Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Dear Albert Haynesworth


Dear Fat Albert,

I couldn't help but notice that you have been absent from every single team function this offseason. I'm having a hard time grasping why this is the case. I'm sure that you have your reasons and I am also sure that those reasons are stupid. I mean, the team just brought in a Hall of Fame coach who brings with him one of the better defensive minds in the game. I would think that a man of your stature would be chomping at the bit to get into camp/OTA's and be the leader that we all want you to be.

Hell, I'm having a hard time even understanding the logic behind your no-shows. It's not about money since Dan Snyder has given you all of King Midas' silver. I want to believe that a man who just signed a nine figure contract would feel some sort of obligation to the team paying him and would do whatever it asked of him to show that he deserves that money. From what we have been told though, you have different reasons. You are sitting at home because you want to work out on your own. That's fine except that no one believes that your lardass will show up in shape. You've also pissed and moaned about not wanting to play in a 3-4 defense. The job of a nose tackle in a 3-4 is pretty much just to fall down and clog up the middle. You don't even need to make plays. This seems right up your alley.

But I think that my favorite part of this constant saga is that everyone else on the Redskins is buying into the new regime except for you. EVERYONE else (inlcuding malcontents like Larry Johnson and DeAngelo Hall) has bought into the new staff and believes that they may have something good cooking in DC. Even former Redskins have called you out for being a selfish dick yet you still sit at home. NO ONE is backing you up on this. Yes, that is definitely my favorite part of the offseason...your complete and total indifference toward the franchise who set you, your kids, your bastard kids, your kid's kids, and your bastard kid's kids up for life.

And instead of showing your gratitude, you sit. You alienate yourself from the team. I fully expect you to create a divide in the locker room once the season starts.

In conclusion, Albert Haynesworth, GET OFF YOUR FUCKING ASS AND AT LEAST PRETEND THAT YOU WANT TO PLAY IN THE NFL! You are a fucking embarrassment to the sport. I wish that Bruce Allen would have traded your ass on draft day for a 7th round pick just so you can see how worthless you are. Oh sure, you're great 30% of the time you're on the field and pretty good 30% of the time as well. It's the other 40% of the time when you are either hurt or sucking Oxygen like Patty and Selma suck Laramie's. It's a fucking joke and I wish that you were never brought into my life.

I hope that you get run over by a steam roller while being raped by a pterodactyl. You can afford a fancy death when you steal millions of dollars from your employer.

Your mother is a rug-munching test-tube baby,

--anonymous Redskins fan

10 comments:

Mr. Ace said...

Rant-tastic.

You better believe that when he shows up he is going to create a divide in the locker room. I'm sure a lot of the players have bought in, but the majority of them are just about getting paid and will have Fat Al's back.

Drew said...

I liked how Revis decided to show up and then just sit out the final plays. I also love how Revis wants his salary upped from $ 1 M to $ 16 M this year...that's not too big of a raise or anything. I don't give a fuck if he's the best CB in the game...he isn't getting paid $ 16 M a year.

Mr. Ace said...

If Nnamdi Asomugha gets paid 15.1 mil, then why shouldn't Revis get paid near the same level? I would do the same thing if I was Revis.

Drew said...

Just because the league retard owner pays Asomugha a shit load, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. That's like when Crabtree wanted to get paid like a top 4 pick, because mock drafts said he was that good.

GMoney said...

Ace, I can't see many, if any, Redskins siding with Haynesworth on this one. He is a bag of spoiled dicks.

Revis deserves every penny that he can get.

Tony B. said...

Albert has plenty of other things to do, like eating KFC Double Downs by the baker's dozen and going to local playgrounds to spike little children in the face.

wedding invitation said...

but the majority of them are just about getting paid and will have Fat Al's back.

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productreview101 said...

Albert leaving a 21 million dollar check hanging, well let me tell you something Albert, there are millions of enntrepreneurs like me that are even struggling to come up with $20k to start a business that will keep us working like slaves for the rest of our lives, while you hesitate to take a 21M dollar check for playing football, now there is something really wrong with this world, if have that much extra money you should try sharing the wealth and prove that you really do not care about money.

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