Friday, September 10, 2010

NFL Predictions Part Deux

This is what the entire state of Indiana looks like.
What a great opening night for the NFL!  Sure, the game was a fucking embarrassment to football, but how could you not love Brett Favre losing?  Brett Favre Losing is the greatest event of the year.  Sean Payton's massive ego did an awful job calling plays in the first half.  Garrett Hartley should have competition brought in this week.  Brett Favre still sucks.  That game was terrible.  At least I won money betting on the Saints just to win.  14-9?  The fuck was that?  At least Pierre Thomas did his best to stick it up commenter Jeff's ass (and in return, my own ass to Dut...damn multiple leagues).  Pierre can ball.  Brett Favre can not.  BRETT FAVRE IS A FUCKING LOSER!  It feels good to type-yell that.

Anyway, we finish the NFL prediction posts today by unleashing my AFC thoughts.  Same format as yesterday with no more than three sentences per team.  That is all that you deserve.  Let's hope that you guys can understand this more today, you fucking idiots.

AFC West
1. San Diego 10-6 - It really speaks to how terrible the rest of the division when the Chargers are still worlds better even without two of their best players on offense.  Norv really is in the perfect position.  He does enough to keep his job by winning the division, but you know damn well that he ain't winning in the playoffs.
2. Kansas City 7-9 - They are a year away from passing San Diego.  And how can they not be with great minds like Chaz Weis and Romeo Crennel on the staff?  I don't know if they will be able to stop anybody but they will score and thus be more entertaining to watch.
3. Oakland 5-11 - Sleeper...ha, I think not.  Look, I like Jason Campbell and I wish him the best, but he isn't going to all of a sudden make the Raiders better.  They need to bring back Art Shell much like the Big Ten needs to bring back Art Shell Ref.
4. Denver 4-12 - This team is going to be awful.  They drafted terribly, lost their only good pass rusher, have no weapons on offense, have a quarterback who enjoys Jack Daniels, and their coach is an egomaniacal asshole.  And they drafted Tim Tebow in the first round...never forget that.

AFC South
1. Indianapolis 13-3 - It's not fun to pick the Colts to be good every year, but until they stop being good, I'm going to keep on keeping on.  It all comes down to one guy.  If Bob Sanders can somehow stay healthy all season, they are going to play in the Super Bowl...period.
2. Tennessee 9-7 - I would pick them to win the damn title if they just take Fat Albert off of my hands.  I don't think that Chris Johnson has as huge of a season like he did last year.  Does that mean that I think that VY is going to be huge (no)...but they will grind out wins.
3. Houston 8-8 - Matt Schaub is going to get hurt.  Somehow he made it through all of last season...not this time.  He's just a twat and Brian Cushing is a fag.
4. Jacksonville 4-12 - Why don't they just move this team already?  Their only good player has a shitty knee and their uniforms suck.  But that Jack Del Rio is one dapper sumbitch.

AFC North
1. Cincinnati 11-5 - I'm sort of a believer of this team.  That defense is going to be really good and unless Carson Palmer reverts to playing like Jordan Palmer, they will score.  If you think about it, they really don't have any weaknesses now that Shayne Graham is out of football.
2. Baltimore* 10-6 - Raise your hand if you don't buy into Joe Flacco making the leap this year (raises hand).  You can give him all the receivers in the world, but he is still an ugly fuck that plays like shit in big games.  Oh sure, he'll get into the playoffs, but he isn't going far regardless of who his teammates are.
3. Pittsburgh 8-8 - Not happening this year unless Troy Polamalu plays like the best player in all of football for 16 games.  There just hasn't been anything positive coming out of Pittsburgh this offseason.  And Peter King picking them is like a death sentence.
4. Cleveland 6-10 - Most Browns fans that I know think that this team, led by Jake Delhomme, can win 8 games this year.  These people are fucking crazy.  That schedule is tough (after the first two games), you only have three good players, you have a dead man walking coach, and (again) Jake Delhomme is the starting quarterback...going in the right direction, but it's still going to take some time.

AFC East
1. New England 10-6 - Is it a good sign when your QB gets into a car accident in his faggy Audi three days before game 1?  I have a sense that this might be the last chance for these guys to go after a ring.  But then again, it will be a cold day in Hell before Randy Moss holds the Lombardi trophy.
2. Miami* 10-6 - I don't buy into Chad Henne's forehead flab as much as others do.  But the Phins play smashmouth football and have good fundamentals.  I will always root for a team that features Ricky Williams.
3. New York Jets 9-7 - If you watched the outstanding season of Hard Knocks this summer, you saw that Mark Sanchez is fucking terrible, wears Taco Bell hats, and doesn't take his job seriously.  The Jets are loaded everywhere else but he will sink them...they would be better off going with Mark Brunell (seriously).  Now let's go eat a goddamn snack!
4. Buffalo 1-15 - There is not a worse collection of talent in all of football than what the Bills have.  That team is awful and commenter Daniel could definitely start for them at any position that he wanted to play.  If I were CJ Spiller, I would be demanding a trade already.

First Round: Baltimore over San Diego, Miami over New England
Second Round:  Cincinnati over Baltimore, Indianapolis over Miami
AFC Title:  Indianapolis over Cincinnati
Super Bowl:  Green Bay over Indianapolis

Yep, I'm all-in on the Packers this year like everyone else is.  This is now two years in a row that I haven't picked the Skins to win the Super Bowl.  I must be getting old--looks at driver's license--shit, I turn 30 in less than 3 weeks.  My days of being a productive running back are coming to an end!

HUGE fucking week of both college and pro football.  Personally, I will be in attendance for the biggest game of the weekend...Eastern Michigan at Miami University.  Jealous?  Your ass better be 4-5 pounds fatter when you show up here on Monday.  I know that mine will be.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Had the Ssints -5.5 last night. So, yeah, Garrett Hartley can lick my nuts.

Browns will go 9-7 and get a wild card berth. Count it. In Jake we trust.

Have fun at the Redhawk game with the other tens of fans that will be in attendance.

Bucks 27, Felons 13.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Just go down the Browns schedule and please tell me where these magical wins are coming from? At BEST, you go 1-5 within the division. And the rest of the league isn't bad enough for you to go 8-2 against.

It's been a loooong time since I've walked out of Fred C. Yager Stadium with a win in hand...that should end tomorrow.

The Iceman said...

Damman might be the worst predictor in the history of football. You should find a way to proof read his shit before you allow it on here.

Mr. Ace said...

I like Oakland to make the playoffs. Sounds crazy, but I think they have the pieces in place and their division is awful. How the fuck are the Chiefs winning 7 games?

Schaub can't get hurt, he is carrying me to a JFL title.

Steelers won't win 8.

GMoney said...

You didn't like Campbell with the Skins but now you do with the Raiders???

The Chiefs will score points. That I know. And they will win at least 3 games within their division.

In Jake we trust!!! Hilarious. Maybe Ide but not Delhomme.

Mr. Ace said...

"You didn't like Campbell with the Skins but now you do with the Raiders?"...Yes.

Just gonna throw this out there for everybody. If you haven't reloaded your sports betting account yet, sportsbook.com had a 50% instant bonus for new accounts with promo code: SPORTS50

I think I'm going to put all my money on Miami @ Buffalo -3.

Anonymous said...

Watch me on ESPN. I will tell you all you need to know about this NFL season.

Don't you like my new stash?

The Swami

Grumpy said...

WTF does the asterisk next to Baltimore mean?

Anonymous said...

Ace- I just reloaded saturday with that code and it didn't work. WTF.

I am a believer in Jake Delhomme! There's a reason Carolina signed him to a fat contract (and a reason they cut him!).. Comeback player of the year. Book it.

Osu- 30 thugs- 13

Dut

GMoney said...

* = wild card, you slapdick.

Swami, I am indifferent about your new 'stache. Did you pick the Bills and Niners to play in the SB again this year?

What exactly is Delhomme coming back from? Being terrible?

Those "thugs" and "felons" had a 100% graduation rate last year. Alex Boone will drink to that...and then try to throw cars down the street without a shirt on.

The Iceman said...

"You didn't like Campbell with the Skins but now you do with the Raiders?"...Yes.

Nothing like jumping on a QB who just went to a team with downgraded talent at every offensive position. I reserve the right to have doubts about a QB who's top target's name is the same name we use when making fun of anyone named Charlie. Ex: Chaz Weis, Chaz Sheen, Chaz Whitehurst, Chaz Hustle. We'll see Chaz Frye quarterbacking that team by week 8.

Jeff said...

Clearly Peter King is the smartest man alive! Meaning Rashard Mendenhall will be sure to stick it up your ass come Sunday.

Pierre is a fags name.

Felons and thugs can't graduate? Ohio State will have one soon (Maurice Clarett), but still have a lot of catching up to do.

GMoney said...

I believe that that is in the constitution. If you graduate from college, you can no longer be considered a thug.

Jeff, I'm gonna rape you good and hard this weekend. Same with you, Dut. The trip to Oxford tomorrow will only inspire me more.

Ice, just ignore everything that Ace types.

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