Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Searching For A Swing Coach

Well, the rumor has finally become fact. Tiger Woods and his swing coach, Hank Haney, have parted ways. It can't be easy to work for Tiger. He seems like kind of an ass, is stubborn, and likes to sleep around. But we saw this coming a mile away. Tiger has been hitting balls all over the place since his return and someone has to take the blame. It sure as Hell isn't going to be him. So he decided to pull the ol' "Steinbrenner and Billy Martin" and showed Haney the door (you are a fool if you think that Haney left on his own terms). Whatever. It's a story about a rich golfer firing his golf coach. It really isn't important.

But what is important is who will be replacing Haney. This is a story that should be getting a ton of publicity. I've got my candidate list ready and I wonder if Tiger's is similar. I know that if I were a stud golfer, I'd invest into one of these linksman.

Honorable Mention: I was going to suggest Ken Griffey, Jr. as he was always touted as having a sweet swing and should be looking for work here soon. But then I thought about how those clubhouses likely have some really comfortable chairs and Junior apparently can not resist sleeping in comfy chairs. He's out.
Cosmo Kramer - The K-Man has a veritable wealth of golfing knowledge to disperse as he has learned the game from Stan the Caddy, knows golf etiquette from his experiences with Steve Gendeson, and is quite a marksman out of the sand. The beached whale would agree with that last point.
Roy McAvoy - I finally watched Tin Cup for the first time this past weekend. I always thought that it was a chick flick but it is more of a "Cheech Marin rules" flick. Roy has every shot in his bag, plays with huge cajones, and is not afraid of Gary McCord's mustache. By the way, every time that Craig Stadler opened his walrus-mouth, I died laughing.
Charles Barkley - Just look at that beautiful form. Honestly, Chuck would be an excellent golf coach. Just take everything that he says and do the complete opposite. But you know what, with the Round Mound's history for seeking late night BJ's, he may not be the best fit for Tiger. Moving on.
Al Czervik - He isn't necessarily a savant when it comes to golf swings as Al makes current day Arnold Palmer look like Ernie Els. But he is resourceful. He has everything in his bag, has an impeccable relationship with men of Asian descent, and knows a thing or twelve about real estate. Considering Tiger has a divorce upcoming, that last bit could come in handy. This probably would not work out though when you factor in Al's love of talking during someone's back swing/him stepping on ducks.
Lee Carvallo - Hey, he's a better option than Bonestorm, capiche. Where else are you going to learn things like "you should work on your putting" and "you've selected Power Drive"?
The Dad of the Guy That Writes Mondesi's House - I love this story. This guy, who sired Pittsburgh's number one sports blogger, took aim at the TPC at Sawgrass' famed 17th hole...and shot a 66! On ONE HOLE! He carded a 257 for the round! Imagine playing behind that. As a matter of fact, e shouldn't be allowed to dispense any swing advice, but I wanted to link to that amazing story anyway. A 66!
Chubbs Peterson - Ah yes, the Club Pro. I have mentioned many times that if there were ever an all-black movie about my life, I want Carl Weathers to play me. Chubbs isn't the most conventional coach out there, but he helped a terrible hockey player win a gold jacket so that has to count for something. Hell, Haney couldn't even get Tiger a green jacket before terrible players (Phil) did.

Oh, who am I kidding. I just want Carl Weathers back on TV. Tiger isn't going to listen to me anyway...unless he hires Paddy Tanager the Caddy Manager. That would be hilarious. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? In conclusion, if swing coaches were so great, then why aren't they winning tournaments???


Mr. Ace said...

While I like all your ideas, all I can think is that it took you up until this past weekend to watch Tin Cup. How does this happen?

Michael Richards coaching a minority would be quite the scene.

Anonymous said...

I think Stan the Caddy could probably kill two birds with one stone, and he could fire that other guy that isn't winning him Tourneys too. But I don't think Tiger will want Stan at his side come court time with his wife.

I don't how many people kept up with Arrested Development, but Weathers stint on that show was hilarious. Just watched them this past weekend.

J Saul

GMoney said...

Ace, if you look at the Tin Cup movie poster, it looks like a chick flick with Costner and Russo hugging each other. I got confused.

Don Johnson = awesome villain golfer

Anonymous said...

I would like to nominate my personal swing coach:

His name is Rocky Miller (pictured at the bottom). My boy Rock was able to shave 30 strokes off my personal worst 125!

How do you shoot a 266?? I couldn't even hit the fucking ball when I shot a 125 and this guy still doubled me up.


Jeff said...

Dut, your golf game is terrible and it's hard to believe that milton from office space (or as you call him Rock) knows anything about golf. He's still busy looking for his stapler. Does he give you the junior discount?

27 in a row into the drink can really take a toll on your score. Dut, you were probably lucky there was no water on that course.

GMoney said...

Making him hit up the cart path is hilarious. I laugh, but I would no doubt shoot worse than that at Sawgrass.

Anonymous said...

Tin Cup is Classic.. Every time I watch it I pick up new lines and stuff from the previous time.. I own the movie and have watched atleast 20 times.