Well, I'm back from Vegas. It was the first time I have ever been there and let me tell you, Vegas is fucking awesome. I will be back within three years...hopefully three months. I regret that it took so long for me to get out there, but it's probably for the best since I am a degenerate. But I got to experience quite a bit of Vegas during my trip and I would like to help those who plan to visit in the future by rating my experience at certain establishments.
The Venetian- 9/10- Obviously, this is the only hotel I have ever stayed at in Vegas so take this rating for what it's worth. But the place is just ridiculous. Top of the line everything. The lobby made you feel like you were in Italy...even though I've never been there. We walked through several hotel/casino's and the only one that I would choose over Venetian is Aria, which is a new hotel inside the City Center, which is an entire fucking city of its own inside Vegas. Seriously, City Center has its own Police Force, own Fire Department, and own hookers, and it only cost $10 billion. It would have been a 10/10 if I didn't have to pay a daily $17 "Resort Fee". Bullshit.
Treasure Island Buffet- -13/10- Yes, that is a negative 13 out of 10. Just fucking horrible. I was promised prime rib and seafood and I got smoked beef curtains and sushi. Horrible brisket, horrible sushi(is there any other kind?), horrible pasta, horrible Korean ribs, horrible orange chicken(HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP?), horrible service, and shit dessert. I have never been so disappointed in my life. I love to tear up a good buffet. Hell, I love to tear up a bad buffet. But this was a different level of awful. Don't ever, ever go there.
Maggiano's- 8/10- Great Italian food. I had a Shrimp and Crab Cannelloni covered in roasted red peppers and asiago cream sauce and I had multiple orgasms. If you find one, go there. I had my dinner and a glass of Guinness for $20. Good shit.
Blue Man Group- 7/10- If drums, paint, and smurfs are your thing then this is the show for you. I wouldn't spend the money again to see it, which is about $105 a ticket. I guess I didn't really know what to expect, and I have no idea how they could make the show any better. They pretty much just do the same thing over and over again for an hour and a half. Cool thing to see one time, but I wouldn't recommend it to anybody.
Cirque du Soleil: Mystere- 9/10- Definitely worth the money. It's almost impossible to describe exactly what goes on in a show. It's like a circus, comedy, and Broadway show all mixed together and laced with acid. The only thing that could have possibly made it better is if one of the people suspended from the ceiling would have pulled an Owen Hart.
Defending The Caveman: Kevin Burke- 7/10- The only way that you attend this show is if you're with your significant other. This guy basically just rambles on with all the "all men are ass holes" material that you have heard a million times and then tries to put his own unique little twist on it. Apparently, men are meant to be ass holes, or something. Meh, wasn't horrible, but you have heard all the material before.
Frank Caliendo- 8.5/10- I can't believe that I saw a Caliendo show, and I can't believe how hilarious he actually was. It was between Carrot Top and Caliendo and I was leaning Carrot Top, but Mrs. Ace insisted we see Caliendo, so we did. He kept everything pretty clean, which usually isn't my style, but he pulled it off. I would absolutely recommend anyone to go see his live show. He did some of his old bits, but only briefly. This doesn't change the fact that his show on TBS is fucking horrific, but his stand up was a pleasant surprise.
Also, there are Asians EVERYWHERE! I got off the plane and thought I was in Hong Kong. It took everything in me not to run into a big group of them and scream "Godzirra!!!"
In closing, get your ass to Vegas....but don't take your wife.