Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Oil Spill Meets Saintly Act


The Gulf oil spill has already wreaked havoc on the coast’s wildlife and economy, and there’s plenty more still yet to come. For the folks of New Orleans smacked hard by Katrina, this new disaster rears its head before the old one has had time to fade from memory. Both citizens and wildlife need help, and the city’s beloved football team, the New Orleans Saints, have decided to pitch in.

Now that they’re back from their parades, Disney World, and cheating on their wives with every hot piece of groupie tail that isn’t tied up with NASCAR, the Saints have decided that since their salaries are paid in part by the downtrodden citizens, they may as well help out.

It’s certainly not that the efforts aren’t appreciated. Those guys need all the help they can get. But how many times do star athletes decide to don a cape and swoop in as if they’re doing everyone a favor? If this were China, their assets would be seized for the cause. No. We’re not communists. But we are realists.

Half of the team was probably blowing more at US casinos in an hour than most of us make in a year before they decided to… get this – hold a raffle?

That’s right. They’re not down there to clean the birds (though they did stop and look at them). They’re not forking over a year’s salary to the cause. Instead, they’re holding a raffle where, for a $2 ticket, you might win a Super Bowl ring.

In an underground raffle many aren’t aware of, you can pay $3 for a ticket and a chance to win a piece of Drew Brees’ removed giant face mole.

This isn’t about coming down hard on the Saints, though. They’re good guys, probably, and many of them make their permanent home around the New Orleans area. This is a blow to their community. However, it stinks of political posturing in the sense that, unlike Sean Penn, these guys are publicizing their efforts in a faux telethon instead of getting down and dirty and just deciding to do the damn thing.

The Saints will have another stellar season upcoming, undoubtedly, and they’ll be a sure bet facing off against the lesser teams of the NFC. You won’t need a casino games guide to tell you to take New Orleans and the points vs. the Buccaneers.

Brees and company will have the world at their fingertips, their championship to lose. Many players on the team received huge bonuses and are still reaping the rewards of their Super Bowl win over the Colts.

The regular folks of New Orleans, however, might collapse before the season starts.

So while the Saints’ efforts are truly appreciated, it is, after all, the very least they could do. The most would be to stop posturing for the cameras and to get to work.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wanker

GMoney said...

How thoughtful. You must have been up all night crafting that comment.

By the way, I didn't write this. This was written by a new friend of the program but it does sound like something that I would write what with the face mole reference.

How awesome would it be to win that Super Bowl ring though? I would wear that bitch everywhere.

MuDawgfan said...

The Saints are a generous franchise. Just ask Sean Payton - he'll tell you how great they are and how smart he is.

Every member of the New Orleans organization can get fucked. Go swimming in the gulf with a lit match you fuckers.

Anonymous said...

I have no problem with them raising $$ rather than actually cleaning up the oil. They can raise a shitload of money and then pay 2000 illegal immigrants. That would be much more effective than having Reggie bush out there with a bucket. Its pretty simple economics people.

Dut

Anonymous said...

I agree with Dut. The amount of money they can raise as celebritie will go a lot further than any labor they could provide.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

HA! I'm picturing Reggie Bush scooping oil out of the gulf with a bucket that kids use for sand castles.

Is there a way that I can sign up for that ring raffle online? Papa needs some bling.

Drew said...

Fuck the ring raffle. If Payton can hook up a vicodin raffle, I'll be buying as many tickets as I'm allowed to.

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