Good morning ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining my first ever "Live" blog, that I did 12 hours ago, here at The Money Shot. It is sure to be great, just like everything else I do here. I'm going into this expecting Duke to beat the shit out of Butler, but desperately hoping that Butler can at least keep it close or this will quickly turn into a live blog of WWE Monday Night Raw...I'm not really sure what I want more actually. Without any further ado, here we go.
8:45 I don't really know why I am watching ESPN before the coverage starts on CBS. I guess I'm a sucker for watching grown men continuously fellate Coach K. I get it, he is one of the best ever. THIS ISN'T HIS FUCKING RETIREMENT! He is coaching a team in the championship game. Fuck. I don't know if this is just the usual Duke slurping or if the Russian billionaire offering the rat $15 mil per year has people thinking his days at Duke are numbered...if Colin Cowherd says it then it has to be true.
8:55 I'm not sure why, and this has nothing to do with the game, but Mrs. Ace is wearing a Michigan shirt...the same shirt she wore to the Toledo at Michigan game a few years ago. Whatever team she is cheering for tonight is sure to be doomed.
9:00 P fucking Diddy? What, Master P and the No Limit Soldiers weren't available?
9:03 Only three minutes into our broadcast and we already have a Hoosiers reference, lets hope it's the last. And I know bandies are supposed to be ugly, but Duke's band seems especially fugly. I can understand why they condone raping prostitutes.
9:10 Matt Howard's trash stache should easily guarantee him a triple double. That thing is awesome. If they win it should be preserved in the Hall of Fame.
9:20 There are just as many white starters as black starters in this game. When is the last time that happened? Texas Western versus Kentucky in 1966?
9:25 The trash stache is already working its magic. This game is over.
9:29 Hey, black kid, you just got blocked by Jon Scheyer. Hand in your ghetto pass.
9:30 The trash stache must have some bad mojo going for it right now. Howard has gotten all good looks just can't get anything to fall. He may have to shave that shit at halftime.
9:36 I just noticed Singler's awful attempt at a goatee. What a fucking tool. If there were one person in college hoops whose nuts I could slap it would be him.
9:38 I really like the Hayward kid. He's got some fight in him and is probably the best athlete on the floor. White Power!
9:41 Well, so far I have noticed three shit calls go against Butler. The charge against Howard was bullshit, Zoubek already had on his "O" face before contact. Then, Zoubek travels but instead gets bailed out with a foul. And then Nored gets hit with a phantom foul, giving him two fouls early in the first half. Typical.
9:48 Clark Kellogg just called Willie Beasley streaky, sneaky, and a weasel all for getting a tip in. What a dick.
9:57 Duke continues to rape people and get four steps before shooting the ball. Nothing new, but really starting to piss me off. It's 26-20 Duke right now. Butler needs to keep it within 6 points at the half.
10:00 Did the Butler players really go to class today? I'm all for student-athletes actually being students but that's just stupid. I hope they made the professor's suck their balls for making them go.
10:05 JUMP FUCKING BALL?!?! Are these refs having a competition on who can go down further on Krzyzewski's dick?
10:08 Hey, other black kid, you just got blocked...by the rim. Hand in your ghetto pass.
10:10 Well, it wasn't the best first half, but it wasn't terrible. Butler should be thrilled to be down by one. With Howard using his trash stache for evil and the refs tendency to deep throat Duke, I'm surprised they're within 10.
10:20 Deshawn Butler just said Bob Huggins is a great role model and great mentor. That is sure to hurt his draft stock more than a blown out knee.
10:28 Is it just me or does Nolan Smith look exactly like Bubba from Forrest Gump?
10:40 Zoubek is really becoming a liability when he comes out on the perimeter. The middle is wide open for Butler. I think the refs realized they were making it way too obvious they placed large sums of money on Duke so they have started to let both teams play.
10:44 Howard has had foul trouble all year long against big men, but he seemed to contain his crazy outbursts the entire tourney. Not tonight. Four fouls with 14 minutes to play isn't good. And Jukes has three, Duke should be living in the paint for the rest of the game.
10:52 Holy Shit! Once again, a phantom fucking charge. I don't even know if Scheyer had one foot set let alone both. Although they may have just made up for it with that foul on Zoubek.
10:57 "Both teams have left some cheese on the line..." Clark Kellogg is quite the word-smith.
11:00 If you can't defend the basket on an inbounds play then you don't deserve to win. Didn't Butler learn anything from Kitty Kat basketball?
11:10 CBS, your overhead camera angles are fucking terrible. Thanks.
11:14 Nasty fall Hayward took there, but no way that's a flagrant. His twin sister is kind of cute...you would do her.
11:18 This Butler coach knows you are allowed to save your timeouts until the end of the game, right? Butler is starting to look desperate...Singler still looks like a fag.
11:20 Dynamite drop in Jim Nantz! There is never a bad time for a Hoosier's reference.
11:26 Two minutes left...Howard finally hits an easy bucket. Please don't let Duke win.
11:28 50 seconds left. Just when I thought it was all over, the trash stache pulls through.
11:31 Holy shit! Zoubek just slammed Howard like he was Hulk Hogan. 30 seconds left. Butler has no fucking clue what they are doing on offense. Let's see what the new guy can draw up. If I'm Butler's coach I am letting Hayward get to the rack coming off a screen...which means Mack will probably drill a three as time expires.
11:34 I would spike the ball off Zoubek's dong so he has to sit out a play. And then run the intended inbounds play.
11:35 Fuck! Why the fuck do you try a fade-away? I hate that shit. Your momentum is carrying you to the basket, go up strong. Hayward really fucked that one up.
11:36 Dammit. I was about to lose my fucking mind if that half-courter fell. At least Howard got to drop Singler on the last play.
Well, at least it was a good game...it never came down to Monday Night Raw. I can't help but have a sour taste in my mouth with the way the calls were going in the first half. I thought it was pretty obvious that Butler belonged on the floor with Duke. This wasn't David vs. Goliath. Butler didn't play near its best game and still came within inches of walking away champions.
After listening to Coach K talk, did you hear a guy that was on his way out? I certainly did. Communists win again. Now, who's ready for 96 teams? Fuck Duke.