Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Pussy Douche Bag.
Dantonio is the embodiment of "Little Brother", and it makes me smile. I hope RichRod sends him some Maize and Blue flowers in the hospital...and a 20 oz. steak with chili cheese fries.
When your defense is offensive. I didn't watch any of the Michigan game. I was stuck shopping all day and working all night. Great Saturday, indeed. But it's probably a good thing I didn't watch because I would have probably ended up in a hospital bed right next to Dantonio. My only goal for Michigan going into the UMass game was that Denard Robinson would not see the field in the second half. Obviously, that didn't happen. Denard was forced to do what he does best and carry Michigan to the victory. Hooray.
We all know what the problem is here. The defense's ineptitude is absurd. It's one thing to let Douche Crist march up and down the field on you, it's another thing to allow an FCS team to grind it up your ass for the entire game. This wasn't UMass getting lucky or breaking off huge plays for scores. No, this was UMass putting together drive after drive and embarrassing the Michigan defense. UMass' longest play was 19 yards. They dominated time of possession; 37:38 to 22:22. I don't even have any jokes to throw in here. Yeah I do. Michigan's defense gets about as much penetration as commenter Drew...with his chapstick dick. Our defense is fucking terrible. Bowling Green might put up 50.
The Big Ten is not the SEC. Just when all you Big Ten fans confidence was beginning to brim over, back to reality you go. I predicted a Wisconsin upset via Arizona State last week and was a blocked PAT away from it happening in OT. Then Iowa went down to Arizona and let the nation see why I thought Iowa was the most overrated team in the Big Ten. Then Sparty needed a trick play to beat ND at home in OT. Just compare the ranked teams and see who you think is better.
Fuckeyes vs. Bama? Uh, Bama. Not really that close.
Wisconsin vs. Florida? After last week I don't know how you can pick Wiscy here.
Arkansas vs. Iowa? Arkansas hasn't played anybody yet...but did you see what Nick Foles did to Iowa's defense. Mallet would PWN.
South Carolina vs. Michigan? Nobody can stop Denard.
LSU vs. Penn State? Les Miles is a tard, but that defense would be too much for Boldin.
Auburn vs. Michigan State? Dantonio would fake another heart attack.
How can I put this a way you will understand? The SEC is Amy Reid, perfect 10. The Big Ten is Lisa Ann, fully capable of putting up a number one performance, but lacks the consistency to hold down the top spot. The Big Ten is number 2...maybe number 3. The Big 12 is looking pretty strong at the top, Hannah Hilton. Maybe next year, Big Ten.
Last Weekend in Abortions.
Houston's Case Keenum went down with a torn ACL and is out for the year. But Houston rebounded and brought in backup Cotton "That's my real name" Turner...and he broke his collarbone and is out for the year. Houston changed its team name from Cougars to Dumpster Fire.
Should Houston Nutt be on the hot seat? Or the better question, is Ole Miss okay with the Cotton Bowl being their ceiling during the Nutt era? I think Ole Miss is an attractive college job and Ole Miss would be doing themselves a favor to send the Nuttster out the door. He turned Jevon Snead from a Top 10 draft pick to an undrafted bum. Now Masoli is going from Heisman contender/criminal to....just a criminal. He's gotta go, right?
Michigan's defense. But you already knew that.
Looking Ahead to Next Week...
Denard Robinson plays less than two quarters. Please.
My betting card got ass raped by late garbage TD's last week. First it was Minny on Saturday. Then it was Detroit and St. Louis on Sunday. Hopefully the Dantonio heart attack is a sign that my fortunes are changing.
If you're looking for a game to bet before Saturday, I like TCU -17 over SMU. SMU only beat Washington State by 14, which is the sign of a horrible team. TCU knows how to win big and keep the voters on their side.
Virginia Tech is going to do what they do every year. They get embarrassed in an early non-conference game, then when ACC play roles around they kick it into gear. Virgina Tech -4.
Temple +16 at Penn State? Hell yes.
Jim Harbough always has his team ready for a big game. ND is coming off two back breaking losses. Stanford -4 is a mega lock.
Texas -16. This is a joke right? UCLA beats up on Houston's number three QB at home and now they are only 16 point dogs at Texas? UCLA will not score more than 9 points.
Oregon will slaughter Arizona State. Nobody in the PAC 10, save maybe Stanford, has the offense to hang with Oregon. Oregon -11.
The Big Ten is taking another week off to pound cupcakes, but there are still plenty of good matchups this weekend; Bama/Hogs, WVU/LSU, OSU/Boise, SC/Aub. Should be a much more entertaining week of college football.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to go take care of my Campdick.