|These mongoloids could start for the Bills.|
I've been wanting to skewer Subway for awhile now and I just watched the Redskins piss away a win in overtime so let's just say that I'm ready to vent.
Honorable Mention - Mark Dantonio's Heart! I didn't watch one play from this game and have still yet to see a highlight. I was too busy getting amazingly wedding drunk while trying to secure late night Pagliai's chicken breadstix. Both were accomplished. I guess that MSU won in overtime over Notre Dame on a fake field goal. Wank, wank, wank. It was such a dramatic ending that Sparty's coach wanted to die in the locker room afterwards. Man, why couldn't this happen to Urban Meyer. He is so due for some sweet, sweet death. Are heart attacks funny? If you are an asshole football coach then yes...yes they are.
5. The New York Jets Haters - Well, that was quite the dramatic change. For as fucking horrible as the Jets were against the Ravens, they looked damn good against Fagboy Brady. Just because they have some injuries and their quarterback sucks and their quarterback fucking sucks does not mean that they are going to lose 10 games. Rex Ryan ain't fucking going anywhere, bitches. Do you think that Tom Brady sniffs his own farts? I bet that he does.
4. The Redskins and Texans defenses - That was an entertaining game and I was interested to see how both teams would respond from week one's emotional wins. Were either of these teams for real? Can they both make the playoffs? Well, I don't think that either team is for real but at the same time, they sure as Hell can both make the postseason with a break or two. The secondaries on both squads are just rotten. Joey Galloway? Kevin Walter? They shouldn't be having big games in the UFL! By the way, I hate the way that coaches ice kickers. It's such a fag move. This is football. It is not a game of deception and slyness. It's about being a man with a bigger dick than your opponent. Sneaking a timeout in before the snap is pussy shit. Thank God that the Skins can rebound with the assRams next weekend. The Texans have allowed over 425 yards in passing in both of their games this year. Not good. The Redskins can't run the ball and are starting to get hurt. Not good either.
3. Shitty Quarterbacks - It was as if every mediocre QB in the NFL yesterday was just terrible. David Garrard's faux-pimp ass got pined, J-Camp earned his benching, Matt Moore was beyond rotten, Derek Anderson could still not start for most high school teams in Vermont, Joe Flacco was throwing some lovely picks all over southwest Ohio, and Vince Young was dogshit. Total dogshit. And you can't mention terrible quarterbacks without talking about Charlie Batch who, for some reason, is still getting PT in the NFL in 2010. Oh and Tony Romo is still a loser. Never forget about that. Romo is the biggest loser in the NFL. I will continue to scream this until I'm in the grave, if Tony Romo is an elite quarterback then I take part in nightly threesomes with Christina Hendricks and Alison Brie. And that ain't happening.
2. Coaches looking to get fired - It's going to be really interesting to see who gets canned first this year. I don't know about you all, but I love it when people get fired. It's always so interesting. What did they do? How did they react to the news? Was feces involved? I'm so nosy if I hear that someone our floor at work got fired. Even if I don't know the person, I still want to know if they embezzled money or something. Anyway, I think that if the Rams had won yesterday, Tom Cable would be unemployed today. I would have guaranteed that. Really though, I think that this is a four horse race for the first coach with the pink slip and they all BLEW ASS yesterday (other than Cable). Eric Mangini, as I stated on Friday, will not make it past the bye week and the Browns are definitely starting 0-9. The Cowboys were likely counting the Redskins and Bears as wins...whoops. Wade is going back to the ranch early this year. And, of course, Ol' Pederast Beard himself, Brad Childress, is as good as gone. The Vikings aren't good and that offense is terrible. Speaking of that offense...
1. Brett Favre - They say that good things come to those who wait. We've all been waiting for this chicken-fried fuckface to go away for years and he just won't take the hint that we don't want him around anymore. Fortunately, his eroding skills are going to take care of that. I watched a good chunk of this game and Favre was absolutely terrible. And Peterson was KILLING it, too, but it didn't matter because the Cumslinger was throwing more passes right into the Dolphins's chests than he was his own players. It was schadenfreude at it's finest. By the way, I said in my preseason predictions that neither the Cowboys or Vikings would make the playoffs. Yeah, I know more than you do.
God dammit, I can't believe that the Skins let Bernard Pollard block that fucking field goal. We should be two fucking games up on Dallas in the division right now. Bullshit. Oh...what was that? You want to know what sauce I'd like on my meatball $5 footlong? Fuck you. Be nice to Ace tomorrow. He works at Subway and attended Subway University (AKA U of Toledo). Thanks for not being able to stop Jahvid Best, fag.