|It's funny because they don't look ANYTHING like each other.|
Hell, I've even been to the place where they filmed this chick flick out in Iowa. It was nothing special. Oooooh, you mean I'm standing on grass that Timothy Busfield may or may not have stood? LOOK AT MY ERECTION! I've got some major issues regarding why Field of Dreams is the most ridiculous crock of shit ever and the worst sports movie of all time.
1. When you break it down to the basics, this movie is about a man who bankrupts his family in an effort to bring ghosts into his backyard. That's it. That's what it is. If I just told you that, would you have any desire to watch this movie? It's like Twilight for nerdy baseball stat-geeks.
2. Speaking of which, Kevin Costner is fucking nuts. He should have been committed. Imagine that you are his wife. Costner comes to you and says, "Hey, honey, I'm going to spend everything that we have on a baseball field in our corn. And sometime soon, I'm going to drive to Boston and pick up an old crotchety black guy who is probably racist. I don't know him yet but he will be staying with us. This may not make sense to you now, but don't worry because the creepy voices in the cornfield told me to do this." He should have been given a strait jacket in the first scene of the movie. Because NOTHING that he did in the next two hours made a lick of sense.
3. Speaking of James Earl Jones, he really sucked here. He wasn't a blind junkyard owner who knew Babe Ruth or Darth Vader. What a rip-off! He could have at least told Costner that he was his father. Or cut of his hand. That would have been hilarious.
4. Now if I recall, some stupid kid falls off of the bleachers and one of the ghost players saves her. But once he crosses the line, he isn't allowed to play anymore. You know, just like in real life. DOCTOR Moonlight Graham shouldn't even have thought twice about saving that kid. HE TOOK A FUCKING OATH! And Shoeless Joe Jackson was a buttfucking hobo, too. He lived in a field, fer chrissake!
5. Finally, the big tear-jerker scene...when Costner and his old man "have a catch". This is stupid and completely unrealistic. Let me tell you why. If I went out into the backyard to "have a catch" with my dad, it would end in about three minutes. After about ten throws to get loose, I would start throwing knuckleballs, an assortment of breaking pitches that don't move at all, and my world famous sidearm forkball. After the second time that I threw it 18 feet over his head and five properties over, he would tell me to go get it myself and it would be over. Playing catch with your dad is overrated. Especially when you have outstanding off-speed pitches like I do. There is no way that one of them didn't start throwing a knuckler and pissed the other off.
Basically, this movie sucks something fierce and it is my goal to make everyone know that it blows. Major League is better. So is The Sandlot. Rookie of the Year has Gary Busey. Little Big League has Timothy Busfield (that guy has the market cornered on baseball movies). And those are just the baseball movies. Compare Field of Dreams to Rudy. Impossible. Rudy makes you want to cry. Field of Dreams makes you want to see an abortion performed.
But that's just my opinion (and it's right). An open forum on the worst sports movie that you have seen has officially begun. Somebody better say Any Given Sunday because that fucking blew. If you comment, G$ will cum. Gross.