Monday, March 01, 2010

Get A Cell Ready For This Guy

Saturday, before going to Berger's 30th birthday party and to laugh my ass off at Jim Gaffigan, I had to go with She$ to a wedding for one of her friends. It was dry. Have you ever been to a dry wedding? It is even worse than you could possible imagine. What made it worse is that I knew NO ONE there. Had alcohol been readily available, I could have at least engaged in some sort of conversation. But 99% of the fucks there were Churchy LaRue's which means that they gave up on having fun years ago. Hell, the best man's speech featured a lovely scripture passage. This was, without question, the worst wedding I have ever been to. That being said, before I had to leave for this personal Hell in which I spent more time playing BrickBreaker on my phone than talking to people, I got some college hoops in. And like I said last week, Mondays are now made for ball.

Now, I like watching Kentucky. They are young, dumb, and full of cum. Whenever they go on the road, they get the home team's best shot. But there is one thing that I can't quite shake. DeMarcus Cousins is a fucking psychopath. Holy shit, this kid is nuttier than squirrel turds. He reminds me a lot of Zach Randolph and that most definitely is not a compliment. Does anyone in basketball handle themselves worse in a hostile environment than Cousins? So what, some kids from another school found out what your phone number is and kept calling you. There are better ways to deal with that then to start near riots. This is now three road games in a row in which Cousins has pandered to the crowd almost asking to get batteries thrown at his melon. This fucking moron needs to grow up fast. If he doesn't, I would bet my house on him eventually ending up in jail. People aren't going to stop harrassing him until he stops overreacting to it. And that's part of the reason why I will always watch the Wildcats. When the day comes that Cousins charges into a student section throwing 'bows on little white kids, I want to see that. Ron Artest ain't got nothing on this crazy asshole. But since it's painfully obvious that this asshole is going to the NBA in a month, his behavior is definitely costing him draft spots and millions of dollars. What team would take this guy without having to put a security detail and a team of lawyers on retainer?

*Kentucky is still really good - Sure, they have been playing teams tight recently, but they are still loaded. Their only true weakness is three point shooting. Like I said, they get everyone's best shot now, they will be ready for March Madness. Same thing with Kansas. It isn't easy winning on the road in any conference...slip ups are bound to happen.

*Purdue is fucked - Now that Robbie Hummel is done for the year, the Boilers season is now officially over. I truly felt that they had a Final Four run in them but now that is done. And that sucks. That is a likeable team who built their roster up the right way by developing good players into great players. They aren't the sort of program that has any shot at attracting the one-and-done's. If they make it to the second weekend, it will be a miracle.

*Michigan sucks - This is pretty much the exact same team that won a game in the Dance last year (if beating Clemson counts as a doesn't) and now they can barely score 50 points. What the fuck happened? I mean, I've always known that Manny Harris sucked balls, but I didn't think that Michigan would be this bad. I'm fairly certain that they blow because of Zack Novak. He is probably the worst player in basketball history. Please, Mr. Ace, explain to us why this team is a basketball abortion.

*Have you seen the rankings? Who are these fucking teams? - What a fucked up year. Kansas State, run by their low-level Mafia henchman coach, is ranked sixth. New fucking Mexico is tenth. New Mexico! New Mexico is one of the ten best teams in the country with Steve Alford? BYU? Richmond? Baylor? Temple? Northern Iowa? What an odd season. The power conferences should be embarrassed.

In closing, if I had to bet on a team winning it all, I would probably pick Syracuse right now. They don't really have any weaknesses. They have good leadership, a solid coach, good big men, and they don't waste energy as they play their pussy zone defense. Conference tourney action starts up this time of the year.


Anonymous said...

DeMarcus Cousins is indeed fucking crazy. I was reading on Draft Express or something like that a week ago, that he's on some serious mental medication. Like if he doesn't take it...then nobody knows what types of things he could do. I can't wait to see which NBA team drafts him...cuz' that's one crazy team. They might as well just put a cop on their payroll whose only duty is to never let Cousins out of his site.

I didn't feel bad for Purdue for losing Hummel for the rest of the big ten season, as the Buckeyes had games without ET...but, I do feel bad for them that they don't have him for the NCAA Tourney. I thought they had a final four team as well.

I'm surprised you haven't chimed in on the Evan Turner or John Wall for POY debate yet. You know my vote sticks with ET and I think he's going to win it.


Anonymous said...

Oh...and as for Michigan. Don't worry G$....according to Mr. Ace back in early January, they will be fine and will make the tourney.

Another great hire by the great Bill Martin...setting Michigan football and basketball to shitty levels must have been his goal.


GMoney said...

Drew, the genius behind Domino's Pizza will fix it all!!!

Ever since Tyler Hansbrough won the Naismith Award, it has ceased to be credible.

Anonymous said...

You're right. Look at his current ad campaign for Domino's. It's basically, "Yup...our old pizza sucked balls...try the new one!". He can use that for his new coaches in a couple years.

Just because Hansborough won it one year, doesn't mean it's not credible this year. Wall and ET are by far and away the two best players in college basketball. One of them will win it, which means it will be a credible winner this year.


Anonymous said...

Is this Beileins last year? I would think the coach has to take the heat for being so shitty with the same roster as last year.

How about OSU takin down the big 10 title (assuming they win Tuesday)! I don't think anyone saw this coming after ET went down.

There was no N-A-P-O-L-E-O-N cheer at the stube Saturday. I'm still disappointed.


Anonymous said... won't be his last year, because that brilliant AD Bill Martin gave Belein an extension back in the Fall! So smart.


Tony B. said...

That wedding sounds awful. At least have some "blood of Christ" available for guests to show their commitment to the Lord by dealing with a massive wine hangover the next day.

My friend once described Domino's "new" crust as something that was created when a bunch of executives sat in a room, stared at a pizza, and concentrated positive thoughts about how the pizza would be better. Then they released it to the public.

Anonymous said...

Forgot to mention that I've been to a dry reception before and it was one of the worst experiences of my life, because I didn't know anybody/it was during the height of my alcoholism in college. My college girlfriend of three years guilted me into going to it...fucking shit it was awful. They even put sparkling juice in big bottles on the tables instead of champaign. The following morning I went with her to church too. That was the only time I've been to church for reasons other than a wedding since I was probably six years old. If someone had placed a gun in my hand while I was there, there's over a 50% chance I would have shot myself in the head. Dry Wedding + Sunday Church = Possibly the worst weekend I've had in a decade.


Anonymous said...

Even 'Cats fans will agree with you that Cousins is fucking crazy. But the guy is a pretty damn good inside post presence for a 19 year old. but unfortunalty for him, he wont be there long after he pulls the next artest and feeds someone in the stands their foam finger.

Im a die hard UK fan, went to school there, and will still tell you that I think Turner deserves the POY over Wall. Wall is a bad-ass, dont get me wrong. But the talk and pressure is undoubtedly getting to him a little bit. Look at his shooting percentages over the past few weeks. Not very good. Plus, having guys like Cousins, Patterson and Bledsoe around him definetly helps. Turners supporting cast doesnt come close to Wall's.

Like the Syracuse call. The Big-East is really really good. Wouldnt be surprised to see atleast 2 teams in the final 4 from that conference.


GMoney said...

Don't sleep on Tennessee either. No one in the country has a better resume than they do. Beating UK and Kansas is freaking amazing.

Mr. Ace said...

Beilein was a bad hire? Are you fucking retarded? That should disqualify everything you said.

Also, Domino's pizza guy, aka Dave Brandon, made Domino's the most profitable pizza company in the world with his shit-tastic pizza...that takes fucking talent.

Michigan sucks because they can't shoot 3's and Manny Harris refuses to get to the rack and use his athleticism. It really is that simple.

I will be surprised if Kentucky gets to the final four. Wall hasn't looked nearly as good lately as he did earlier and as you said, Cousins is a nutjob.

Cuse has 0% at the title. I don't think they have the athletes to matchup with elite teams in the tourney.

I will still roll with Kansas.

Who is ready for more Michigan talk tomorrow?

Anonymous said...

G-Money does this NCAA BBall season seem like College Football. No real exciting teams that make you beleive they are the best team because they all have a weakness or two. And a whole bunch of lesser teams in lesser conferences with great records (see TCU, Boise).

Mr. Ace you are an idiot for all they reasons you just said is why Belein was a stupid hire. If you cant make three's then stop shooting them, yet they still throw up about 30 three's a game. Grow some balls and change the offense.


Mr. Ace said...

He's still building a program. That's what he fucking does. You wouldn't tell Boeheim to stop running the 2-3.

GMoney said...

It does seem a tad watered down this year. Not sure why, but there really aren't many stud one-and-done's. I heard Dickie V say that this is the kind of year where you could see another George Mason. I agree and would be all for it.

Anonymous said...

Michigan sucks this year because when Manny Harris finally desides to sack up and take it to the tin, he misses the God damn layup 50% of the time...because he's too big of a pussy to dunk. Also fully agree with G$. Novak is a no-talent dickhole and if I see him shoot one more 3 and miss I may drive to Ann Arbor and super glue his arms to his ribcage. He's fucking useless.