Thursday, April 01, 2010

National League Predictions w/ Joe Morgan

What do you know, baseball season starts up again this weekend! I'm looking forward to it this year mostly because any season in which the Yankees are defending champions is always great. And that means that we spend a few days giving a bunch of shitty predictions! Since the National League is inferior in every conceivable way, we are going to spend today getting them out of the way. To help me with this preview, uber-douche Joe Morgan has stopped on by to drop some of his patented insight on each team. This will certainly be informative and not long-winded at all! Anyway, let's get this crappy league over with.

NL East:
1. Braves
My thoughts - They are a trendy pick right now and I am hopping on the bandwagon, too. Things are just sort of lining up for Atlanta this year. It is Bobby Cox's last season and cosmically, I see good things happening on his way out the door. Their pitching staff is outstanding and the bullpen has finally been solidified. Jason Heyward is being compared to Hank Aaron. Chipper probably has one last run in him. And when you have proven winners like Melky and Eric Hinske on the team, you will be just fine.
Joe's logic - I've always said that Bobby Cox gets the most out of his players because he is a terrific manager.
2. Phillies
My thoughts - Yeah, sure, they are loaded again in the lineup but eventually they are going to slip a bit, right? That bullpen is terrible. The rotation outside of Halladay isn't that good. Jimmy Rollins sucks. They're going to make the playoffs and I see them coasting to a 90 win season.
Joe's logic - I've always said that despite Chase Utley being a stud, he will never be as good as I was. He could never have played for the Big Red Machine. We were the best team in the history of the world.
3. Marlins
My thoughts - How sad is it that MLB had to tell the Marlins to start spending money? Total bullshit. I guess that's all that I have to say about these guys.
Joe's logic - I've always said that teams with low payrolls are at a competitive disadvantage. (Can't you totally hear Joe saying this on a broadcast?)
4. Mets
My thoughts - I heard Keith Law say yesterday that the Mets are a big market club that act like a small market club. So true. They never have any good prospects yet try to go cheap in the offseason. And when they do grow balls and sign a free agent, they always waaaaay overpay for average players on the wrong side of their prime (see Jason Bay, K-Rod, Delgado, Beltran).
Joe's logic - I've always said that the Mets are a good team away from becoming a good team.
5. Nationals
My thoughts - I'm actually excited about the Nats this year. Strasburg is going to be a stud and they have the inside track on drafting Bryce Harper if they can afford him. This team might not be that far off. They will surely overtake the Mets at some point in the near future.
Joe's logic - I've always said that Stephen Strasburg has all the talent in the world but he will never be as good as Don Gullett.

NL Central:
1. Cardinals
My thoughts - I have them winning by default. This division is so bad that it could be won with 85 wins. For the record, that Matt Holliday contract is going to kill this team at some point. What an awful deal. He is not worth 9 figures. But for now, I'll pick the team with Pujols, Carpenter, and Wainwright to win a shit division.
Joe's logic - I've always said that the best part of Albert Pujols' game is that he is a great hitter.
2. Brewers
My thoughts - They gave 30 million to Randy Wolf this winter. They may as well have given that money to a real wolf. What a waste. Apparently, they have a lot of mediocre starting pitching and a mediocre lineup outside of Prince and Braun. 81-81 sounds about right.
Joe's logic - I've always said that Prince Fielder reminds me of a lefthanded version of his father.
3. Reds
My thoughts - They are probably a year away from being serious contenders but they should be fun to watch. Next year, with a healthy Volquez and a Dusty Baker getting fired, I could see them winning this division. Dusty is awful. He is worse at dealing with young arms than Joe Torre and he sucks. It would be nice if Jay Bruce hit better than .227 this year, too.
Joe's logic - I've always said that the Reds have never been the same team after the Big Red Machine broke up.
4. Cubs
My thoughts - I hate the makeup of this roster. I hate it. They do not have one remotely decent lefthanded bat, all the guys are getting old, and it still costs them well into the 9 figure range to pay for it. The starting pitching has decent potential but that is implying that Randy Wells was not a fluke and Ted Lilly comes back and is still effective. Those are massive "if's" and this feels like a 78-80 win team.
Joe's logic - I've always said that Wrigley Field is a great place to watch a ball game. I was the first to say that.
5. Pirates
My thoughts - It would be nice if this team could actually get good again. They have had a losing record for 17 straight seasons now. The Clippers can't even say that! Oh well, at least they won't finish last this season.
Joe's logic - I've always said that Roberto Clemente was one of the greatest ballplayers of all time and that his career was cut too short because of that plane crash.
6. Astros
My thoughts - This team spent stupid-ass money this winter on Matt Lindstrom, Brandon Lyon, and Pedro Feliz. Those three make up the necessary ingredients to a shit sandwich. Lance Berkman can't even swing right now and Oswalt is already hurt. Hello, 95 losses!
Joe's logic - I've always said that my time playing in Houston was the best thing to ever happen to baseball in Houston.

NL West
1. Rockies
My thoughts - Simply put, this is the best team out west. Ubaldo Jiminez is a legit ace. Who doesn't like guys that throw in the upper 90's? I just spent the last 3 minutes trying to think of something else to say but I've got nothing. ROCKTOBER!
Joe's logic - I've always said that the elevation of Denver has nothing to do with the game itself. I've conducted hours of research on this.
2. Giants
My thoughts - They should have went out and signed Holliday or Johnny Damon. They countered with Mark DeRosa. DeRo is a fine player, but he isn't going to protect or get on base for Kung Fu Panda. There just isn't enough thump in their lineup to take them seriously.
Joe's logic - I've always said that the best part about Tim Lincecum's game was his ability to get people out.
3. Dodgers
My thoughts - What a fucking mess. It's not everyday that a team goes in the shitter because the owner is getting divorced. They should have signed John Lackey this offseason. They brought back Vicente Padilla (their opening day starter!) instead. Manny appears to be done. Russell Martin is a corpse. Torre appears ready to let his contract run out this year and then move on.
Joe's logic - People argue with me all the time, but I've always said that Kirk Gibson's home run was one of the more dramatic plays in baseball history.
4. Diamondbacks
My thoughts - Do you remember during Spring Training when Cliff Lee got ejected for throwing at D-Back hitters? Yeah, well it started when Lee initially hit Patrick Henry High School's own, Mark Krauss! Amazing. Northwest Ohio represent! I couldn't name more than 7 guys on Arizona so I'm not even going to try.
Joe's logic - I've always said that Brandon Webb is a great pitcher.
5. Padres
My thoughts - Can someone please explain to me why San Diego is thinking of trading Adrian Gonzalez? He is signed on the cheap and is a hometown guy. Why would they dump him exactly? If you recall, I went to a Padres game at PetCo last summer on my honeymoon. They do not sell brats. They are dead to me.
Joe's logic - I've always said that players like coming to San Diego for the weather. The weather in southern California is a real draw.

NL MVP - Pujols (non-Pujols pick would be Prince Fielder)
NL Cy Young - Roy Halladay (and Chad Billingsley!)
Manager - Bobby Cox
NL ROY - Jason Heyward

Playoffs: Braves over Cardinals. Phillies over Rockies (again). Braves over Phillies to win the pennant. I was going to pick against Atlanta but Bobby Cox threatened to beat me like he did his wife. I don't want no trouble, Bobby, but I should warn you that I picked the Giants to win the NL last year. Superior league analysis tomorrow. Thanks again to Joe Morgan for "helping out" around here today...and if you think he sucked, wait to you see who's stopping by tomorrow.


Mr. Ace said...

There is only one thing I dislike more than Major League baseball, and that is National League baseball. Get a fucking DH you queers! There have been alot of people jumping on the White Sox lately and I'm kind of looking forward to watching them...but I will wait til tomorrow for that.

I don't know anything about NL teams. All I know is Mrs. Ace is already giddy about the Braves and know you post this shit. Dick.

I like the Phils and the Cards in the NL. The Braves are depending on too many young players to make it. I still like the Phils to get back to the Series.

GMoney said...

I cater to ALL of Mrs. Ace's needs.

Eventually, you would think that having a redneck mental defective as a manager would hurt the Phillies.

Anonymous said...

G$....Did that crazy fucker Demarcus Cousins show up at your house last night? I was sitting courtside at the McDonald's game last night and so were Wall and Cousins. I gave Cousins your address and told him that you thought he was a huge faggot. I was hoping that on their way back to Lexington (I was told they were dropped off by a gray Cadillac Escalade with Kentucky Sheriff plates) that they would stop by...Cousins would whoop your ass and then Wall would do the John Wall dance over your body.


Anonymous said...

The NL is not even worth commenting on.

Best Joe Morgan quote of all time, "The 3, 4, and 5 hitters will usually be the first three hitters of the 9th inning."


GMoney said...

You're right about it not be worth commenting on, but you can still talk about how terrible the Cubs are.

MuDawgfan said...

2 more months with Tommy Hanson and an entire season without that Fucko Jeff Francouer is worth at least another 10 wins. Go Braves!

Tony B. said...

The Cubs are most dangerous when they are given low expectations. This is not to be confused with Wrigley Field Bleacher fans who are most dangerous when their blood alcohol level is so high that their hearts pump Old Style instead of blood.

GMoney said...

Dawg, I have had 6 fantasy teams the past two years (3 each season) and I have owned Hanson in every one of them. I fucking love that kid. And I have been loading up on Braves. Have Wagner and Heyward in 2 of the 3 leagues and have the Melkman in my heart forever.

It's been 102 years since the Cubs have been dangerous. And they have had low expectations for 98 of those years.

Why are you telling Cousins and Wall to come get me? I actually like them!

Anonymous said...

Ah, the Chad Billingsley Cy Young Prediction. It wouldn't be a G$ NL Preview without it. Is this the third or fourth straight year?

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

I think I predicted him to win the NL Cy Young when he was pitching for Defiance HS.