Monday, May 17, 2010

Worst Mother Ever?

I know that I promised on Friday to not talk about the NBA for awhile and I meant that. I stick by my story, Samson. But an NBA post with a potential sex scandal and demise of an entire city? Yes please.

So Friday night, Buke gets a text from a guy that we know stating that the reason that the Cavs looked awful was because that Delonte West had been nailing one of LeBron's side pieces and LBJ found out about it before game 4. Holy shit. While this does not surprise me as NBA players seem like oversexed egomaniacs, it was a bit surprising that of ALL the people to steal puss from, LeBron would probably be the last that you would do that to. But then again, Delonte is fucking nuts (and we all know this).

I'm at work Saturday morning and dedicated an hour to finding out more about this on the interwebs. Well, some terrible site whose traffic just exploded, announced to the world that they heard through someone who works at The Q, that the prior story was accurate but the players involved were not. Nope, Delonte West has apparently been banging LeBron's mother, Gloria fucking James, for months now.

I have no idea if this is true or not but I love me some rumors so I will believe this to be accurate eventhough we will likely never know for sure. Why would Tellez Owens (what does that even mean?) lie? Oh, you mean, to get people to his site? Fair enough. But for as awful as they played after game three, it sort of makes sense that there was some type of major disconnect on the team. And thus I am sold. The only thing that explains their shitty-ass play is that someone was banging someone else's mom.

Delonte West's herpes-ridden, gun-toting dong killed the Cavaliers. It wasn't an elbow or a coach (yes it was) or pace or anything. It was chemistry. Have you seen Gloria James? She's not really a looker. Haven't you ever wondered why no one has came forward claiming to be LeBron's dad? Because doing so would be an admission that you had consensual relations with Gloria fucking James! And yet a millionaire NBA player decided to start porking her amidst the most important stretch of basketball in Cleveland history. Well done.

In conclusion, think about this: Gloria James' vagina caused a rebirth of importance for the Cleveland Cavaliers franchise. Right now, we are unclear if Gloria James' vagina will be the cause of death for the Cleveland Cavaliers franchise. And I guarantee that Delonte is not coming back next season, King or no King.


Grumpy said...

If true, priceless. If not true, still pretty cool.

Mr. Ace said...

I want to dismiss this(well, not really), but there was an awkward embrace after the Cavs lost in game 6. Lebron was coming off the court and then he hugged who I believe was his mom. Then, Delonte comes up right behind Lebron and hugs the same woman. I found this awkward before this rumor was ever even brought up.

Lebron has herpes.

Drew said...

I believe it as well. Also, look at how Delonte's minutes got slashed beginning with Game 4. I do wonder how Delonte has avoided getting killed yet though.

Have you seen the Deltone KFC YouTube video? Watch that...and then you will have no doubt he's crazy enough to do this.

GMoney said...

No one gets DUI's and kills teams like Gloria James.

Mr. Ace said...

The Delonte KFC rap is awesome.

Anonymous said...


I remember thinking the same thing, after game 6, when LBJ and DW kissing the same chick....kinda makes sense


Drew said...

I just saw this comment from Rasheed and it has to be shared.

The Celtics’ frontline beat on Howard, yes, but they don’t let him get angles and they don’t require the guards to come and double Howard for them. They just keep their chests into him and challenge Howard to beat them with a back-to-the-basket game he doesn’t have down nearly as well as his dance steps. This allows the Celtics to stay out on the perimeter and protect the 3-point line. Orlando missed 17 of 22 3-pointers and they’ll never beat the Celtics unless those shots start to drop for them.

“A lot of them jump shots, the buttholes get tight,” Wallace declared.

GMoney said...

Rasheed Wallace quotes are not welcome here.

Anonymous said...

That was Lebron's mom?! I thought it was Katt Williams or his uncle or a guy of some kind. On my "who is that" list I made in my head...a women didn't even crack the top 10. The earliest mention was number 15...and it was Macy Gray.


Anonymous said...

This makes the Lebron sweep stakes a little easier. First team to kill Delonte West wins.

I am guessing two unemployed steel workers in Cleveland are plotting the dumping site on Lake Erie today.


Grumpy said...

Come on, I'd do LeBron's mom if she bought me an Escalade.