Sunday, February 07, 2010
It's 6 pm on Super Bowl Sunday. I'm fed, I'm sitting in my recliner, and I'm ready to live blog this bitch. We will probably be publishing new thoughts after every possession. Depends how hard this is since I've never done it before. LET'S GET IT ON!!!
6:02 - I am stuffed. I made a fucking kickass pizza that would make your dick quiver. Pepperoni, sausage, sauteed onions, and banana peppers. Amazing. My buffalo chicken dip wasn't bad either.
6:03 - Did the line close at Colts -4.5? Looks like Freeney is playing.
6:04 - HELLO FRIENDS!!! Man, I hate this announcing team. Phil Simms is so white that he makes me look like a cast member from Jersey Shore.
6:06 - I am trying to convince She$ that she made a deal with me that she would not talk during the game. She isn't buying it. My sales pitch was less than stellar though. I need to work on my lying.
6:07 - I can't be the only one who feels sorry for Luke Wilson.
6:09 - Good job by CBS fucking up the Saints intro video. We're off to a great start already...
6:11 - Well, they fucked up the Colts, too. This is ridiculous. DON'T FORGET TO WATCH UNDERCOVER BOSS TONIGHT!!! There is NO WAY that that show sucks!
6:13 - Can I bet on Steve Tasker getting a concussion?
6:17 - London Fletcher got hosed on the Walter Payton Award. Fuck you, Brian Waters.
6:19 - Insert your own "Queen Latifah should be playing in this game" joke. And she just TOTALLY butchered America The Beautiful. Thank you, Queen.
6:21 - Carrie Underwood looks like shit. I don't get her appeal at all. She is terrible. She$: She shouldn't wear white after Labor Day. G$: Especially when you fucked Tony Romo.
6:25 - Update on everyone's predictions from Friday: G$ (Saints 32-31), UU (Colts 34-31), Grumpy (Saints 35-28), Drew (Saints), Mr. Ace (Saints 37-24), Dut (Saints 42-28), Li'l Strut (Colts 34-27), Tony (Saints), Jeff (Colts), Damman (Colts), Hoffman (Saints).
6:26 - Pretty good McDonald's commercial with Bron, Howard, and Larry Bird. I could totally see Bird eating someone else's lunch when they weren't paying attention.
6:28 - I just boo'ed Emmitt Smith...feeling pretty good about myself.
6:30 - My wife is purposely trying to annoy me. Someone better call 911.
6:32 - I kind of like how CBS is introducing the starters. It's no NBC, but it's better than Fox.
6:34 - 3 and out...Meachem was open deep but The Mole is too juiced. Here comes Gomer...
6:36 - She$: Is that, like, Mount Union, Ohio?
6:37 - Dallas Carhartt is going to have a monster game.
6:41 - Saints are hitting pretty hard; force a field goal attempt. The Haitian Kid with a drop.
6:42 - Matt Stover becomes the first 60 year old to score in a Super Bowl. 3-0 Colts.
6:43 - Betty White AND Abe Vigoda! Snickers has already won the night.
6:46 - Jim McMahon and Ditka! The bar has been set high early tonight.
6:48 - Another Phil-osophy already? What did we do to deserve this?
6:49 - REGGIE! One touch, 16 yards. GET HIM THE BALL. Where is Bruce Jenner, dammit!!!
6:50 - Come on. Colston, you fuck! No wonder you went to Hofstra.
6:53 - Russell Crowe as Robin Hood? I'll pass. And how can NCIS be the #1 drama in America yet I don't know one person who watches it?
6:57 - It took him 19 games, but Addai is actually running hard!!! Early MVP candidate.
6:59 - Gregg Williams doesn't have a clue. He better hope they keep forcing three points.
7:01 - TOUCHDOWN!!! Manning to Kid Haiti...10-0 Colts. This is over. I'm calling it already.
7:03 - The Simpsons Coke commercial was strange. Why wasn't the vendor selling khlau kalash? Go Daddy sucks.
7:05 - Scott Green? But I wanted Jerome Boger!!!
7:06 - I am not buying Doritos out of spite. These ads are awful.
7:08 - End of the first quarter...I'm bored already.
7:13 - Awful late hit call on the Colts...WE WANT BOOGER!
7:17 - Freeney with a sack...impressive. Who wants to bet that Hartley misses this field goal?
7:18 - Damn, he drilled it. Colts 10-3
7:20 - Mark Sanchez wants to talk to you about women's heart issues...how sweet. Fuck you, Oprah and Dave, for being in a commercial with that sonofabitch, Leno.
7:21 - 2nd quarter and no Archie Manning sightings yet? Back-to-back "no pants" commercials? I'm down!
7:25 - Kid Haiti with an awful drop and just like that, the Colts have to punt. GEAUX SAINTS!!!
7:31 - Shockey with a catch. I hate that fucking guy.
7:32 - Lance Moore with a big catch. I'm sure Mr. Ace is pumped. He's so bad that the Colts didn't even cover him.
7:33 - End around? REALLY! Worst call of the night.
7:34 - Colston down inside the 5!!! COM'EER GIRL!!!
7:36 - Two minute warning. 3rd and goal from the 1. 4 down territory here, Saints.
7:38 - Papa John annoys me. I want to punch him in the face.
7:40 - MINI KISS!!! Well played, Dr. Pepper.
7:42 - Really? Running the ball with Pierre Thomas on 4th and more than 1. Sean Payton, you suck balls.
7:45 - Mike Hart sighting...of course he doesn't get the first down. Saints getting the ball back, need to get some points before half otherwise the under is looking amazing right now.
7:46 - Jim Nantz at a thong store? JIM NANTZ AT A THONG STORE!
7:50 - Garrett Hartley = MVP! Halftime 10-6 Colts. This has been shitty. I'll be back at the start of the third quarter. I need to go fuck my neighbor's son as a tribute to The Who.
8:15 - Now that was just fucking sad. Roger Daltrey can't even remotely sing anymore. And CBS making them sing the CSI songs was a joke. Whatever, it was better than Nickelback and U2.
8:16 - Why does CBS insist that all of their announcers have to wear a blzaer with a CBS Sports logo on it? Who do they think they are, The Friar's Club?
8:18 - Wiggy, Spieth telling our table stories about him being a father at your wedding was quite a listen. New guy was in the corner puking his guts out.
8:20 - Colts get the ball first...if they score a touchdown, it's over. Sean Payton will probably call for a fake field goal on this kickoff the way he's called this game.
8:21 - Lo and behold, an onside kick from the Saints. SAINTS BALL!!! That took some big fucking nuts right there. Damn. Those are the kind of great coaching decisions that you learn when you roam the sidelines in Oxford, Ohio.
8:23 - Phil Simms just shit his pants.
8:26 - Uh oh, Breesus looks locked in. By the way, before the game when they did the piece on Brees and his wife, my wife started crying. It was pathetic. I want a divorce.
8:28 - TOUCHDOWN!!! Breesus to Pierre on a screen!!! We've got a fucking game now. Saints up 13-10. Beat Indianapobese!!!
8:29 - Megan Fox taking a bubble bath...best commercial ever.
8:30 - Denny's can afford a Super Bowl commercial? Must have got some money from Denny Spieth or Big Ace. Is How I Met Your Mother the worst show on TV or does it just look like the worst show on TV?
8:33 - She$: Addai needs to get hurt.
8:35 - Wow, what a pass from Gomer to Carhartt.
8:38 - TOUCHDOWN Addai and he just won the MVP eventhough the trophy will be given to Gomer. Colts 17-13
8:39 - Wait a minute, a new "movie" with The Griswolds???
8:42 - Just called the wife a dirty slut because she hasn't finished the thank you cards yet. Yeah, I'm a dream husband.
8:46 - By the way, these QB's are just tearing it up. Both are playing extremely well. Remember three years ago, when Rex Grossman was in this game?
8:48 - Does Howard Mudd listen to Puddle of Mudd? Because if he does...
8:50 - Garrett Hartley = MVP...no doubt about it. Colts 17-16
8:50 - Ed Begley Jr.'s commercial is powered by his own sense of self-satisfaction!
8:53 - Bud Select 55 is the worst beer I've ever had. I would rather be fat.
8:56 - What quarter is it? FOUR FOUR FOUR!!! Pretty clean game so far with few penalties and no turnovers. I would say that these teams are equal.
9:01 - Did anyone see Tracy Port's hair earlier? He has SB 44 on his head. What an ass. He should have just picked off Gomer.
9:02 - 4th and 2 from the 46...I'm surprised Caldwell is going for this. FIRST DOWN to Wayne!
9:04 - Malcolm Jenkins sighting! He is actually alive, I guess.
9:06 - New frontrunner for most retarded coaching move of the night: Matt Stover from 51 yards and not even close. Should have punted.
9:08 - Still no Archie or Kardashian sightings? What the fuck, CBS?
9:10 - Every time that Reggie touches the ball, something good happens. Get him the fucking ball.
9:12 - 1st and goal for the Saints! Come on, boys!!!
9:13 - TOUCHDOWN SAINTS!!! Fuck, it was Shockey. Someone that I was talking to last week (Dut maybe?) wanted to bet on him to score a TD. He should have. Going for two...failure because Lance Moore can only catch AIDS. Saints lead 22-17 with 5:42 left
9:16 - I hate the Bud Clydesdales. They all need to go to the glue factory.
9:17 - Why the fuck is Payton challenging this? Lance Moore is awful. Wasting a timeout considering that you KNOW that the Colts are going to go down and get a TD here is not smart. WOW, they gave it to him. Scott Green must own an Iraqi grocery store in Detroit. Saints 24-17 and I'm still confused as to what just happened.
9:20 - A replay of former Redskins greats, Mark Brunell and Chase Daniel, getting all sorts of pumped. I like it. FIGHT FOR 'OL DC!!!
9:21 - I could picture myself choking that ugly punk broad from NCIS.
9:23 - Peyton just did his best Favre impression by launching the ball across the field...too bad it wasn't picked. AWWWWWW, fuck you, Malcolm Jenkins!!! Should have had that and ended this shit!
9:26 - 3rd and 5 for Indy from the 31...this has been a pretty good game actually.
9:29 - PICK SIX!!! TOUCHDOWN TRACY PORTER!!! THE SAINTS ARE GOING TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL!!! ZOMG!!!!!!1!!1!!! Saints 31-17!
9:31 - Nice call, Tony Dungy, on the Colts winning by three touchdowns. You are as shitty a predictor as you are a father.
9:32 - I'm going to write a quick post later on with closing thoughts on this game. Just an fyi. I've put more work in on this site tonight than I have the last three weeks combined.
9:33 - The E-Trade babies should have been aborted. Speaking of which, what happened to the Tebow commercial? Did I miss it?
9:36 - Oooooh, big pass to Collie and this might not be over yet. I mean, it is, but still. Speaking of Collie and his beliefs, I have been watching Big Love with the wife this season. What a terrible fucking show. Nothing ever happens!!! Two minute warning.
9:37 - Why are women stripping for Danica Patrick all over the place tonight?
9:40 - Nice spear by Anthony Hargrove! Goldberg would approve.
9:41 - Offensive pass interference? The Colts are self-destructing tonight. I love it.
9:42 - Simms is a retard. With 1:16 left, he said that the Colts will now have to kick it onside if they scored. NO SHIT, REDNECK!
9:43 - A run? YOU ARE LOSING BY TWO SCORES.
9:44 - INCOMPLETE AND THE SAINTS ARE THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!!! Wow. Just wow.
9:46 - Two knees and New Orleans is the Super Bowl champion. This is awesome. I'll be back later with some final thoughts.