from your blog and switch to mine. G$ has a poster of Hitler in his bedroom. He once voted for a bill to free all jailed pedophiles and has a platform that supports making rape legal. He owns a Ben Roethlisberger jersey and likes to stick his dick in the jello bowl at parties. Do you want to read the ramblings of guy who wants your children to be raped? I didn't think so...

Anonymous said...

And as much joy as it would bring me to comment on Orton eating farts this destroyed me in one of my fantasy weeks because Brandon Lloyd laid a fuckin egg too. But then again McNabb throwing that pick last night won me a game in a different league so I guess we'll call it a wash. Orton looks like bearded taint skin.

Drew said...

I also flew a plane into the Pentagon.

The Orton Show will come back on track against Oakland next weekend.

The Lions penalties yesterday were indeed ridiculous. I love me some Jim Schwartz though. He does have kick ass shades and a great love for dropping the f bomb all over the place. He also refuses to read books that are written by women, which I think is cool as hell.

GMoney said...

I do own me a Ben Roethlisberger jersey but the rest of those gross statements are false!

Oh by the way, the Redskins defense is horrendous. The secondary has the worst hands I've ever seen. They should have had three picks on Peyton in the first half alone. Those were EASY plays. Carlos Rogers can get fucked.

One thing is for certain about the 2010 Skins though...every goddamn game is going to come down to the last possession.

Drew said...

Look what MUDawgFan got caught doing......

Cops: South Georgia man had sex with dog

By Alexis Stevens

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
10:13 p.m. Sunday, October 17, 2010

A south Georgia man accused of having sex with a dog remained in jail Sunday night, five days after his arrest, a sheriff's office spokesman told the AJC.

Henry Gene Ivey, 39, has been charged with bestiality and burglary after he allegedly broke into a mobile home and had sex with the animal, the Colquitt County Sheriff's Office said.

Neighbors reported seeing Ivey walking two dogs just before 8 p.m. Monday, police said. Ivey allegedly took one of the dogs into the mobile home, and neighbors heard loud noises coming from the trailer, according to the report.

The first deputy at the scene went into the trailer and found Ivey having sex with the dog, police said.

Witnesses said the dog involved was a black mutt about the size of a Labrador retriever.

Ivey is being held on $20,000 bond.

Anonymous said...

I'm actually hoping that I've been wrong about Snortin Orton this whole time since Brandon Lloyd has been carrying a few of my fantasy teams. I'm gonna need those points come playoff time.

When McNabb threw that pick I was so filled with joy I got naked and started doing wind sprints in the street. It was glorious. Look on the bright could be a Browns fan and have nothing to look forward to after week 4. Well, except for watching the physical and mental destruction of a 22 year old rookie QB. That's pretty fun to watch.

Anonymous said...

What a shitty weekend for football! To add to my misery, when I got to work this morning, my coworker comes up to me and asks me if I saw the Columbus Crew game on Saturday night. I quickly say no with a disgusted look on my face (I think I've made it clear to him that I think soccer is faggy). He then tells me the sequence of events that led to the Crew tying it up with a minute to go. It was also the 2nd time in MLS history that a goalie scored! WOW! HOW INTERESTING! FUCK!


Anonymous said...

I think we all thought Mudawgfan was weird.. But holy shit! Rapin dogs? They rapin erbody up in here!


GMoney said...

Drew, why the fuck are you googling "world reknowned dog fuckers"?

Tony B. said...

I watched that awful Bears game and I'm not sure which is worse, their offensive line or the pressure coming from their defensive line.

The Skins/Bears game next week is going to be sloppier than Paris Hilton's vagina.

Drew said...

G$...I was just looking for pictures of Ace.

poker affiliate said...

The Cowboys clearly need better leaderships, and its surprising that Jerry Jones hasnt pulled the trigger yet and fired Phillips. They are just too undisciplined to win games right now, even with all that talent.

Grumpy said...

Colt McCoy was so good he led them to 3 points when the game still mattered. You're a complete fucktard.

GMoney said...

The last time I checked, points scored halfway through the 4th quarter still counted. So did going 23 for 33 in your first start on the road after a horrendous preseason. You're dumber than James Harrison...who should be in jail today for that bullshit that he pulled yesterday.

Anonymous said...

Wow GMoney, im incredibly impressed with you sticking up for the Browns. Your points are actually correct as well. The fact that a flag was not thrown on Harrison for either play and they do throw flags for barely touching a QB's helmet area is a fucking joke.

The Browns offense doesnt score yesterday with Delhomme at QB, glad someone saw that Mccoy wasnt as terrible.


GMoney said...

My points are ALWAYS correct.

Grumpy said...

You're both bigger pussies than the Browns fans crying about their players getting hit.