Friday, May 21, 2010

America's Least Favorite Team


When you read that title, where did you think that I was going with this? Was this about the Cowboys? The Red Sox? An Ohio State University? Well, they are most definitely America's least favorite team but let's suspend those feelings for today. Right now, your least favorite team should be the Southern Mississippi baseball team.

I have no idea as to why this bet took place, but Brett Favre is coming back to the NFL...if the Eagles makes the College World Series! His stupid words:

"Guys, remember the bet,'' he said. "Y'all go back and I go back. I promise, I will be keeping up with you. Good luck.''

In response, the team collectively announced that they had no idea who this old fucker was hanging around their field and then called the dog warden to take him back to the pound. I don't know why media outlets are picking up on this like it's news. The USM baseball team could die in a blimp crash and Favre is still coming back the Vikings. But think about it. If this team is any good and goes on a run in the tournament, the main story will be about this Goddamned bet and the Favre PR machine will keep rolling on. This hillbilly is such a diva.

I don't know why I get so worked up about this stuff. I've made a blogging career out of my hatred toward Brett Favre and it really makes no sense. I should want him to keep playing for as long as possible. He really is great. The NFL wouldn't be the same if Favre didn't choke in the postseason EVERY time he gets there. CB's wouldn't get huge contracts in free agency without all of his interceptions. Favre is the gift that keeps on giving. Because as long as he's still around buying Wranglers for all his teammates (worst gift ever), you can forget about that team making the Super Bowl.

So quit making stupid bets, Brett Favre. Get your ass back into old man shape and get yourself mentally ready to crush the spirits of Vikings fans again. And tell Brad Childress to take off that stupid fucking Gilligan hat. He looks like a baby molester (moreso than usual). You heard this correctly, I want more Favre in my life. His yearly failures are just too delicious.
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Alright, we are approaching the one month mark of being dog owners and I figured a Friday would be a good opportunity for an update. He's learning his name, is less of a chewer, and has to piss more in the middle of the night than Abe Vigoda, but he's cool. There are two big things that make you know that this is MY dog.

1. During week one, he found She$'s anOSU hat and chewed it to shit. He has never touched one of my lids. I take this as a sign of his Buckeye hatred and I didn't even need to teach him that. Smart dog.
2. He's learning how to bark now and it's annoying as shit. But he doesn't do it often. Except for one occasion. Every time that the one Muslim family in the neighborhood walks down the street, he goes fucking nuts. He does not do this for ANYONE else. But when those shawled chicks walk by, he goes nuts. He hates them. I like owning a racist dog. His previous owner must have been Dick Cheney. One of these nights when I walk home, he's going to put a sign in their yard that reads, "GET OUT, SANDN-WORDS". I'm tellin' ya, my dog is a racist. I would not put it past him. He is not tolerant of other cultures at all.

Have a good weekend all. Now if you don't mind, I need to spend the next three days teaching the pup to loathe Asians.

12 comments:

Grumpy said...

We should get our dogs together. I swear ours only barks at black people.

MuDawgfan said...

Dress your dog up as Mohammed on Halloween and dare the dune coons to say something.

Drew said...

I pretty much just want to know what G$ thinks about the Rays kicking the ass of the AL East.

Anonymous said...

Dune coons... Awesome!

Do dogs racial profile? I've noticed that most black people I know either hate or are afraid of dogs.

Whenever I hear a brett favre story I just don't pay attention. Does anyone really care if he comes back again?? I think everyone is sick of it.. And then they come back with this pointless story.

Anyone else excited for Michigan to come out with their self imposed punishment for cheating next week?

Dut

Drew said...

Dut...I'm excited, just because it would be negative news for Michigan. I don't expect much though and I don't think they did really anything wrong.

Also...black people are scared of dogs because all they know about dogs growing up in the ghetto is pit bulls on chains around their porches or stoops. They figure labs, retrievers, etc. are all just crazy like those pit bulls.

GMoney said...

I'm not worried about the Rays. They just beat up on a team with 44% of their starting lineup hurt. Remember that when both were healthy, the Yanks took 2 of 3 in Tampa. One thing that I have learned in my advanced age is that games in May are meaningless and not something to get worked up about.

You know what, you guys might be on to something. Have you ever seen a black guy walking a poodle or a lab or a collie? If they own a dog, it's always a rottweiler or doberman or something else meaner than fuck. Just once I want to see golden retriever living with a black family. Those people would be the Jackie Robinson's of dog ownership.

Mr. Ace watched Grey's Anatomy last night. Let that sink in...

Mr. Ace said...

Dut, you know like negative one black people. How do you know they hate dogs?

Are you really excited to see Michigan lose a couple hours of practice time and some random staff member?

As far as I'm concerned Favre is already back.

Mr. Ace said...

I was fucking forced to watch that shit. There has never been a worse television production. Mrs. Ace even recognizes that it is terrible but still insists on watching because she has been watching it so long. Women.

GMoney said...

Ah, whatever. If that is the case, which I'm sure it isn't because you love McDreamy, that is the same reason that I still watch The Office. It is currently the worst sitcom on TV.

Anonymous said...

Althought it is off topic, I reccommend everyone read this article from The Toledo Blade for a good laugh.

http://toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100521/NEWS02/100529929

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Spieth finishes first round with a 68

--Worst headline ever. I will be rooting against this guy at the Byron Nelson this weekend just because of his name.

Mr. Ace said...

You should all go to google and play Pacman on their banner.