Friday, May 21, 2010
When you read that title, where did you think that I was going with this? Was this about the Cowboys? The Red Sox? An Ohio State University? Well, they are most definitely America's least favorite team but let's suspend those feelings for today. Right now, your least favorite team should be the Southern Mississippi baseball team.
I have no idea as to why this bet took place, but Brett Favre is coming back to the NFL...if the Eagles makes the College World Series! His stupid words:
"Guys, remember the bet,'' he said. "Y'all go back and I go back. I promise, I will be keeping up with you. Good luck.''
In response, the team collectively announced that they had no idea who this old fucker was hanging around their field and then called the dog warden to take him back to the pound. I don't know why media outlets are picking up on this like it's news. The USM baseball team could die in a blimp crash and Favre is still coming back the Vikings. But think about it. If this team is any good and goes on a run in the tournament, the main story will be about this Goddamned bet and the Favre PR machine will keep rolling on. This hillbilly is such a diva.
I don't know why I get so worked up about this stuff. I've made a blogging career out of my hatred toward Brett Favre and it really makes no sense. I should want him to keep playing for as long as possible. He really is great. The NFL wouldn't be the same if Favre didn't choke in the postseason EVERY time he gets there. CB's wouldn't get huge contracts in free agency without all of his interceptions. Favre is the gift that keeps on giving. Because as long as he's still around buying Wranglers for all his teammates (worst gift ever), you can forget about that team making the Super Bowl.
So quit making stupid bets, Brett Favre. Get your ass back into old man shape and get yourself mentally ready to crush the spirits of Vikings fans again. And tell Brad Childress to take off that stupid fucking Gilligan hat. He looks like a baby molester (moreso than usual). You heard this correctly, I want more Favre in my life. His yearly failures are just too delicious.
Alright, we are approaching the one month mark of being dog owners and I figured a Friday would be a good opportunity for an update. He's learning his name, is less of a chewer, and has to piss more in the middle of the night than Abe Vigoda, but he's cool. There are two big things that make you know that this is MY dog.
1. During week one, he found She$'s anOSU hat and chewed it to shit. He has never touched one of my lids. I take this as a sign of his Buckeye hatred and I didn't even need to teach him that. Smart dog.
2. He's learning how to bark now and it's annoying as shit. But he doesn't do it often. Except for one occasion. Every time that the one Muslim family in the neighborhood walks down the street, he goes fucking nuts. He does not do this for ANYONE else. But when those shawled chicks walk by, he goes nuts. He hates them. I like owning a racist dog. His previous owner must have been Dick Cheney. One of these nights when I walk home, he's going to put a sign in their yard that reads, "GET OUT, SANDN-WORDS". I'm tellin' ya, my dog is a racist. I would not put it past him. He is not tolerant of other cultures at all.
Have a good weekend all. Now if you don't mind, I need to spend the next three days teaching the pup to loathe Asians.