Monday, June 14, 2010

I Could Not Have Been More Right

(Now THAT is my kind of team! Best team uniforms ever although they need matching cleats! I need to move to Argentina!)

I did not watch the USA/England soccer game on Saturday (I refuse to call it a match). I said it last week and my opinion has not changed since. Soccer is gay. And now you all know it and can stop pretending that you give a shit about national pride. I will not act like I care about it just because other loser countries do. I am more interested in Strasmas part II, college sports realignment, the weather, cleaning the house, etc. than I am for Cunt Dempsey. I played golf instead on Saturday afternoon (actually made a birdie!). I regret nothing. And you know what, it sounds like a didn't miss anything anyway.

I'm not paying attention to the games or anything, but you can't help but notice the scores and highlights if you have any of the ESPN channels on. One thing that I have taken note of is that the World Cup is even lamer than I thought. Has any game even seen three goals yet? What a boring load of shit! Needs more Arriaga and Arriaga 2! I may be the only one who gets this reference but if you watched FlashForward, everyone on the planet blacked out at the exact same moment for two minutes or so. If the entire world watched one minute of the World Cup at the same time, the same thing would happen. Everyone would pass out from boredom.

Now let's talk about, as Ace called it, The Revolutionary War. Like I said, I didn't watch it and I didn't need to. I saw the "highlights". From what I could tell, the Brits owned the entire game, the Americans got a Buckner-esque play from the Brit goalie to weasel away a tie, and the USA played like the inferior twats that they are. What sport allows ties anyway? That's pussy shit. But what do you expect from grown men who exchange jerseys/anal discharges after every game?

Some dickhead writer from the New York Times called the US/England game one of the most important sporting events in the past few decades. Now obviously that is a load of rhino shit since about 10% of this country gave a fake fuck about that. That writer must not remember that every NFL and college football game ever played has been more important than a stupid soccer match. Yes, the Thursday night MAC showdown last Fall between Miami and Buffalo was way more important than this monkey jizz. And if I recall, at halftime of the "most important sporting event", all of the players from both teams started fucking each other in the ass to keep the people from the future from taking their jobs. That may or may not have happened, but if it did, would it surprise you? Josey Altidore seems like a power bottom and you know damn well that Landon Donovan's anus is always greased up and ready for action. Anyway, if this game was so important and life-altering, why did it end in a tie? Lame. There needs to be a winner and a loser at all times.

It feels like I'm beating a dead horse here. But when I'm right, I want you all to bask in my rightness. Soccer is fucking gay. And if I hear one more asshole call it football, I'm going to (running out of threats).

And how about playing these games inside of a fucking beehive! Here I thought that thundersticks were the most annoying fan accesory ever. They don't compare to vuvuzelas (some sort of queer horn that sounds like a bee). God, soccer is for ferries.

Go Slovenia and the team from mother Africa that America still has to play. I can't wait for these Roman helmets to come home. Maybe they will score a real goal next game.

15 comments:

Grumpy said...

At least they could man up, play every day and not draw this shit out for weeks.

GMoney said...

Exactly. Nothing about this makes sense. I also find it humorous that the stupid Americans are happy with a tie. THAT'S WHAT WE WANTED!!! Way to settle for mediocrity.

Drew said...

Why do people that don't like soccer always have to be the loudest ones about the soccer?

Grumpy said...

Because the people who like soccer are obnoxious pussies with nerd like tendencies.

Anonymous said...

I watched the game and thought it was somewhat entertaining... Although I don't understand how people kill eachother for this. I also hated hearing people go crazy for a damn tie.


Dut

Mr. Ace said...

In the group round ties happen, it's kind of lame, but after this round no more ties. England was clearly the better team, but the second half was played just about evenly. And we have one of the best goalie's in the world so that saved our ass.

As far as this being one of the most important sporting events in the last decade....not so much. If USA would have came out and won 3-0 then maybe, but a 1-1 tie isn't doing shit for soccer in America.

And it's futbol, not football.

MUDawgfan said...

Needs more Arriaga and Arriaga 2


And they'll all be signing autographs!

GMoney said...

Dawg, Mexico and Portugal need to settle their differences on the field!

Drew, I am loud because I am right. It sucked. Alexei Lalas and Bob Ley fistfuck each other.

Anyway, my birdie from Saturday: straight-shoot off the tee about 240 yards with maybe 150 left in. Pull out an 8 iron and run that bitch within 7-8 feet. Putt for dough, fuckers. First and likely only birdie of the year.

Also, a Money Shot golf outing HAS to happen. I'm tired of hearing that Dut and Ace are out of town. We could definitely get 2 foursomes together sometime.

Mr. Ace said...

How about a 4th of July Money Shot Invitational?

I went glow golfing Friday night at White Pines...it was a good time but the only lighting on the course was a glow stick on the tee boxes and a glow stick on the flag stick. I was drinking heavily and found myself in a couple sandtraps while driving the golf cart. Good times.

GMoney said...

The 4th does not work for me. Umping thrice on the third and thrice more on the 4th while having to waddle into work on the 5th. I suck.

Mr. Ace said...

I forgot about your fetish for young boys...not even a holiday can stop you.

Anonymous said...

Steve Czaban is of like mind.

http://czabe.blogspot.com/2010/06/dreadful-game.html

GMoney said...

I have no idea who that guy is. Should I?

Mr. Ace said...

Steve Czaban...no idea who he is, but I fucking hate people who write 100 2 sentence paragraphs in a post. Fucking hate it.

steve austin said...

Czaban = DC-area radio talk show host. Big Skins fan.