My garbage can at 9:30 last night. I'm not fucking kidding.
It's over. What a scumbag. What an asshole. What a pussy. What a cunt. What a quitter. What a liar. What a twat. What an abortion. What a douche. What a taint bomb. What a diva. What a drama queen. What a drama queef.
I can't believe that that guy went on national television, held the world hostage, and completely shit on his hometown like that. Who does that shit? I'll tell you who: the biggest egomaniac on the planet. And it's sad. It's just sad. Whether you are a Cavs fan or not, those people did not deserve to be treated like this. That was the absolute worst feeling that you could imagine. "I'm taking my talent to South Beach"...and he said it with a smile. Well, fuck you, buddy. That was the scummiest thing that I've ever seen an athlete do. Michael Vick probably cringed during that shit.
I still don't understand the reasoning behind this. Staying with the Cavs proves your loyalty and dedication. Going to Chicago meant that winning titles was all that mattered. Hell, even going to the Knicks meant that your brand was the most important thing to you. And I could live with that. But why Miami? It's a shitty sports town. The Heat have almost zero history (they actually retired Rony Seikaly's number). They hardly ever sell out their home games and will continue to not pack the place. So why?
The only answer I can come up with is that he wants to play with his friends. And that is fucking retarded. This is professional sports not the fucking fraternity intramural hoops league. Maybe the three of them just want to ice each other after every game (CHUG IT, BRAH!), but is that a reason to commit to them? I just don't get it. Maybe I'm missing something here but this seems like an awful decision to me. Chicago was the REAL play. They have ALL the pieces. If he thought that the Cavs were an unknown, he's only got 4 fucking players on his team right now and they are already at the cap! But this fucking queer is so delusional that he must think that the Heat can win a title going 3 on 5.
Let's look into this even further though. We have been beaten over the head for years that he was the biggest free agent in the history of sports. It may have been true, too. But when it came down to it, the biggest free agent of all time decided to go to Miami and be a role player. Nice fucking move. That's all that he is. He's Jamey fucking Carroll now. That isn't his team. That isn't his city. And it never will be. He took the greatest opportunity of his life and lowered his ceiling to Scottie Pippen. Not that there's anything wrong with Pippen, but no one strives to be the next Scottie. They want to be the next MJ. Well, he decided that he couldn't win on his own anymore, scrapped the whole global icon plan, embarrassed himself, and is going to waste his prime trying to win titles that won't be considered "his". They will always be Wade's. "Kings" are not followers are hangers-on. Can we all agree that this move made no sense for him? OK? Let's move on.
I think that that is the most frustrating part about this. He is giving up on his dream to be the best player ever just so that he can recreate what he had at the 2008 Olympics. And that's weak. That's pussy shit. If this is all that he wants to be now, then so be it. Miami can have him. Sure, it's going to take the Cavs a looooong time to get their footing again, but if it means that we stop coddling Little Scottie, then whatever.
As soon as he informed us where he was taking his faggy talent, I grabbed the leash and took the pup for a long walk in the rain. I had to get up. I couldn't look at his stupid beard anymore. I couldn't fathom how this guy could make that play. And I still don't get it. One thing that I do know is that I will never EVER root for the Miami Heat ever again. If they are playing against Ohio State in some weirdo football game, O-H! If they play the Cowboys, I'm wearing a Romo jersey. I draw the line at the Red Sox though. So yes, the Heat are now my second most hated team in the sports world. You should all hate them, too. There is nothing likeable at all about what those three did to the sport. It's embarrassing and Stern should have done something to stop it. I don't know what he could do, but this is awful for the game of basketball.
I wish him nothing but the worst in Miami. I hope he fails miserably. I want him to never set foot in Ohio again. When the Heat play their first game at The Q, I want Dan Gilbert to bitch-slap him when he throws the powder in the air. He has earned every bit of scorn that he gets. He is a bigger whore than his mother. He is a lying, backstabbing sonofabitch. I never want him to win a ring. He doesn't deserve it. For God's sake, he was supposed to end the curse, not prolong it!
You are nothing to me now. I do hold grudges and this one will be held until one of us dies. And mark my words, I WILL NEVER SAY OR WRITE HIS NAME AGAIN. Watch me. I won't do it.
Maybe Miami is the right place for him. After all, it was the home of Dan Marino for all those years and no one choked under pressure and lost more than Dan. Sound familiar? Maybe it is destiny that these two loser faggots can now share the same city with the guy in the wheelchair, the Predator-looking guy, and the 14 people in south Florida that care about sports. But I'm done with you.
Laces out, you fucking scumbag asshole.