Monday, September 27, 2010

The Worst Of Week Three Vol.IV

I liked this guy the first time...when he was called RoboCop.
Two weeks ago, I had to run to the grocery store around 9 pm because we were out of Diet Mountain Dew and ziploc bags.  Yes, it was a major crisis in the house.  I'm driving up to the store and see a line of guys stacked 20+ deep outside of another establishment.  They were waiting outside of a GameStop.  I wondered why until I saw the posters in the windows.  The new fucking HALO game was being released at midnight and they were waiting in line to purchase it.  Look, I've grown out of my video game phase.  I used to play NCAA Football and Madden until my thumbs bled but that was when I was living on my own and had nothing better to do.  Now that I'm older, I've realized that at some point in every man's life, you need to decide if you are going to contribute to society or not.  Fucking losers who sit on a sidewalk waiting to buy a video game for losers is the definition of "shithead".  Get a fucking life.  You are grown men.  Do something with yourself!  That is embarrassing.  Is it so wrong to wait until the next day to purchase a game?  Are you really that irrelevant that sitting on a sidewalk for hours is considered a good idea?  HALO is lame anyway.  If you want to shoot someone and accomplish something, join the fucking military.  At least there you will be doing something with your life.  I hate fucking nerds.

And you better believe that I secured that Diet Mountain Dew and sandwich bags.  THAT is what you call an accomplishment!

Before we get going, what an inspiring two touchdown loss that was for the Redskins yesterday.  Yes, that's two of the last three years in which the Rams have prevailed over us.  I used to think that eventhough we finish last in the division every year, at least we get to the play the Rams now.  Maybe it's the other way around and the Rams are happy to play the Skins every year.  The defense sucks.  Stephon Heyer is the worst player in football.  Nobody can hang on to the ball.  It's embarrassing.  Although for as shitty as the NFC East is this year, 7 wins might win the division.  Let's get this going.

Honorable Mention:  Carson Palmer.  This guy is fucking terrible.  He's done.  The Bengals are least offensively.

Honorable Mention Part 2:  Rex Ryan's Discipline.  Really?  Suspending Beardo Edwards for one whole quarter for his crazy DWI.  I never thought that I could be so disappointed in a man that awesome.  Be a man and sit his ass, Rex.  Then you can go get yourself a goddamn snack.

5. Eli Manning - God, the Giants are a mess.  I'm sort of thinking that may have quit on Tom Coughlin due to his red cheeks and rat-like features.  So far, the 2010 Orlovsky Award for most retarded play of the year has to be that weirdo left-handed interception that 'Tard Manning threw yesterday in the end zone.  That was hilarious.

4. Kareem Jackson - Who?  Oh, he's just the rookie CB that got torched by Roy E. Williams yesterday.  I said it last week and I'll say it again:  Houston's pass defense is fucking AWFUL.  Roy E. is easily the worst WR in football and they made him look like Jerry Rice.  And how about Roy E giving the Texas horns after both of his scores!  He must not have seen his alma mater get their shit stomped by a putrid UCLA team on Saturday.

3. The Chargers - What the hell is wrong with these guys?  Them sucking in September has become an annual occurrence.  How can you give up two kick off returns for touchdowns?  And I am so sick of Phil Rivers' stupid faces.  He is a douche...plain and simple.  I can't believe that anyone on the Chargers actually likes him.  Oh and Norv Turner teams are always frauds.  Never forget that.

2. Garrett Hartley - Seriously, Sean Payton, you need a new kicker.  How many times can they trot that loser out there hoping that he doesn't lose games.  A 29 yarder?!!?!?!  Only the Redskins miss 29 yard field goals.  That was damn solid game though and the Falcons showed a lot of heart.  In the second quarter, they went on a 19 play, 11 minute drive.  That is flat out sick.

1. Mike Singletary - Wow.  I thought that it was a shoe-in when I placed that wager on the Niners winning over 8.5 games.  It seemed too good to be true.  And it was because the 49ers suck.  They are just rolling over and dying out there.  They've tuned the big cross necklace out.  He's not getting through anymore.  Singletary has to go and he can take Alex Smith with him.  The Niners are easily the biggest disappointment in the league this year and no one is really even close (although Ray Rice and his supreme shittiness has to rank second currently).

You know, I banged pretty hard on those video game nerds earlier in this post and I'm going to have to retract that a bit.  Playing Halo with other pedophiles across the country has to be more fun than watching the Redskins clumsily fuck a football for three hours each week.


Drew said...

You could put Percy Harvin on this list for being such a bitch that after he caught a TD the trainers were doing concussion testing on him on the bench.

I hate Favre.

Iceman....Orton for 476 yards and a TD.....NBD.

GMoney said...

Orton for 476 and 13 is that even possible?

Good time at our little party thingy on Saturday night. I spent all day yesterday trying to not vomit all over the living room. I was trying to get the video from our Napoleon war cry on here but it doesn't appear possible as Facebook video sucks nuts and apparently can not be embedded elsewhere.

Mr. Ace said...

Mike Vick for MVP!

Hartley is a bum, but why the fuck would you attempt a FG on first down? Just throw it to Lance Moore.

I'm glad this Redskins blowjob fest is finally over. I told you they would be terrible, and they are. Maybe next year.

I still dominate people in Madden, but wouldn't be caught dead inside or outside a Gamestop.

GMoney said...

Whoa there. I talk about the Skins an appropriate amount here. I've never said that they were Super Bowl bound (seriously at least). I knew that they weren't that good.

Where the fuck were you this weekend, asshole? Did you go to Tampa with your BF Grumpy to watch Chaz Batch?

MuDawgfan said...

Thoughts on the weekend:

1. DeSean Jackson and Vick are really developing a nice chemistry. My fantasy team (The Gulf Coast Oilers) thank Vick.

2. Sean Payton and Saints Fans can eat dicks in hell forever.

3. I thought the Lions were supposed to have a "bounce-back" year?

4. The Panthers are terrible. Cincy should have won by 28 points.

Mr. Ace said...

I was very disappointed that I could not make it to the festivities, but I figured watching Naptown Wolverine finger blast Damman wasn't worth my time.

But seriously, my job blows cock and balls right now. I worked til 11:00 PM saturday night and then went into work at 6:30 the next morning. If I would have stepped foot in the Stube it would have been bad news.

I too was trying to figure out how to download the Napoleon battle cry off of facebook, but it's impossible.

Drew said...

MUDawg...It's kind of hard to have a bounce back year when Stafford hasn't played since the first half in week 1. Not mention they got fucked out of a win in week 1...if they were sitting at 1-2 that wouldn't be bad for the Lions. They play in GB next chance for a W there...the week after though the rams come to Detroit, so they have a shot to move to 1-4 then.

Tony B. said...

Excellent Napoleon war cry- just have someone upload it to YouTube because you're right, Facebook's video app is awful.

It is so depressing getting The Niners and Raiders games every week on local TV. Well, at least the Raiders can't sell out home games so they black them out and put on another game, but those are two awful football teams.

The Iceman said...

Iceman....Orton for 476 yards and a TD.....NBD.

I love how you throw stats at me after week 3. I remember saying come talk to me at the END of the season and see how Orton was...not at the end of week 3. Just to put Orton's numbers in perspective Austin Collie is the leading WR in football right now. This is why we don't splooge on ourselves about players after 3 weeks of the season.

Mr. Ace said...

Iceman...I splooged all over myself after Collie caught his second TD. So speak for yourself.

And a big fuck you to Janikowski for fucking my boy BRUUUUUUCE and his comeback leading drive. Big weekend for the U of Toledo!

The Iceman said...

All good and fine Ace...I'm sure you're not alone. But raise your hand if you think you are going to ride the sturdy haunches of Austin Collie to a fantasy championship. If your hand is up let me know so I can trade you Jonathan Stewart. Just because a guy strings togther a few good weeks (Orton) doesn't mean we should ignore history.

GMoney said...

By the way, if either myself (98% chance), Ace, or Lange don't win the DFL, I'll eat a big bowl of pube-covered shit.

I love how the Jets GM came out and said that Braylon was suspended for the time of his DWI occurring and not for the act itself. That guy sucks.

Anonymous said...

G$- The Romo-Roy Williams connection will not be stopped this season. You might as well pencil me in for a championship in the DFL.

The Napoleon War Cry video made my day.


GMoney said...

I need to get that up here immediately (somehow). It was done at the perfect moment when the bar was relatively quiet. Just beautiful work all around.

Tony B. said...

Your fantasy football projection sounds like Joe Morgan at the Home Run Derby. "I really think Ryan Howard is going to win. Prince Fielder could win as well. Josh Hamilton has a lot of pop and could win the whole thing also. Brandon Inge is my darkhorse to go all the way. And you can't forget about Albert Pujols."

Anonymous said...

The DFL is down to 3 teams only 3 weeks in.


Grumpy said...

A road trip with Mr. Ace sounds like fun. And he'd probably blow me.

Alex Farris | Credit Cards for Students said...

I am guilty of being really hooked into those "things that go blip blip" (as referred to by my old folks) at one point in my life (hey, many adolescents go through this stage), and I'd welcome a game or two of NBA Live with my brother sometimes, but to wait in line for days on end just to buy the latest Halo? Nah, that's too much...