(Now THAT is my kind of team! Best team uniforms ever although they need matching cleats! I need to move to Argentina!)
I did not watch the USA/England soccer game on Saturday (I refuse to call it a match). I said it last week and my opinion has not changed since. Soccer is gay. And now you all know it and can stop pretending that you give a shit about national pride. I will not act like I care about it just because other loser countries do. I am more interested in Strasmas part II, college sports realignment, the weather, cleaning the house, etc. than I am for Cunt Dempsey. I played golf instead on Saturday afternoon (actually made a birdie!). I regret nothing. And you know what, it sounds like a didn't miss anything anyway.
I'm not paying attention to the games or anything, but you can't help but notice the scores and highlights if you have any of the ESPN channels on. One thing that I have taken note of is that the World Cup is even lamer than I thought. Has any game even seen three goals yet? What a boring load of shit! Needs more Arriaga and Arriaga 2! I may be the only one who gets this reference but if you watched FlashForward, everyone on the planet blacked out at the exact same moment for two minutes or so. If the entire world watched one minute of the World Cup at the same time, the same thing would happen. Everyone would pass out from boredom.
Now let's talk about, as Ace called it, The Revolutionary War. Like I said, I didn't watch it and I didn't need to. I saw the "highlights". From what I could tell, the Brits owned the entire game, the Americans got a Buckner-esque play from the Brit goalie to weasel away a tie, and the USA played like the inferior twats that they are. What sport allows ties anyway? That's pussy shit. But what do you expect from grown men who exchange jerseys/anal discharges after every game?
Some dickhead writer from the New York Times called the US/England game one of the most important sporting events in the past few decades. Now obviously that is a load of rhino shit since about 10% of this country gave a fake fuck about that. That writer must not remember that every NFL and college football game ever played has been more important than a stupid soccer match. Yes, the Thursday night MAC showdown last Fall between Miami and Buffalo was way more important than this monkey jizz. And if I recall, at halftime of the "most important sporting event", all of the players from both teams started fucking each other in the ass to keep the people from the future from taking their jobs. That may or may not have happened, but if it did, would it surprise you? Josey Altidore seems like a power bottom and you know damn well that Landon Donovan's anus is always greased up and ready for action. Anyway, if this game was so important and life-altering, why did it end in a tie? Lame. There needs to be a winner and a loser at all times.
It feels like I'm beating a dead horse here. But when I'm right, I want you all to bask in my rightness. Soccer is fucking gay. And if I hear one more asshole call it football, I'm going to (running out of threats).
And how about playing these games inside of a fucking beehive! Here I thought that thundersticks were the most annoying fan accesory ever. They don't compare to vuvuzelas (some sort of queer horn that sounds like a bee). God, soccer is for ferries.
Go Slovenia and the team from mother Africa that America still has to play. I can't wait for these Roman helmets to come home. Maybe they will score a real goal next game.