Wednesday, March 10, 2010

No Other Way To Describe It

Embarrassing. Flat out embarrassing. But I will get to that in a minute.

Whew. It feels good to be back. For those of you unaware, my grandmother passed away late last week. It sucked, as burying loved ones always does, but the best thing for me to do personally is to get back to the grind. That means writing. So with that being said, much thanks to Mr. Ace for taking care of the place while I was out. I've got a rant today that Ace touched on earlier this week, but my thoughts have been building up over the past four days and I need to unload them.

Ben Roethlisberger, you are an embarrassment. I didn't think that anything could make me less proud to be a Miami alumnus than 3 wins on the football field over the past two seasons, but I was wrong. Do you realize how much it sucks to have your school connected to a guy who has been accused twice within 10 months of sexual assaults? HE IS THE FACE OF THE FUCKING PROGRAM! I can't wear my Miami gear with pride anymore. We used to be "that place with the good business school, Wally Szczerbiak, and Big Ben". Now people wonder if everyone in Oxford is a rapist. That fucking sucks. And the sad thing is, I would still take those three years that Ben gave us in college. That speaks to how sad I am. I am the Ravens fan who doesn't care that Ray Lewis is a murderer because he won a Super Bowl. I am the Ohio State fan that ignores the Maurice Clarett Drunken One Man Army because it got them a ring.

Now before Grumpy starts firing off in the comments about how these are allegations, let me be clear about this: I don't care. Don't be naive. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you can't because you are guilty and everyone knows this. And it's not like these two incidents are the only instances of Ben being less than chivalrous. Everyone knows the rumors about his time in Oxford. Granted, none of these have been proven to be true yet. But when you wrap all of them up into a nice, neat little package, something doesn't smell right.

Speaking of bad smells, I know damn well that everyone of you, at some point, has been out at a bar when all of a sudden the stomach starts gurgling. Dammit, you knew that you should have dropped The Cosby's off at the pool before you left the house. The bar you are at doesn't have a door on the stall so that option is out. So here you are run-waddling a block and a half to Taco Bell hoping that there isn't piss all over the seat when you get there because this is surely going to be a photo finish. SUCCESS! You made it. You are doing your best Harry Dunn impression. You leave the bathroom and notice that a line of six guys are pointing and laughing at you. Time to head back to the bar where your friends will surely bust your balls for the rest of the night and the near future. But you learned your lesson and you will never make that mistake again. Hell, you will sit on the toilet for 20 minutes before leaving the house just trying to get ANYTHING out so you don't have to do that waddle of shame again. Only an idiot would not learn from this after the first time.

Do you see where I'm going with that? Big Ben is a fucking moron. I really believe that. How do you let this happen to you AGAIN? How do you get stuck in that position AGAIN? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TROLLING FOR COLLEGE CHICKS WHEN YOU JUST SIGNED A NINE-FUCKING-FIGURE DEAL TWO YEARS AGO! This guy is not just a retard, he is a real-life Simple Jack. Except that his "head movies" are snuff films. How can someone quarterback a team to two Super Bowl titles in 6 years and be so stupid off the field? It just doesn't seem possible. And why is he spending any of his time in southeast Georgia?

I swear, when he retires, Derek Jeter should do nothing but teach young athletes how to get everything that you want in life and not make a scene. Seriously, he does it how it should be done. He doesn't get stuck in hotel rooms with low-level employees like Ben and Kobe or hangs out at college bars. He bangs actresses, models, singers, and general famous people. He hooks up with people that don't want the extra attention and aren't looking to become famous. THIS IS HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO THINGS, FUCKO. He stays out of the tabloids and off of TMZ. Every male in America would kill for his life. He knows exactly what he is doing at all times and he would have the best PR firm ever.

Ugh. Again, this is embarrassing. I hope that this is not true. I really do. But I am growing tired of this shit. I'm tired of hanging my head in shame. I don't want Miami to be known for President Harrison and a serial rapist QB. I guess that just makes me old-fashioned.

18 comments:

Grumpy said...

My sincere condolences on the death of your grandmother.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about the g-ma.

Big Ben needs to go on a sex cruise like the Vikings. There's no rape on sex cruises...just a bunch of hoes that want you to stick their dick in them.

Why are neither of Ben's alleged rapees attractive either? Both are just very mediocre blondes.

Since the discussion is dirty fuckers...here's a joke...

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

G$,

Sorry about your Grandmother.

I agree with your analysis. I could understand how he would be accused once without an ounce of truth to the accusations, but for him to be accused twice, seems fishy to me. Granted, a lot of college girls are dumb cum dumpsters a lot and many are gold diggers, however, Big Ben should realize this. The fact that he was hanging out at college bars with a bunch of 20-22 year olds when he is a 28 year old multi-millionaire presents some red flags about his character. You would think he would take measures to not get himself into similar situations as the one he got himself into in Nevada. Especially, while the Nevada issue is not even finished yet. Evidently he thinks he plays by different rules. Maybe she should join Tiger in sex rehab/common sense 101.

-Lil' Strut

Mr. Ace said...

Doesn't Jeter have herpes?

Anonymous said...

G$,

What stories did you hear about Big Ben's sexual escapades at Miami?

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

G$....I can only hope your Big Ben stories mirror the Lydell Ross stories that we have from when he was in school at OSU.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Why not just get a hooker? She couldnt be any worse looking, alot cheaper than a trial, and she would keep her mouth shut.

Hoffman

GMoney said...

Exactly, hookers don't require you to hire RAY LEWIS'S GODDAMN LAWYER!!!

LS, you just hear...things. I don't know specifics, just a lot of, well, things.

Anonymous said...

Hoffman....You would definitely want that hooker's mouth open for at least a little bit.

--Drew

Tony B. said...

Sorry about your grandma, G$.

You're analysis is spot on. Big Ben is a moron for getting into a similar situation. It probably doesn't even matter if he's truly innocent, his behavioral patterns need to change quickly.

rstiles said...

My sympathy...

Jeff said...

I completely agree even if they are false accusations. Ben does not need to be hanging around 20-22 colleges girls at this point in his life. He really must be the real life "simple jack" if he can't pull any ass with 2 super bowl rings and 9 figure salary.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy where are your stupid ass arguements to this conversation you had the other day?

Seal

Sorry about your loss G$.

Jeff said...

Btw I said that shit and I'm a steelers fan too. This shit needs to stop, god forbid we have to call upon the therapist duties of Tony Dungy....Fuck that.



RIP g-ma G$

Tony B. said...

@Jeff, you probably should steer clear of using the word "TheRapist" when dealing with this subject. Big Ben might think Dungy is helping him on a completely different level.

Anonymous said...
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Ben Roethlisberger said...
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Anonymous said...

wow