Monday, September 20, 2010

The Worst Of Week Two Vol.IV

These mongoloids could start for the Bills.
I don't really care for Subway all that much.  It's a generic sandwich that is far from fresh and very far from delicious.  But sometimes, you want to only spend $5 and be full for a few hours and that is where Subway come in to play.  That is the problem though because Subway only hires the dumbest people.  Look, I order one of two things:  the sweet onion chicken teriyaki or the southwest steak and cheese.  Yet EVERY FUCKING TIME I order, those fuck-ups ask me what sauce I want on the sandwich.  Would it still be a sweet onion chicken teriyaki with marinara sauce?  No.  I ordered it because I wanted the sweet onion paste.  And if I didn't want the chipotle sauce, I would have just ordered a regular fucking steak and cheese.  They used to advertise that their employees were "sandwich artists".  Subway must be dropping their standards because these assholes are the worst.  I can't tell you how many times that my "fresh" veggies included numerous strips of brown lettuce and tomato slices that were more black than red.  Subway fucking sucks.  Get fucked, Subway.  I have never had a worse sub in my life.

I've been wanting to skewer Subway for awhile now and I just watched the Redskins piss away a win in overtime so let's just say that I'm ready to vent.

Honorable Mention - Mark Dantonio's Heart!  I didn't watch one play from this game and have still yet to see a highlight.  I was too busy getting amazingly wedding drunk while trying to secure late night Pagliai's chicken breadstix.  Both were accomplished.  I guess that MSU won in overtime over Notre Dame on a fake field goal.  Wank, wank, wank.  It was such a dramatic ending that Sparty's coach wanted to die in the locker room afterwards.  Man, why couldn't this happen to Urban Meyer. He is so due for some sweet, sweet death.  Are heart attacks funny?  If you are an asshole football coach then yes...yes they are.

5. The New York Jets Haters - Well, that was quite the dramatic change.  For as fucking horrible as the Jets were against the Ravens, they looked damn good against Fagboy Brady.  Just because they have some injuries and their quarterback sucks and their quarterback fucking sucks does not mean that they are going to lose 10 games.  Rex Ryan ain't fucking going anywhere, bitches.  Do you think that Tom Brady sniffs his own farts?  I bet that he does.

4. The Redskins and Texans defenses - That was an entertaining game and I was interested to see how both teams would respond from week one's emotional wins.  Were either of these teams for real?  Can they both make the playoffs?  Well, I don't think that either team is for real but at the same time, they sure as Hell can both make the postseason with a break or two.  The secondaries on both squads are just rotten.  Joey Galloway?  Kevin Walter?  They shouldn't be having big games in the UFL!  By the way, I hate the way that coaches ice kickers.  It's such a fag move.  This is football.  It is not a game of deception and slyness.  It's about being a man with a bigger dick than your opponent.  Sneaking a timeout in before the snap is pussy shit.  Thank God that the Skins can rebound with the assRams next weekend.  The Texans have allowed over 425 yards in passing in both of their games this year.  Not good.  The Redskins can't run the ball and are starting to get hurt.  Not good either.

3. Shitty Quarterbacks - It was as if every mediocre QB in the NFL yesterday was just terrible.  David Garrard's faux-pimp ass got pined, J-Camp earned his benching, Matt Moore was beyond rotten, Derek Anderson could still not start for most high school teams in Vermont, Joe Flacco was throwing some lovely picks all over southwest Ohio, and Vince Young was dogshit.  Total dogshit.  And you can't mention terrible quarterbacks without talking about Charlie Batch who, for some reason, is still getting PT in the NFL in 2010.  Oh and Tony Romo is still a loser.  Never forget about that.  Romo is the biggest loser in the NFL.  I will continue to scream this until I'm in the grave, if Tony Romo is an elite quarterback then I take part in nightly threesomes with Christina Hendricks and Alison Brie.  And that ain't happening.

2. Coaches looking to get fired - It's going to be really interesting to see who gets canned first this year.  I don't know about you all, but I love it when people get fired.  It's always so interesting.  What did they do?  How did they react to the news?  Was feces involved?  I'm so nosy if I hear that someone our floor at work got fired.  Even if I don't know the person, I still want to know if they embezzled money or something.  Anyway, I think that if the Rams had won yesterday, Tom Cable would be unemployed today.  I would have guaranteed that.  Really though, I think that this is a four horse race for the first coach with the pink slip and they all BLEW ASS yesterday (other than Cable).  Eric Mangini, as I stated on Friday, will not make it past the bye week and the Browns are definitely starting 0-9.  The Cowboys were likely counting the Redskins and Bears as wins...whoops.  Wade is going back to the ranch early this year.  And, of course, Ol' Pederast Beard himself, Brad Childress, is as good as gone.  The Vikings aren't good and that offense is terrible.  Speaking of that offense...

1. Brett Favre - They say that good things come to those who wait.  We've all been waiting for this chicken-fried fuckface to go away for years and he just won't take the hint that we don't want him around anymore.  Fortunately, his eroding skills are going to take care of that.  I watched a good chunk of this game and Favre was absolutely terrible.  And Peterson was KILLING it, too, but it didn't matter because the Cumslinger was throwing more passes right into the Dolphins's chests than he was his own players.  It was schadenfreude at it's finest.  By the way, I said in my preseason predictions that neither the Cowboys or Vikings would make the playoffs.  Yeah, I know more than you do.

God dammit, I can't believe that the Skins let Bernard Pollard block that fucking field goal.  We should be two fucking games up on Dallas in the division right now.  Bullshit.  Oh...what was that?  You want to know what sauce I'd like on my meatball $5 footlong?  Fuck you.  Be nice to Ace tomorrow.  He works at Subway and attended Subway University (AKA U of Toledo).  Thanks for not being able to stop Jahvid Best, fag.


Drew said...

G$ -- Nice to see your butt is still hurt from my boy Jahvid straight up killing it yesterday. How does my ass taste? It will be nice sitting in first place tomorrow morning.

ICEMAN -- What was that you said on Friday about me joking about Orton going buck this weekend? 307 yards and 2 TD's yesterday. No big deal. Go back to the kid's table with your football opinions.

As for Ace tomorrow...I hope he talks about how sweet the Michigan defense is.

Grumpy said...

You know so much more than everybody that you had the Steelers going 1-3 without Ben. You sucked balls on that one. Nice Subway rant though, although none of us come here for restaurant reviews.

GMoney said...

Oh wow, I got a prediction wrong? I guess that there is a first and a millionth time for everything. Go pull a Dantonio.

Drew, you had a fluke win and I freely admit that you beating me was nothing but a perfect storm of luck. I scored 70 which 90% of the time is good for a W. But every once in awhile, you run into some guy that starts Kyle Orton and pulls one out of his ass. The 15 points you got from Pissboy Nugent was nice and shitty, too. You suck which is good since there is a dick on your chin most of the day.

Drew said...

You were close...scoring 70 is good enough for the W 91% of the time. It's that 9% of the time that I show up on your schedule and a team needs to get into the 90's to grab a W.

Mr. Ace said...

Michigans defense is 3-0, bitch.

Jahvid Best carried me in two of my three fantasy wins this weekend. But he's a Lion so its only a matter of time until he breaks his neck or caught blowing lines off charles rogers cock.

I like Subway, particularly the sweet onion chicken teriyaki.

I told you that Gradkowski would be taking that starting job. Now the Raiders playoff run really begins.

If any coach deserved to almost die in college football, it is Dantonio.

Drew said...

I like Subway too. I pretty much just stick with a regular ham or Turkey and Ham...occasionally dabble with the Buffalo Chicken.

Anybody ever tried getting a pizza at Subway? There are a few around where I work that serve pizza. They aren't bad at all...remind me of a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut.

Upstate Underdog said...

Buffalo's offense could make this list every week.

Drew said...

Before the last play of the first quarter yesterday, Buffalo had -13 yards of offense to GB's 140. I think it took until like the third possesion for Edwards to even be able to get a pass off...Clay Matthews was going beast mode on him all day long.

The Iceman said...

Hey Drew...rely on that performance from Orton every week and come talk to me at the end of the year when you're fingering your own asshole while your league playoff is moving on without you. If Kyle Orton is the best QB you have on your roster and you think you can run the table with him then this sounds like a fantasy football league I definitely need to be a part of. You probably think Arian Foster is gonna have over 200 yards rushing every week too, don't you? Much like the only time you've ever been laid, Orton's performance on Sunday was a fluke.

Drew said...

Iceman...the only team I'll be sitting around fingerring my asshole late in the year will be during my bye week in the playoffs after Orton and Company have dominated the regular season. I don't rely on bums like Arien Foster when I got studs like Adrien Peterson at RB and Roddy "I'm Not" White at WR.

Anonymous said...

You would get the two least healthy subs at subway. The sandwich artist at the scrubway that I frequent has more facial hair than I do.. And its a woman. Sounds like the perfect woman for lil strut.

Mangini has to be the frontrunner of getting fired. Let the Rob Ryan era begin!!

Michigan is going to get owned when they begin B10 play.


The Iceman said...

You really think Orton can take you all the way, don't you? You need to be medicated. There's a reason Kyle Orton doesn't get drafted until the 10th round numb nuts. Fantasy football is won with the quarterback position...especially if you get 6 points for TDs and not 4. You'll be lucky to get 20 touchdowns out of that bum this year and with the way Minny and Favre are imploding, enjoy the feeling of wanting to smash your dick in a car door every week when teams start loading the box to stop AP. You are going to fall victim to TWO shitty QBS this year...Orton AND Favre. How does that make you feel?

Mr. Ace said...

Michigan won't lose in the Big Ten.

It's an unwritten rule that Orton cannot lead a fantasy team to a title. Sorry Drew.

Dut, when did you start becoming such a health fag. Is that why you swallow Jeff's protein?

Drew said...

Iceman...just wait and see on Orton. I'll be giving you updates.

As for dick would break a car door if someone slammed it, so I'm not exactly scared of that scenario.

Tony B. said...

Watching the Bears/Cowboys game was one of the most entertaining things I've seen in years. I hate the Cowboys so much- I didn't even realize how much I hate them until yesterday.

The Iceman said...

"As for dick would break a car door if someone slammed it, so I'm not exactly scared of that scenario."

A dead giveaway that you're dick's the size of a chapstick tube. You probably drive a truck that needs 3 parking spots too, I bet. A little friendly Orton now and maximize his value. Package him and a middle tier RB or WR for a top 5 fantasy QB. In 4 weeks you'll be begging someone to take Orton but by that time you won't be able to give him away.

GMoney said...

Drew is a fag. His fantasy track record makes it a shoe-in that he will blow whatever it is that he thinks he has wrapped up. He should change his last name to Romo.

Drew said...

Iceman....I think you meant to type "caulking tube". I'd rather get advice from David Kahn than you.

G$...If I'm a fag, then you just got your ass beat by a fag.

Shook's Son said...

I'm a fag and I beat ass every night. Especially yours, Drew. You better wax your gooch before our next rendezvous or I will untie your balloon knot.