Wednesday, April 07, 2010

The Hump Day Hump


Every Wednesday back in 2007-2008, we here at The Money Shot ran down some stories, that aren't "full topic worthy", in a bullet-pointed fashion. The results were delightful. We are bringing it back (again) today because there is really nothing else to talk about and I'll be damned if I do a creative post on a Wednesday. Creativity is for Mondays and Thursdays (maybe), dammit!

This week, the "Oh sweet fucking Jesus, I love this time of year" Edition.

***Welcome back, Tits - It's that time of season again, boys. For those of you who live in a place that is relatively warm year round, go fist your ass. You don't know what it's like to put up with long coats, bulky sweaters, and fucking jeans for 7 months per year. The day is now upon us cold weather assholes because the parkas are gone and the halter tops and skirts ARE FUCKING BACK, BABY!!! Now granted, many midwestern girls should probably not be showing the amount of skin that she would like to, but fuck it. I'll take a few heifers showing their winter High Life guts if it means seeing a few broads like the one in the picture wake up from their snowy, asstastic hibernation. I love this time of year. The sluttiness is back. Girls are running outdoors again. It is delicious. I have no clue how to end this blurb so I will just again say, YAY BOOBIES!!! That paragraph may or may not have been typed by my dong. I'll never tell.

***Pity is reserved for those who have accepted their shittiness - The president of the Brewers (who just gave 30 million to Randy Wolf, mind you) has been bitching about how he won't be able to afford Prince Fielder when his contract up. He has been going out of his way to single out the Yankees as the main reason for this. Yankees president, Randy Levine's, response just about said it all: quit whining. Listen asshole, the big market teams aren't breaking any rules. You have no problem taking the tens of millions of revenue sharing dollars and not investing it into your team. I don't want to hear it. Stop being a pussy, Brewers guy. You should actually be thanking the Yankees since they continue to line your pockets with their money. Basically, baseball isn't going to change because Milwaukee can't afford to pay Prince his market value. Tough shit, queer. Don't like it? Move to a place in which sausage and heart attacks aren't your main exports.

***His parents should be arrested for shitty parenting - By now, we have all seen the story of Notre Dame recruit, Matt James, getting drunk and falling off a hotel balcony on Spring Break last weekend. It's sad. As one of my Facebook friends so eloquently put it, "that's what he gets for picking ND over Ohio State". Brutal? Definitely. Sort of funny? I'll allow it. My problem here is with the parenting. This kid is a golden ticket yet they let him run off to the goddamned Spring Break capital of the world! Who are these people? The kid is 17. Even with supervision, he should NOT have been allowed to go to Panama City for a week. Johnny Communications Degree-yes. Stud football recruit-fuck no. My own personal opinion is that this was an easily avoidable tragedy...if his parents weren't janitors at McDonald's. And to make this topic even MORE tasteless, do you think that when he went splat he coughed up a "Touchdown Jesus"? I'm not proud of that.

***Shaun Rogers is apparently NOT an air marshal - Who the fuck takes a loaded gun to the airport? Obviously the same guy that owes the Lions 6.1 million dollars. Let's think about this for a minute and break it down. You have a flight to catch. You're running late. You've got a bag packed but it's a long flight so you want to bring something to get you through it. You throw together some things like your iPod, a magazine or two, a neck pillow maybe, and a loaded hand gun. Really? How big is your fucking carry-on when you can't see a goddamn GUN in it? He says that it was an accident which is obviously a fucking lie. This guy is a moron. They should put him in jail just for being a dickhead. The best part about this? Commenter Drew has a Lions jersey of this guy. And he brings loaded guns to the airport, too, but he unloads it in the Terminal bathroom stalls.

***This is another reason why white guys shouldn't dunk - Anyone catch that Andrew Bogut injury last week? Here's the video. It is not for the squeamish. That's a shame, too, because he was finally coming into his own and Milwaukee was a legit contender to upset Atlanta or Boston in the first round. Personally, I'm rooting for the Bucks. Is there a better sports slogan right now than "Fear The Deer". I mean, it's much better than Joe Dumars' slogan, "I have no idea what I'm doing yet no one will fire me".

***Tiger Woods is going to bone some azaleas - It's Masters week. It is going to be awesome. Tiger has security all over the place preventing his mistresses from showing up. They are walking up to random women and asking if they are strippers. This is everything that I thought it would be. I'm even digging his evil goatee. I like to think that he's embracing being the villain. For the record, he's not going to win. If someone wants to bet you that Tiger will win and give you the field, that guy is the biggest dipshit that you know. Woods has a better chance of sodomizing Verne Lundquist on the 16th green than he does winning this weekend. But I'll be watching anyway.

***Donovan McNabb is a liar - He said that the Redskins are a great organization...first day on the job and he's already lying to us.

Either that or he is trying out new comedic material. It's not really my sort of thing since it's all too real to me. I'm more of a 17-year-old-kid-falling-to-his-death joke kind of guy myself.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I do have a jersey of Shaun's, but it will be quickly replaced with a SUH jersey on draft day. How about the Lions sending a 5th round pick to Seattle for an OL that started 14 games for them last year, but does not fit their zone blocking scheme under Petey? Who is this organization that keeps making what seem like intelligent moves and what have they done with the Lions?

Also...you are a moron..Charles Rogers owes the Lions $ 6.1M..not Shaun. There is about a 50 times better chance that Tiger wins the Masters than Charles Rogers has any of that money left to pay back to the Lions.

I love tits.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I disagree about the parenting thing. The kid is going to be in college in 3 months. The only difference between college and spring break is nobody has to go to class and there are sluts wearing thongs everywhere. More students die falling off balconies in college than spring break! I was 18 when I went to Daytona Beach. Do I have shitty parents too!?

I love the hump day hump. Its much better than a full day of something crazy like the NBA or Ace breaking down the Eagles or whining about poor officiating.

I figured you would at least mention how awesome the Tigers are or how the Indians and Cubs are even worse than we expected. I know its only been 1 game, but its obvious!


Dut

Mr. Ace said...

I too would like to welcome back tits.

Dut, you have no morals so you obviously cannot have a moral judgment. If you are letting your high school kid go on spring break you are just asking for trouble. Any kid, I don't care if it is Johnny Communication degree, it's poor parenting to allow it. What do you think your kid is going to do down there? Terrible decision.

The best about the Shaun Rogers thing was that his gun was cocked with a bullet in the chamber!!! What a fuck.

Tiger isn't winning but I don't care. I can't wait for the Masters.

KPietsch said...

Rogers spent all of his money on drugs and attorney's to stay out of jail.

As for McNabb's comments, how could you not agree? They signed Willie Parker (as you said) will look great on their injury report, McNabb might have one or two more years left in him but he needs a weapon. Which brings me to the final person DC is looking at, T.O.. That would be funny. About as funny as the Steelers will be with out our QB.

Mr. Ace said...

FREE MAURICE!

GMoney said...

Dut, your parents let you go on Spring Break hoping that you would take the same tumble as Matt James. And that's the thing. He was a 17 year old kid which basically means that he is the property of his parents until his next birthday. They might as well have pushed him off the balcony themselves.

I love how some people are actually saying that the Redskins are contenders to come out of the NFC THIS YEAR. Our Super Bowl odds went 55-1 to 30-1 on Monday. I'm starting to feel a little bit better about McRib, but I still think it is doomed to fail.

Anonymous said...

Ace- if I had no morals, I would have been nailin your fiance before she was 18. BOOM ROASTED!

I think the more freedom you give your kids, the less they're likely to fuck up. Unfortunately in this case it backfired. We don't know all of the details of this though. The kid could have been sober and his weight broke the balcony. Who knows. However, from my experience in Panama City, 6:30 PM is when everyone goes to their rooms after drinking and doing drugs all day. Usually the parties would move their balconies because there would be titties flashin or girls fingerblastin themselves everywhere. I even saw a girl climb over her balcony...12 stories up.. To get to another balcony while wasted. Who knows what happened in this kids case.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Dut,

Out of the 15+ people I have talked to about the Matt James tragedy, you are the only person who claims it was not bad parenting. The only way my kids would be able to go on spring break in high school would be with myself or if they were closely supervised by parents I trust in a group with no more than 3 kids to 1 parent. This is a classic example of horrible parenting decisions. Even if the 6 adults that were with them were viewed as chaperones (which, according to the St. X Football Coach, they were not), I still would not allow my kid to go with 39 other kids and only be supervised by 6 adults. That is nearly 7 kids per adult, which is simply too much responsibility with all the temptations these kids will have. Additionally, if any of these kids are 6'6 290 lb. with a huge ego and a sense of entitlement, do you think he will be able to be controlled by anyone other than his parents or an adult they know well enough to respect and obey? No. At least when your kids are in college they have been on their own for a while and know how to handle themselves & their alcohol a little better. Personally, if my son were set to recieve a full ride to Notre Dame with a very rewarding future waiting for him, regardless of whether or not he goes to the league, I would have him under lock and key until he left and I would make sure he stayed out of trouble situations as much as possible. This situation simply asked for trouble.

-Lil' Strut

Grumpy said...

Thanks for bringing back The Hump Day Hump. Kind of free style blogging. College kids on spring break trips, yes. High schoolers, no. Even though James had graduated, he was still only 17.

Mr. Ace said...

"I think the more freedom you give your kids, the less they're likely to fuck up."

Agree, lets turn out kids lose and let society/natural selection sort them out.

Why do kids go on spring break? To get fucked up and fuck. Why would you willingly send your 17 year old son into that? It's one thing to want your kid to have experiences and not be sheltered, but this was completely different.

Anonymous said...

Agreed, Ace. There is a time and place for everything, and its called college.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

We are going to make excellent fathers, fellas...

Except for Dut who would send his 9 year old son to Daytona with a wifebeater and a bottle of root beer Schnapps.

Anonymous said...

Dut....The police report said he was drunk and beliggerent.

I like this debate about parenting between a bunch of people that don't have kids. My goal is to meet a broad that doesn't want kids so that we can selfishly spend money on ourselves for the rest of our lives. For the rest of you...I hope you have daughters and Dut's drunken free spirit of a son impregnates all of them.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

My DNA won't allow me to have daughters....and Dut is a catcher, not a pitcher. BOOM! Roasted.

Anonymous said...

Ever think about blaming society? hahaha. If you ask our president, its all of our faults!!!!!!!!!!!

I read that the kid was wasted and leaning over the rail, was probably flexing his muscles to girls while his friends said he was playing football for Notre Dame, leaned over too far to catch a glimpse of some side boob, and then splat. They said the balcony was up to code and didn’t give or anything.

I don't know about the parental situation at this, but sometimes HS kids lie to their parents to go drink and party, I mean the kid already graduated HS what else is there to do in life?!

Bottom line, the kid wasn't athletic enough to get drunk and stay on a balcony with a high fence, is this really a tragedy he would have sucked at ND anyway.

Go Blue - J Saul

GMoney said...

I was a little nervous about the reactions from bashing this kid, but it seems like I just opened the door for all of you. Consider me the Jackie Robinson of laughing at dead teenagers.

Drew, that is the best part. No one commenting on this has kids (that they know of) yet we are all experts at parenting! It's like Matt Millen running a football team.

Anonymous said...

I heard Matt James just wanted to get ready for ND FALL Practice.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

WORST. JOKE. EVER. FAG.

A New Experienced Me said...

I made almost the exact same comment at work when I read this...about the bad parenting and got fucking crucified by the two bitches I work with. I responded with, "Ummm, this is sports related so why don't you stick to what you're good at and go make me a sandwich and feed it to me while I read before I backhand the shit out of your mouth." Is backhand one word or two???