Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Ben Roethlisberger- Pretty obvious. If you're a douche bag and you rape people, you're going to find yourself on my list. Even better, he is one of the most well known Alumni from Miami of Oxford, which pisses off G$, which makes me happy.
Rae Carruth- Ray gets a lot of play around these parts so I think it is important that he be recognized as the worst father/boyfriend/WR ever. Although I must admit, he had his shit together. Riding in the trunk off a car full of urine bottles and candy bars across the country is clearly the workings of an intelligent man. Can you believe this ass hole is getting out in less than a decade?
Mike Vick- I am a softy when it comes to animals. When I was in junior high I once knocked a squirrel off a telephone line by drilling it with a rock in the face. The squirrel fell to its death...I think my rocket arm killed it before it even hit the pavement. With tears of sadness in my eyes, I scooped the poor rodent up and gave him a proper burial in the alley behind my house. I have since vowed to never throw things at animals with ill intent. Vick was choking dogs out like he was Royce Gracie and torturing Pits like he was a lieutenant at Abu Ghraib. That shit's not cool
Chris Benoit- Another guy that gets a lot of play around here for impeccable fatherly instincts. It takes a sick fuck to be able to do something like that to your wife and child. And being a sick fuck is exactly what will get you on the banner.
Maurice Clarett- There has to be at least one Fuckeye on this list and while Mo didn't do anything nearly as abhorrent as those previously mentioned, it's just funny. I'm convinced, though, that if he had not been stopped by police that night he was found with a handle of Goose and a couple AK's, he would have been right at the top of this list. But there is still hope, he willing be getting let out of his cage soon.
Orenthal James Simpson- What kind of fucktard murders two people, one being the mother of two of his children, and then writes a book about it? That is one fucked up individual. Did you know one of OJ's children from his first marriage drowned in the pool? Did you know that OJ was standing on top of the child while it was drowning in the pool? Didn't think so. But it makes so much sense now.
This list could go on forever. People like Denny McClain(Hey, Tigers fans!), Lawrence Phillips, Ray Lewis, Donte Stallworth, Christian Peter, Mike Danton/David Frost, and Mark Chmura will get a serious look at making their way onto the new banner. But I need the help of the commentariat to come up with a comprehensive list to choose from. It can be from the 1920's(Grumpy). It can be a club owner. It can be a sports coach. It can be a fucking bat boy for all I care. So you have my permission to take the day off from work and scour the interwebs to come up with your own list and do your part in making the new banner as immaculate as it can possibly be. Godspeed, Maniacs.
Apparently this guy got wind of what I was doing today and wanted to throw his hat in the ring for banner consideration. Duly noted, Mr. Huguely.