Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Preparing For What Appears To Be The Inevitable

There is no way that this pitch was a strike.
Alright, boys, we've been talking about football non-stop for the past two weeks or so.  Let's take a deep breath and enjoy at least one day off of the gridiron.  You'll live.  And I don't really have anything more to discuss there anyway.

OK, so the Yankees and Rays are banging dicks together this week (and next) trying to sort out the AL East and the Wild Card.  Personally, I don't think that it matters.  Both teams are making the postseason and both teams will dominate either the Rangers or Twins.  Yeah, that's going to happen.  To be honest, I'd rather not win the division to play Minnesota since they know that they can't beat the Yankees.  Only an asshole would want to face Cliff Lee twice in a 5 game series.

So what is the point of this?  I'm not necessarily conceding the season, I just want to take a pre-emptive strike by saying that I don't have a good feeling about how this season ends.  In fact, I am 90% certain that there will be a new World Series winner this October.  Don't believe me?  Here are 5 ironclad, HUGE holes in the Yankees roster that will fuck them in the postseason.

5. They strike out ALL THE TIME - I don't remember any Yankees team swinging and missing more than this one.  And it makes sense when you think about the age of the team along with their inability to hit pitchers that throw harder than 95.  They have slow bats...except for Marcus Thames.  But he swings a club much like Captain Caveman.  I never thought that I'd like Thames, but I have a thing for huge black guys that hit bombs (see:  Hill, Glenallen).

4. Jorge Posada is awful - It used to just be his defense.  He can't catch anything.  He literally drops strikes.  He hasn't thrown out a baserunner since 2002.  He calls a terrible game and handles pitchers poorly.  He used to be able to mask this with his bat but not anymore.  Jorge can't hit now either.  I can't wait for the Jesus Montero Era to begin.  Nobody fucks with the Jesus!

3. Joe Girardi is even dumber this year - Last season, I thought that the Yankees won the title in spite of their shitty over-manager.  Well, he's doing the same shit this year.  Why he keeps putting Chad Gaudin into games, I will never understand.  If he wants to go manage the Cubs, then go.  He will not be missed.  Any dipshit that would want to work for the Cubs over the Yankees shouldn't be a part of the team anyway.

2. Other than CC, there is no one - And that sucks.  After Monday night's epic Price/CC duel that Sergio Mitre blew, it hit me.  He's the only guy that I trust.  It speaks to how bad the rotation has been considering that Ivan Nova has been the #2 starter over the past month.  Who knows what we're going to get from Andy Pettitte?  All the pressure in the world is on CC.  Let's say that Liriano beats CC in game 1 of the LDS.  We're going to get swept.  Burnett, Vazquez, and Hughes...yeah, those three aren't scaring lineups.

1. Derek Jeter pretty much sucks - This might go down as the worst contract year in the history of sports.  If he wants to keep getting paid 20 million per season, a .261 batting average with below average defense isn't really the statement you want to make.  He's been bad all season.  I don't know why (other than our pussy manager having no balls) he is still hitting leadoff.  No one has been less clutch this year than Derek.

The only part of the team that I am confident in is the bullpen and I never thought that I'd say that.  2nd best record in baseball or not, this team is kind of a mess and in one nice little tail spin right now.  And let's not forget about the injuries, but that's no excuse.  That's the price you pay for being a champion.  Repeating is supposed to be tough.  In conclusion, I just don't see title #28 coming to the Bronx this season.  Annnnnnd over the course of writing this, the Rays scored 7 runs in the bottom of the 5th.  Ugh.


Mr. Ace said...

Oh Can't wait til the sport dies.

Vince Young for Heisman!

GMoney said...

I know what you're saying. My team is actually good yet I'm having trouble focusing any of my attention on it.

Are Ace and I about to pull off a blockbuster in the DFL? Perhaps.

Anonymous said...

I would rather read about NASCAR.

Anonymous said...

i know its off topic, but this time last year you wrote about some game played in gym class called thunderball, i think. please explain in 2-3 sentences

Drew said...

I told you before the season started that the young Rays would win the AL over the aging Yankees. Shocking that you now see what I saw.

Anonymous said...

Marcus thames for MVP.

I think the sudden decline of Arod and jeter means one thing.. Steroids! Marcus Thames doesn't need roids. As Rod Allen would say, that boy is country strong!

I can see the Twins winning the AL. They have been on fire all 2nd half, and can still get the best record in baseball. Ron Gardenhire has to be the best manager ever.

Colin Cowherd had a great point yesterday.. MLB should to shorten the season and expand the playoffs. When football starts, its really hard to pay attention/care when your team is pretty much eliminated. People don't even watch the playoffs because they're trying to go head to head with college football/NFL.. And it aint workin.


GMoney said...

Anon, that game would be Omniball. It is awesome but I do not feel like explaining it now as you need a "Grand Canyon" to properly play it.

Iceman, is where you should go then.

For as poor as the Yankees have played over the past month, I will say one thing: Kerry Wood has been AWESOME since coming over.

Tony B. said...

I might be the biggest supporter of baseball talk here and even I am having a hard time enjoying the end of this season. The Cubs are awful and searching for a manager right now just feels pathetic. Division races have leading teams losing 10 in a row (Pads) only to stay in the lead- that's idiotic. I will watch the playoffs, but this last month has been a disappointment so far.

There is not enough (any?) Red Sox hate in this post. I disapprove.

Mr. Ace said...

I would just like to take this moment to predict a Money Shot championship matchup in the DFL. That is all.

GMoney said...

I'm with you on that, Ace. Let there be no doubt about it. You and I have the best teams in the league.

Drew said...

I like the baseball talk. I'm a fight to the death for a fantasy baseball championship right now that will come down to the final day or I'm in tune...keep it up.

Wood has been awesome...makes you wonder whe he will blow up that one game.

Ace and G$ need to quit this game of verbal tummy sticks they have been playing with each other the last couple of days.

Anonymous said...

Ace- you are 0-1 so far. Shut the fuck up!


Anonymous said...

"Middle fingers everywhere. Dats why you play college football" -jacory harris

Anonymous said...

I looked on & all I found was pictures of Damman in a bikini trying to lick Tony Stewart's balls...

GMoney said...

Drew, I'm in the semis of both FB leagues that I'm in. I don't see GSaul stopping me from my destiny of beating either Dut or Damman in the World Series.

I'm surprised that your comment didn't get intercepted, Jacory.

Mr. Ace said...!

This is hilarious. The greatest Lou Holtz impression I have ever heard.

Drew, you're more than welcome to be the Lucky Pierre in this Money Shot sandwich.