Monday, June 21, 2010
We will get to the apology portion of this at the end. But first, I imagine that you all would like to know my thoughts on my first visit to new Yankee Stadium last week. Right? A stud blogger heading to New York is bound to be interesting!
OK, so you all had your laughs and digs surrounding my traveling partners being my family and Damman. HAHAHAHA ZOMG HE GOT TO BRING A FRIEND! Now that we have that out of our system, let's do this.
One of the first things I remember when we started walking around The Bronx on Wednesday afternoon was Damman commenting on how he expected the neighborhood to be more dangerous or dirty or something. It really isn't that bad of an area. I'm sure it used to be much worse but it's fine now. Yeah, people are a little more "brown" there than they are in central Ohio, but they aren't all trying to steal your wallet or brandishing switchblades.
Now obviously, everything costs a shitload more in the NYC than it does anywhere else. Case in point being bottles of Bud Light being $6 in the bars outside and $9 inside the stadium. But you learn to live with it because if you are going to watch a baseball game, you better be drinking. There was a bar oustide that had a pregame special of $3 20 ounce cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Delicious. That sound you just heard was Dut's dad planning a trip to Yankee Stadium while combing his mustache.
So we go in early on Wednesday night to tour the museum that they have inside. It was pretty damn cool even if you don't like the Yankees. LOTS of history in that room. They had a handful of the World Series trophies there, actual lockers from the 70's and today, and autographed balls from like every Yankee to ever wear the pinstripes. They were all along this long wall in no particular order. I found it odd that Ian Kennedy's autograph was on the top level while the ball underneath it---autographed by Babe fucking Ruth! Kennedy got top billing over the Babe. Hilarious. Ridiculous.
The food was just as ridiculously priced as the beers. A cheesesteak costs $11. Seriously. Although I did find a good deal with the footlong Nathan's hot dog with kraut, grilled onions, and mustard for $6.75. Did one of those beauties each night. Outstanding. And yes, dipshit Damman did put ketchup on his hot dog. What an asshole. They also have these garlic fries there...holy shit. It's like texas toast and fries finally got together to make one awesomely heart-clogging treat.
Thursday, we went to a sporting goods store in Jersey (we stayed there) before heading into the city. They had a full rack of Brett Favre Jets t-shirt jerseys for $5. I should have bought one. It could have been the booby prize for whoever finishes last in the G$FL. So we parked outside the stadium and took the subway (surprisingly clean!) into Times Square for a few hours. We were going to go to the ESPNZone to watch some day baseball but that place is now closed. And it's unfortunate because I had a great plan to write "ALBOM AND LUPICA FUCK LITTLE BOYS" on a bathroom stall door. It was going to be glorious. And I planned on taking a pic and posting the evidence here for you all to admire. But I had to stick my well-laid plans up my well-laid ass.
That night, we sat in the bleachers which is about as New York of an experience that you can get. And when you throw in pockets of proud Philly fans, it was ripe with loudmouth and obscene behavior. You see, NY is much different than the midwest where baseball fans are mindful of the children sitting near them. That is not an issue in the bleachers. Kids grow up fast out there. So many f-bombs. Sooooooo many f-bombs. Lots of near fights between the two fanbases. The games themselves were sort of dull as the Yankees only had 7 or 8 hits in the two games combined. But whatever. You go to MLB games for the experience. If you are worried about one game in a 162 game season then you need a fucking life. You should always have a good time no matter what happens on the field. Just look at Cubs fans. Getting drunk is the most important aspect of Major League Baseball.
And now for my apology. One of the many cool things about Yankee games is that there are always a handful of celebrities mixed into the crowds. On Thursday night, Brandon Jacobs and Patrick Chewing (who I swear was sitting two seats down from Mike Brown) were in the front row. Ewing was not sweating his ass off though so I am not sure that it was him. Wednesday night, Simon and Garfunkel were in the house and that was pretty cool. Did you know that Art Garfunkel is like the best free throw shooter in the world? It's true. But I'm sorry. I was in the same building Wednesday night as Omarosa and Kathy Griffin and I did not kill them. I could have rid the world of these two troglo-dykes yet I left my sniper rifle at home. I am ashamed of myself. I fucking hate Kathy Griffin. She is less funny than Uncle T tossing Ace's salad. She is a horrible "comic".
So of course I recommend that all of you make a trip to Yankee Stadium at some point in your lives. It is much different than what most of you are used to seeing. The fans are into it. And not fake into it. INTO IT. They berate opposing fans. They stand and cheer when the oppising hitter has two strikes on him. They HATED Shane Victorino. It's something that you have to see for yourselves. Just don't forget your gun. You never know when you might get the chance to kill Kathy Griffin.