Monday, May 17, 2010
I know that I promised on Friday to not talk about the NBA for awhile and I meant that. I stick by my story, Samson. But an NBA post with a potential sex scandal and demise of an entire city? Yes please.
So Friday night, Buke gets a text from a guy that we know stating that the reason that the Cavs looked awful was because that Delonte West had been nailing one of LeBron's side pieces and LBJ found out about it before game 4. Holy shit. While this does not surprise me as NBA players seem like oversexed egomaniacs, it was a bit surprising that of ALL the people to steal puss from, LeBron would probably be the last that you would do that to. But then again, Delonte is fucking nuts (and we all know this).
I'm at work Saturday morning and dedicated an hour to finding out more about this on the interwebs. Well, some terrible site whose traffic just exploded, announced to the world that they heard through someone who works at The Q, that the prior story was accurate but the players involved were not. Nope, Delonte West has apparently been banging LeBron's mother, Gloria fucking James, for months now.
I have no idea if this is true or not but I love me some rumors so I will believe this to be accurate eventhough we will likely never know for sure. Why would Tellez Owens (what does that even mean?) lie? Oh, you mean, to get people to his site? Fair enough. But for as awful as they played after game three, it sort of makes sense that there was some type of major disconnect on the team. And thus I am sold. The only thing that explains their shitty-ass play is that someone was banging someone else's mom.
Delonte West's herpes-ridden, gun-toting dong killed the Cavaliers. It wasn't an elbow or a coach (yes it was) or pace or anything. It was chemistry. Have you seen Gloria James? She's not really a looker. Haven't you ever wondered why no one has came forward claiming to be LeBron's dad? Because doing so would be an admission that you had consensual relations with Gloria fucking James! And yet a millionaire NBA player decided to start porking her amidst the most important stretch of basketball in Cleveland history. Well done.
In conclusion, think about this: Gloria James' vagina caused a rebirth of importance for the Cleveland Cavaliers franchise. Right now, we are unclear if Gloria James' vagina will be the cause of death for the Cleveland Cavaliers franchise. And I guarantee that Delonte is not coming back next season, King or no King.