Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Lions and Packers and Bears, Oh My...and That One Old Guy

(A threesome we can all get behind...)

I know there are some Lions fans in the internet building, so I'm sure you're fucking jacked for my NFC North Preview.

Last year, the NFC North ended up like this:
Minnesota Vikings: 12-4
Green Bay: 11-5
Chicago: 7-9
Detroit: 2-14
...Expect some serious shake ups this year.

1. Green Bay Packers. 13-3. Vegas Total Wins Line: 9.5.
Yes, you read that right. The total wins line for the Packers this season is 9.5. Nine and a fucking half! That is your cue to hit up the book and put this months income on the OVER. Green Bay won 11 games last year and they have only improved during the offseason. The only notable loss is Aaron Kampman, but he really didn't fit the defensive scheme anyways. Aaron Rodgers and the Packers offense is going to go gangbusters this year. Improved O-line with Bulaga, great WR depth, one of the best young TE's in Finley, and a sound running game. The Packers are a lock to average 30 points per game. Hopefully Al Harris' skeleton can hold up across from Woodson, but that's the only weakness on this team. For fuck's sake, take the OVER.

2. Minnesota Vikings. 11-5. Vegas Total Wins Line: 9.5.
Patrick Willis...why couldn't you just end it? We all know what you were trying to do. Why couldn't you just take that 15 yard penalty, pick his arthritic body up, and powerbomb him down to the turf and send him on his way to the gerontologist? Now Favre lives to see the regular season. I'm already tired of it. Oh no, He and Chilly don't get along. How can the team possibly overcome this chasm? Nobody cares. It doesn't really even matter. Favre calls the plays. Favre runs the plays. Favre gets all the credit. Chilly looks stupid and collects his checks. Pretty simple. Toby Gerhart was the most poorly used draft pick ever. Percy Harvin is one head hunter away from being a paraplegic. And please God, if you are out there, send Favre out the way he deserves. Laying on the Ford Field turf spineless...while Ndamukong Suh leads the crowd in the wave. Amen. OVER.

3. Detroit Lions. 6-10. Vegas Total Wins Line: 5.
I like the Lions this year. I want to love them, but I can't just yet. I have always been somewhat of a Lions fan. I used to make it to at least game a year back when Herman Moore and Barry Sanders were running the Silverdome. I hope that the Lions can get back to those days and I think they are on their way. Football is obviously a complex game, but for the Lions all it really comes down to is turnovers. They were sixth in total yards last year, but 24th in scoring...and -18 in turnover ratio. I think Stafford takes a step forward this year, along with the rest of the offense. I wasn't a big fan of the Jahvid Best pick, but it appears he is the real deal and should get the majority of the carries from week 1. Offense has some real potential. They aren't playoff contenders just yet, but should make a push next year. OVER.

4. Chicago Bears. 4-12. Vegas Total Wins Line: 8.
Am I the only person who thinks the Bears are going to be downright wretched this year? How does Vegas get 8 wins? The O-line is horrible. Devin Hester is their best WR. Their defense is old. Lovie Smith is STILL their coach. Their defense is old. Julius Peppers will mail it in once they start 2-5. Their defense is old as fucking dirt. This team is going to be horrible. Looking up at the Lions can't feel good.

Breakout Fantasy Player: James Jones. Wherever you think Donald Driver should be drafted this year, sub in James Jones. He's a big target who Rodgers will look for in the red zone. ESPN has Donald Driver projected at 957 yards and 6 TD's. Driver is finally going to fall off this year and Jones will step up to the tune of 800 yards and 8 TD's. Love Jermichael Finley too.

See you again Friday, fuckers.


Grumpy said...

Picking the Lions at over 5 wins proves what a dumbass you are. And why are you coming back Fri? I want a refund on my subscription.

GMoney said...

Another Packers weakness: their Humpty Dumpty-lookin' coach. But he's still better than Chilly and Lovie.

I'm with you. The Bears are going to be rotten.

I was watching the Vikes/Niners game live on Sunday and may or may not have yelled, "CHOKESLAM THAT BITCH".

The Packers Over and Bears under feel like locks to me, too.


MuDawgfan said...

Ace - safe to assume that for a late round fantasy QB, you consider Matt Stafford more valuable than Jay Cutler?

The Iceman said...

If Stafford can make another huge step forward this year and help the Lions finish higher than the position they have dominated for the greater part of the last decade...LAST PLACE...then Lions fans will worship the ground this guy walks on. Who knows, by year 3 there's a chance Stafford could walk around Detroit and stir peoples drinks with his flacid dick and have them be totally fine with it. Agree with Lions over the Bears. Oh yeah...and Driver goes for 1,000 yards again this year. Mark it 8 dude.

Drew said...

The Lions are definitely on the up swing. Some great young players in Stafford, Johnson, Best, Levy, Delmas and SUH. Now they just need more depth. There is a youtube of Suh just pancaking Broncos starting OL Ryan Harris Saturday night. Dude is crazy good. Grumpy...Lions over 5 wins EASY.

Drew said...

One other thing...for those saying that Revis should definitely not be at camp. Maybe he should take the classy approach of Buckeye Nick Mangold? He's the best Center in the game and had a garbage contract with the Jets...what did he do? He made his displeasure known to the media, but still showed up for camp. So, the Jets just rewarded him by making him the highest paid center in the game.

Anonymous said...

I hear that the Lions are going to turn it around every year.. And every year its the same BS. I would take the under on 5 wins.

The vikings and packers each have 4 free wins in their division. I also like the over 9.5. Sounds like easy $$ to me.


GMoney said...

Oh, and for those wondering, Ace is coming back on Friday because he is banned from posting on College Football Preview Week next week. Take the good with the bad.

The Lions aren't winning more than 4-5 games. They will be better, but they still suck.

Anonymous said...

drew can you post youtube link? can'T find it

Drew said...

Here you go anon.....not very good quality, but impressive nonetheless..


GMoney said...

Actually, I would like to change my opinion on the Bears. They will go undefeated this year. Why?

They just signed The Golden Arm of Todd Collins.

Tony B. said...

I wish I could talk shit about how good the Bears will be this year, but unfortunately I can only muster a lukewarm "they will be better than you think will- maybe 7-9." My smack talk has seen better days.