Thursday, March 11, 2010

Horse Balls Was Right

I was living in Cleveland at the time that I turned 24. Over the weekend of my birthday, the Redskins were in town to face the Browns. Both teams sucked at the time as you might expect when Jeff Garcia and Mark Brunell are playing prominent roles on each team. But the future wife got us tickets to the game anyway. I was well aware of what would happen to me if I showed my true colors so I wore non-descript, unbiased clothes to the game. I kept myself in check during one of the few good plays that the Skins made. I was one of the fortunate ones. A few rows ahead of me sat four rather large black men. They were draped in burgundy and gold. They were harrassed (uncreatively, I should add) constantly.

At some point in the third quarter, the Browns fans behind me began throwing shit at these guys. All of a sudden, the foursome stood up, walked up the aisle, and the guy in the Fred Smoot jersey just started beating the shit out of the Browns backer who was launching peanuts at him during the previous series. It was surreal. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. First of all, the Skins fans were the only people ejected and, secondly, no one sitting in my section could understand why "Smoot" freaked out and started beating ass. I guess their belief is that if you come into their stadium and support the opponent, you deserve everything that comes your way. Do you think that this happens at Lambeau Field? Of course not because Packers fans know what class is. By the way, I will never go to Cleveland Browns Stadium again.

That being said, every single word that Derek "Horse Balls" Anderson said about Browns fans is true. They are assholes. They don't deserve shit. They behave like fucking criminals. I'm not saying that all of them are like this, but I would say a vast majority of them are. And before you people start trying to tell me that this happens everywhere, no it does not. Outside of Philly, Dallas, Oakland, and Jets games, these acts of douchebaggery aren't common. Hell, when I was in Cincy last year, no one said a fucking word to me and I was drunk as shit. No one threw things at me or tried to dump beer on my head. They were there to watch a game and not to start a brawl with the opposing team's fans.

When I have to use Cincinnati residents as an example for how you should behave, that is pathetic.

So let's take a look at ol' Horse Balls' quotes that he never should have recanted anyway. STAND BY YOUR SCORN, DA!!!

"The fans are ruthless and don't deserve a winner," Anderson said in the e-mail Tuesday. "I will never forget getting cheered when I was injured.

You have to admit, that is fucking weak of the fans. I'm sure that a good chunk of those cheering were directing it toward Brady Quinn. And that is a lie, of course. In hindsight, how funny is that? Quinn is even worse. But I'm not fooled. These people did the same thing when Tim Couch got hurt back in the day. Seriously, who cheers when one of their own goes down? That's bullshit. It's not like Horse Balls was TRYING to be awful. It's not his fault that your shitty franchise overpaid the shit out of him. Well said, DA, if the fans are going to act like cavemen, they don't deserve to win. Fortunately, they won't have to worry about it since the "savior" is pissing away picks for Seneca Wallace.

"I know at times I wasn't great. I hope and pray I'm playing when my team comes to town and [we] roll them."

Well, at least we know that DA is self-aware. That 45% completion percentage didn't make him stupid and awful...just awful. And I hope he gets the chance to come back to Cleveland someday and stick it up their asses. Because someone needed to say it. I'm surprised that it wasn't Braylon or Winslow though. Browns fans are fucking neanderthals. You would think that all those years of abject failure would lessen their sense of self-worth, but you would be very wrong.

Personally, I think it would be hilarious if DA's revenge went like this: he waits around until after a Browns game. Then he follows a car full of Browns fans where the driver should definitely not be behind the wheel. He waits for said car to swerve off the road and smoke a telephone pole going 55 mph. He gets out of his car in an apparent effort to help. But he stops before reaching the carnage and just starts slow-clapping. And then he does that obnoxious whistling thing that people do. The mangled remains of douchebag Browns fans are hanging out of all the windows and here DA is to cheer them on. How sweet would that be? Talk about a sweet comeuppance. And if you think that Horse Balls sucked, just wait until you sign Jake Delhomme.

In short, Browns fans are assholes. You just don't hear much about them because their team is terrible. Derek Anderson was 100% correct in his assessment. Brady Quinn is still a fag. That about sums things up. Damn, I've been going off on a lot of tangents recently.


Anonymous said...

First off, your definition of "pissing away picks" is awfully loose. A 7th round pick NEXT year is not what I would call pissing away picks. You're reaching there.

Browns fans have had to put up with more awful play and have been kicked in the balls by their team more times than any other fan base in the history of sports, so an arrogant Redskins fan is the last person I want preaching to me.

Are Browns fans a little over the top sometimes, probably. But a whiny bitch like DA is has no clue. I can't wait till he comes back with another team and "rolls us." What a joke.


Anonymous said...

*Derek Anderson is a pussy and a loser.

*You are a pussy for going to a game and not wearing your team's colors.

*That Smoot jersey wearing Redskins fan is a fucking bad ass. I definitely would have just taken the peanut throwing abuse and not done anything, except maybe call the peanut thrower a faggot.


GMoney said...

Seneca Wallace isn't worth a 15th round pick. I thought it was a sixth though.

There is a difference between being passionate and being a fucktard.

That the Browns have always choked is no excuse to cheer for a guy who just got hurt. Eagles fans do that because they don't know any better.

One more time, it's not like DA sucked on purpose. The franchise kept putting him out there!

Anonymous said...

Are you saying that wearing team's colors to road games to be passionate but willing to take abuse makes someone a fucktard?


Grumpy said...

Drew would have taken it? Now we know he's a pussy. Except for the reference to Cincinnati residents, your post is brilliant. I've been to Paul Brown in Steeler gear every year since 2004 and never have I had a word said to me. But then, my wife looks like a badass you wouldn't want to mess with.

Anonymous said...

While we are on the topic of pussy's, Grumpy where were you yesterday when everyone was shitting on your boyfriend Ben? Thought you said he didnt do anything wrong since the situation was only "alleged".

It was a great move for DA too huh G$? When his agent calls him to tell him to get his fucking foot out of his mouth an hour after this was released so he can apologize like a little bitch. Teams must just be lining up to sign a guy with a 45% completion percentage and shits on their fans. Thatll really help him get back to Cleveland to "roll" us.

Youre right though, a fan base that sells out almost every home game even in a losing season is terrible.


Anonymous said...

Damn straight I would have taken it. I'm a white dude with basically no muscles or fighting skills. If I was a large black man then I would beat some ass though.

G$...I think that picture is the funniest picture you have ever posted. I'm not sure what makes me laugh the most...his haircut...his gold watch...or the fact that he's rocking a wedding band. He's kind of how I envision Grumpy looking.


Mr. Ace said...

First of all, G$ you are a cunt for not wearing skins gear. Take a fucking shank u pussy.

Second, all fans that act like that are just Philly wannabe's. Leave it to the professionals when it comes to heckling and abusing.

I applaud DA for saying what he did because he is right. Cleveland fans deserve nothing more than a cock in the ass.

I can't wait for seneca and delhomme to burn down that city.

GMoney said...

Drew, I think the "DAWG POUND" on his jacket is the saddest part of the pic.

Seal, you are overreacting. I don't care about attendance figures.

Assholes, I went to watch two shitty teams play football with my future wife. I didn't go there to get jumped by ten guys and then sodomized.

Tony B. said...

I don't go to Oakland Raider games out here because the fans are just awful. They once beat up a cripple wearing a Brett Favre jersey during that Monday Night game where Favre threw 4 TDs.

Anonymous said...

G$- when did you turn into such a vag? At least we boo DA when he sucks ass. Why don't you go join your Yankees fans and boo Arod every time he doesn't hit a HR?

Ace- you never wear Michigan stuff in Columbus so shut your ass.


GMoney said...

Dut, are you drunk already? Nothing about that comment made any sense and does not relate at all to my post.

Good luck trying to get into Pierre Garcon's pants this weekend.

J Beanie said...

Hell yeah us Cleveland Browns fans are assholes. Why the hell should we show any respect to any other teams' fans? I've seen little girls get booed and yelled at while tailgating and it's awesome. I have no problem with being known as complete asshole fans. We embrace it.

And Seal and I will be at the MAC tourny tonight getting piss drunk from a suite. Now if you want to see real assholes, look for us there.

GMoney said...

They sell suites to the MAC tourney? Amazing. Congrats in advance on seeing Charlie Coles work his magic.