Thursday, March 04, 2010

When Alcohol Enhances Your Experience

(Cubs fans know what I'm talking about. They've been doing this to make rooting for their team easier for over a century now.)

I gave up beer for Lent. I thought that it would be easier than it has been and I still have a long way to go before that sweet nectar can be ingested again. I have been thinking about beer more and more recently since it is no longer an option in my life. I'm not one of those snobs that only drinks the shit that costs $10 for a sixer. In fact, I'm the opposite. When I have one beer, I immediately want ten more of them so I favor the cheap shit. If I'm feeling upper class, I may drink Heineken or LaBatt's or something. But I'm mostly a Bud guy and I have no problem admitting my low-brow beer preferences. So with my less-than-sophisticated taste buds, I've been thinking about drinking cheap beer and how it relates to the sports I enjoy. Specifically, which sporting events are enhanced by mass quantities of domestic beer and which are not?

Below is a sport by sport look at how much beer adds or subtracts from the quality of the game in which you are a patron. Note, this is not about your level of enjoyment from the couch where you put back 18 beers on Saturday in the Fall, it's about how beer influences a game/event that you attend.

Baseball - I don't know what it is, but sitting outside in the Summer and pounding 8 dollar Bud Light's in the bleachers is just the tits. I swear that beer tastes ten times better at an MLB game than it does at a bar. There are issues though. Your beer will surely become boiling lava hot within ten minutes of it's purchase. And, for me, the more I drink, the louder and more crass that I get. With all the families that come to baseball games, I usually am asked by a concerned father to kindly shut the fuck up. Fair enough, homo. I probably shouldn't be threatening Ichiro with atomic bomb references anyway.

College Football - I don't know of any college football stadium that sells alcohol. They may exist, but I doubt it. You do your drinking before the game, fucko. That BAL has to be high enough so that your buzz does not wear off during the game. Some people, I'm guessing someone like Drew, probably sneaks a flask into the stadium with him. And that's fine, I suppose. But going to these games in some of these stadiums is a feeling that you want to have some sort of memory of. When I was a Senior, Iowa came to Oxford and it was as dubbed as one of the biggest games in school history. I responded by getting blackout drunk before it started and don't remember one play of that game. I regret that now.

NFL - Here is another sport in which the tailgate is vital. I've been to a few NFL games in my day and I'm usually so worked up and pumped full of nervous energy that drinking isn't the top priority for me. I want to be into the game. I want to know what I'm seeing. I don't want to be running to the bathroom or the beer stand after every other possession. Football games are fucking important, dammit, and are not meant to be fucked around with. If you go to a game and spend ungodly amounts of money for tickets, you better pay the fuck attention. You can get shitfaced any time you want, you only have so many football games to attend per year.

College Hoops - I actually don't think that alcohol is necessary if you are going to a basketball game. I've been to a few arenas that sell it (Xavier and Wright State come to mind) and it had a novelty effect on me, but it didn't really add anything. College basketball sort of thrives based on the energy of the building and is fueled by the students. If the team is good, booze shouldn't be needed to ignite them. Fans->Fuel->Ignite!

NBA - I personally believe that NBA players are the best athletes on the planet. People may disagree with me, but they are wrong. I don't need alcohol to enhance the experience of the game of professional basketball. If you need 10 Miller Lite's to appreciate a bunch of 6'9" guys doing crazy shit with their talents, you aren't a real sports fan.

NHL - Drinking is probably my favorite part of going to a hockey game. Since the arenas are freezing ass cold, your beer is always freezing ass cold. There aren't as many small children as there are at baseball games for whatever reason. The fights are more awesome when you are buzzed. Eventhough I have no clue what the rules are, the more that I drink, the more I become an "expert". Hell, when I went to the CBJ game a few weeks ago, I was drunk and getting into it and actually screamed "THROW A FLAG" at the referees. The people sitting in my section thought I was being funny, but no, I was just drunk and confused.

Golf - Much like baseball, drinking outside when the weather is nice is great. When I make it out to The Memorial, I'm not one of those all-stars that walks around the course following the big names. That's amateur shit because walking on a golf course sucks balls. I park my ass on a green near a beer tent, develop an amazing collection of Swamp Ass, and put down as many beers as possible while trying not to yell "Noonan" at the golfer's when they putt. I've said it before and I'll say it again, golf tournaments are amazing.

Racing - Everyone that has ever been to an auto race has nothing but glowing things to say about the drunken experience. One of these days, I will attend a race. And I will throw up. And I will get arrested trying to dry hump Joe Gibbs.

So, I guess if I had to rate my top 3 sports in which alcohol during the event makes it better and more enjoyable, I would go:
3. Golf
2. Hockey
1. Baseball

You may wonder why I left football off the list and the answer is simple: Football, even when you are sober is always awesome. Kind of interested to hear your thoughts on this though. Fire away. I miss beer.


Grumpy said...

You're right about football. I want to be into the game. I never understand people paying big money for an NFL game, start drinking at 9:00 a.m. and then be passed out by kickoff.

Anonymous said...

1. Baseball
2. Baseball
3. Baseball

Nothing beats drinking on an 80 degree, sunny day at a baseball game. Making sarcastic and crude comments, to the enjoyment of the people around you. Can't beat it.


Anonymous said...

Hmmmm...interesting topic for a drunk like myself. First off....I haven't snuck booze into a Buckeye football game since college. I don't see any reason that college football stadiums should sell beer unless they just don't care taht at some point in a big game their stadium will look like a Brazilian soccer stadium and the embarrassment would never go away.

For pre-game drinking...I think the list starts and ends with college football. There is nothing more fun than tailgating for a big college football game...nothing.

In-Game drinking...

1.) Hockey. I like the cold aspect and when everyone stands up with a big beer in their hand after a goal or during a fight. I pretty much can't go to a hockey game without sucking done one 24 oz beer during each period. I'd go broke if I ever had season tickets.

2.) Baseball. I was in a Wrigley roof top this past summer. They are open bars. The game went like 15 innings. It was amazingly fun.

3.) Outside NFL games. Good cold outside NFL games are very fun to drink at. Inside sterile NFL games are not that fun to drink at....unless it's Thanksgiving and you want to get blasted before you go home for Thanksgiving dinner (love doing this).

4.) Golf. I wouldn't even go to a golf tournament if I couldn't drink beer at it. Adding beer to it makes it a ton of fun...especially when you and your buddies just start saying weird things to the golfers.


GMoney said...

The rooftop experience at Wrigley is amazing. I think I put down about 1,000 Old Styles that day.

Mr. Ace said...

I never snuck in a flask to a game... but at toledo we used to sneak in entire bottles of liquor to the student section. That was pretty awesome. I'm sure I got rufed at one point.

I'm not gay enough to go to a golf tournament, but I can't imagine going to one and not being able to drink.

I've also never been to a hockey game, but I am gay enough to go to one. I know nothing about hockey other than that I absolutely dominated street hockey when I was a youngster. Booze would be a necessity.

I love me some boozing at the ballpark. It almost always ends bad, and awesome, but baseball is the most boring sport on the planet and I'm not frying in 90 degree heat without a cold one in my hand.

Why the fuck would you give up beer?

GMoney said...

Because it's a mental challenge. A test of my will.

Damman, do you know if Thompson will be keeping up his streak of getting ejected from the Indians home opener this year? What's he at now, 4 years in a row for being too drunk?

Anonymous said...

Horse racing - particularly the Kentucky Derby, but really any horse race will do

Anonymous said...

Went to a Louisville football game last year. They serve beer in their stadium, so you can retract the statement that no college football games sell beer. That rule is by conference. The major conferences (SEC, BIG10, etc) dont because the amount of people at the games. The smaller conferences do. Good research asshole.


Anonymous said...

I have not talked to Big T in awhile so I'm not sure. But rest assured, if he's there, he's getting tossed. I think his streak of getting tossed from any baseball game he attends is at like 9 or 10. Very impressive indeed.


GMoney said...

Seal, if you come here for research, you know damn well that you are in the wrong place.

Tony B. said...

I also gave up beer for Lent- Easter will come just in time for baseball season.

I believe Sac St serves beer at their football games. I know this because their fans complain that UC Davis does not serve beer.

Anonymous said...

This topic is right in my wheelhouse. I will agree with you about baseball. When I go to a baseball game, I do not look at it as a sporting event, but a happy hour. A beer an inning is always my goal...normally I blackout by the 9th inning, because the beers are 24 oz.

When I worked at Ohio Stadium in undergrad, it was explained to me that they do not sell beer at the game, all the students are already shitfaced by the time they get to the game. It would be like throwing gasoline on a fire. The Original Strut was not to be deterred though. We got seats together the last 3 years I got season tickets and each game he would sneak in 2 flasks of Cap'n Morgan. We would take turns bying cokes for eachother each quarter and the rest is history.

Do you remember the Tribe game we went to in the summer of '07 when Thompson was yelling at a guy wearing a Twins jersey an entire section over from us, "I Fucked Your Mom!!!" Followed by the younger Thompson yelling "She gives good head, too!" The Thompson brothers kept indirectly challenging one another to one-up the other. Hilarity ensued.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Should we congratulate Mr. Ace for getting one of his posts from a few months ago linked on Deadspin this morning???

Mr. Ace said...


Jeff said...

College football is by far the best event to tailgate for, being able to watch other games while you get boozed up for your game. The best events to drink at are hockey, horse racing, and baseball games. I went to the preakness a few years ago and was in the infield and it was just one giant party. BYOB, coolers everywhere. The cops didn't give a shit as long as you weren't fighting someone. You placed your bets for the races and then went back at the end and checked your tickets to see if you had won because you were so drunk you probably had no idea. I read in a local paper the next day that described the scene on the infield as "lawless".

Anonymous said...

Deadspin must have been going through some lean times to have to resort to Mr. Ace's material.

LS, I remember that game well. I think everyone in our group was tossed except for me and you. The fact that the whole section stood up and cheered when they were tossed made it even better,


Anonymous said...


If you gave up beer for Lent, does that mean all alcohol or just beer??

If you are not drinking, I will personally buy you a six-pack of whatever pop you want to drink at my tourney on the 20th...or even Gatorade if you want.....your call!!


Anonymous said...

Alcohol is also served at certain sections at BGSU home football games.
I thought everyone snuck a flask into college football games?

If I was an indians fan I'd probably have to drink a beer an inning to sit there watching that shitshow.

Ace- you need to go to the memorial this year. It will change your mind. There are slutty gold diggin bitches everywhere... Along with beer and golf. Great time.

I like drinking beer anywhere. I enjoy drinking at each of these events. Picking a favorite would be like parents picking their favorite child.


GMoney said...

Before Ace's head gets too big. That snowy baseball picture that I posted yesterday made me quasi-famous.

MLB Network contacted me about using it on MLB Tonight. Of course, I did not respond to the email in time.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Dut, I am sure you have been much happier watching the Tigers win all those championships the last 20 years. Oh, wait, they have never won the AL CENTRAL! Yep, sign me up for that.


Mr. Ace said...

The people over at Mgoblog don't appreciate our humor, G$.

I linked to my storming the floor post because there was a message board thread about it, and the people did not find it pleasing. They also did not appreciate your gay bashing and racist comments about Ichiro. Pretty hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Damman- I always knew you'd come around.

And why would a Tribe fan ever bring up championships?? Do you need reminded that your last was 1948?


GMoney said...

Like I give a fuck what those HOMO Michigan fans think about me. When you FAGGOTS become relevant again, I will still not care. In fact, a school comprised of 90% CHINAMEN does not intimidate me at all. Thanks for all the hits today, QUEERS.

For the record though, I never said anything to Ichiro while sitting in the RF bleachers. And I will never ever apologize for drinking at a baseball game.

Anonymous said...

Nippert Stadium home of the UC Bearcats sells Alcohol at there games.


Mudawgfan said...

"When I was a Senior, Iowa came to Oxford and it was as dubbed as one of the biggest games in school history. I responded by getting blackout drunk before it started and don't remember one play of that game. I regret that now."

We got screwed - it was terrible

KPietsch said...

I've had some funny drunk encounters at some games before. I'm sure you heard them but if not, Buke or Rune could fill you in, lol.