Tuesday, July 06, 2010
There are several reasons to hate fireworks:
1. Do you know how much that shit costs? We are talking about several thousand dollars for a small town like Napoleon. These assbags can't even afford to repave a road, but dropping some jack on fireworks is a no-brainer.
2. As I was sitting there Sunday night, still recovering from my bachelor party, my ear drums were being skull fucked by the noise these fireworks were making. I hate loud noises. I slap children in restaurants for crying too loud. I would rather watch a fucking laser show. Yeah, I'm that gay.
3. I'm sure our fore fathers would be pleased to know that we are setting off Chinese explosives to celebrate their hard work. You realize what you're watching go bang in the sky was made by orphans with no hands in Chinkerville, right?
4. Walmart retards. Do we really need another excuse for a bunch of hilljacks to play with explosives?
5. Sparklers are for queers. You all know this, but I just wanted to make it official. If your child plays with sparklers, he will choke on dong.