Wednesday, July 07, 2010

The Money Shot's Midseason MLB Award Show

This is a real shit time of year when it comes to sports.  When the frontpage of ESPN.com has stories about Dutch soccer, LeBron joining Twitter, Miami Heat fans, Lance Armstrong's flat tire, and Seton Hall's coach living up to his last name's stereotype, you know it's dull.  And that's why it's easy just to give out a bunch of stupid awards at the mid-way point of the baseball season.  I know, it's not really the sexiest post around these parts, but nevertheless, we must keep plugging away.  I suppose that at the end of this, we can look back at my preseason predictions as well to see how I'm doing.

AL MVP - Josh Hamilton.  I thought about this one for a long time.  It is a three horse race in my mind with Cokehead McGee, Robbie Cano, and Hornitas Cabrera.  I have to take a few points away from Robbie because of the lineup that he gets A-Bomb protection in.  Oh, I completely write off Justin Morneau until he admits that he never should have won his actual MVP a few years ago.  GIVE IT TO DEREK LIKE A GOOD BOY!  Both the Rangers and Tigers would suffer without the two nominees, no doubt.  But Hamilton wins out because the Rangers are actually in the playoffs right now (as I write this) and the Tigers are not.

NL MVP - Joey Votto.  Fuck it, who else is it going to?  David Wright?  He publicly stated his love for Landon Donovan and I would never give the award to a fag.  Pujols isn't doing anything that he hasn't done before.  Andre Ethier?  If your name is Andre, I will always compare you to Andre The Giant and you will never win that comparison.  The Reds are somehow competitive this season and Votto leads the charge.

AL Cy Young - Cliff Lee.  He missed a month and only has a handful of wins, but I don't care.  He is by far the best pitcher in the league this season.  Jon Lester is going to make a push.

NL Cy Young - Ubaldo Jimenez.  He probably should win 25 games.  Next question.  Maybe Josh Johnson can make this interesting though.

AL Manager - Terry Francona.  Dude, this kills me but have you SEEN the outfield that they've paraded out there over the past six weeks?  The Red Sox have been killed with injuries yet are 3 games back in the East.  That's pretty damn impressive.  I sure as hell would never give this award to a guy that would just pawn it for some crack either.

NL Manager - Bud Black.  The Padres should have about 6 wins this year yet have a pretty tight grip on the NL West lead (don't know for sure and not looking it up).  It will be a cold day in Hell before I recognize Dusty Baker for being a good manager, too.

AL Rookie - Brennan Boesch.  Since Austin Jackson has been abysmal recently, this one is a no contest as far as who the most important Tiger rookie is.  I slighted one Tiger for a Ranger already, which is why Boesch wins out over Feliz.  If the Indians had balls and played him from the start, this would be Carlos Santana's award to lose.

NL Rookie - Ike Davis.  Fuck it, Heyward has been hurt and wasn't good for weeks leading up to his DL stint.  It isn't Strasburg because he hasn't been that special over his past few starts.  I respect a rookie corner infielder being able to play well on a contending team in New York.

Other Awards handed out before the show:
Best Use of HGH - Vlad Guerrero.  Where the fuck did THIS come from?
Worst Use of HGH - Manny Ramirez.  Time to hang the spikes up, Man-ssiere.

Most Underrated Player - Shin Soo Choo.  He's hurt now but was quietly having a monster season and is much more of a five tool player than Grady Sizemore could ever hope to be.
Most Overrated Player - Joe Mauer.  He just isn't that good this year.  Barely a .300 hitter and has yet to hit a home run in the new house that HE built.  Talk about a shitty host.

Most Underrated Pitcher - Mariano Rivera.  I couldn't think of anyone else to put here so I went with The Sandman who, even at the age of 40, is still as dominant as he was 15 years ago.
Most Overrated Pitcher - Mark Buehrle.  This guy is not good.  I stand by that.

Most Punchable Face - AJ Pierzynski.  Note:  AJ has won this award for the past nine seasons.
Ugliest Human Alive - John Lackey.  John has also won this award for years but Tim Lincecum is picking up steam.

Worst Announcer - Rick Sutcliffe.  It isn't even close.  I fucking HATE him.
Best Announcer - Orel Hershiser.  He actually adds insight to games without beating the viewer over the head with lies about his playing career (see:  Morgan, Joe and McCarver, Tim).

And finally, a recap of my Spring Training predictions:
ALE - Yankees, Rays*, Red Sox, O's, Jays
ALC - Tigers, Twins, White Sox, Indians, Royals
ALW - Angels, Rangers, Mariners, A's
--I'm pretty pleased with these picks.  If I flipped the O's and Jays and Rangers and Angels, I would be nails right now.  Although I did pick A-Rod to win the MVP, Peavy to win the Cy, the fucking Baltimore manager to win that award and he was fired a month ago, and Brian Matusz to win the ROY.  Those were all terrible.

NLE - Braves, Phillies*, Marlins, Mets, Nationals
NLC - Cardinals, Brewers, Reds, Cubs, Pirates, Astros
NLW - Rockies, Giants, Dodgers, Diamondbacks, Padres
--You know, not bad here either.  I still think that STL and COL win those divisions.  And the Braves are most definitely winning the East now that the Phillies are starting a AAA team.  I picked Pujols, Halladay, Bob Cox, and Heyward for those award thingies, too.  Not bad, but didn't really go on a limb for them.

And I remain steadfast with my World Series prediction.  It 100% absolutely will be the Yankees and the Braves in October.  By the way, this may have been my finest prediction post of all time.

18 comments:

GMoney said...

This was supposed to go up 4 hours ago. Blogger can eat my ass.

Mr. Ace said...

It's ok, everybody loves the AFC West anyways.

Mark Buehrle is my favorite pitcher because every game he pitches lasts 37 minutes.

Every fan should be able to have Pierzynski on their team for one season. It really is great when you are cheering for him.

Orel went to BG...nothing great ever came from there except Dut's herpes.

MuDawgfan said...

If he keeps racking up hits - might be time to take a 2nd look at Martin Prado for MVP. He's on pace to have 230 hits at the end of the season - tops in the NL.

Leads the league in hits, average and big fat venezuelan asses slapped.

Anonymous said...

An MVP and a Cy Young winner all on Cambell Soup?! Last to first, I have already started my epic comeback....wait for it

J Saul

Drew said...

How were the Tigers not in the playoffs when you wrote that? They are in first place.

Immediate fail for giving Josh Hamilton AL MVP over Miggy. As of today, Miggy has the lead in all three triple crown categories. Yeah...that wouldn't deserve MVP.

I think Wainwright is the most underrated pitcher.

If I'm not mistaken, I think Mauer still hasn't hit a HR in the new Twins stadium.

Drew said...

By the way.....I called this ridiculous LeBron decision show way back in November in a Bill Simmons mail bag. ESPN owes me some scrilla and I'm not donating it to the boys and girl's club...

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmonsnflpicks/091125

Shook's Son said...

I have another award, The Hottest Ass: Prince Fielder.

Only fags write in to Simmons, Drew. Do you like to pitch or catch?

Drew said...

Shook's Son...probably not great idea to call someone a fag in the same post that you talked about Prince Fielder's hot ass. You must be a gay chubby chaser...a rare breed of fag.

Anonymous said...

Ya I didn't understand your reasoning for josh hamilton over Miggy. Tigers were in first going into last night and they stayed there because of a Miggy 2 run HOUR in the 9th to tie the game. Miggy says fuck you.

Dut

Anonymous said...

HOUR= HR.. Damn blackberry autocorrect

Anonymous said...

Mudawg- singles hitters like Prado don't deserve MVP.

Ace- a lot of good has come from BG.. Jim Joyce, Scott Hamilton, the dude from ESPN First Take, and lots of premarital sex comes to mind. The only thing that comes from Toledo is thugs and faggots like you. BG>UT

Dut

GMoney said...

Whatever, no one cares enough about the Tigers to do research on them. I respect a man who loves crack so much that he pisses away his career. I don't respect a guy who comes to work drunk...unless he's a pilot. Texas > Detroit and that broke the tie.

Drew, Shook's Son is a well-known homosexual around the commenting community. Chubby chaser or not, when he calls you a faggot, you're probably gay. He knows from experience.

A-Rod hit two HOURS last night!

Drew said...

Johnny Damon on Miggy last night..."He might be the best hitter of all time."

Tony B. said...

Note to A's marketing staff: Do not make t-shirts telling A-rod to get off Dallas Braden's mound- it may add to the chances of A-rod hitting multiple home runs (and a fine defensive play as well.)

Mr. Ace said...

Miggy is competing in the HR derby, thus eliminating him from MVP contention. If I were a Tigers fan I would be pissed. But I'm not, so fuck em.

Dut, only BG would claim a faggy ice skater. I roll with Brian Boitano anyways.

Drew said...

Mr. Ace...I know you aren't very smart, but that derby theory is so dumb...

http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/fantasy/article/do-hitters-decline-after-the-home-run-derby/

GMoney said...

Drew, people remember you and your wisdom...
http://basketbawful.blogspot.com/2010/07/at-least-be-creative-next-time-lebron.html

Drew said...

Nice find G$. These fuckers at ESPN stealing my swag. I should at least get to be there in person.