Monday, February 15, 2010
The best part about being a Redskins fan, other than reminding people that we used to be good, is that we are the offseason champions almost EVERY year! I get more excited for free agency than Stan Humphries at his Pro-Retard Golf Event. Obviously, the Skins are under new leadership and are not even close to being a playoff contender, but I am OK with it. I know that this team will be lucky to win 6 games next season regardless of what they do, but it's cool. I have faith in Bruce Allen and Mike Shanahan and Kyle Shanahan and Jim Haslett. I have no faith in Dan Snyder taking a "hands off" approach to running the franchise, but whatever. He is what he is and he is an asshole. I have grown to accept this.
Before I get going with what I would do if I was running the show, let me first state that growing up, Dexter Manley was one of my favorite players. He was kind of a poor man's Lawrence Taylor. He played like a badass crazy man and also had a nice coke habit. Let's not forget that he was also illiterate. I remember reading in Dick Schaap's Bo Jackson bio "Bo Knows Bo", that Dexter once tried to strangle Bo at the bottom of a pile. Awesome. He was clearly fucking insane. This past week, Dexter finally got his Super Bowl ring back after selling it for drug money years ago. Hilarious. Just hilarious.
Back to the current, loser Redskins. This team is a mess. There are between 5-10 guys that should feel that their jobs are safe. Cooley, Fred Davis, Devin Thomas, Haynesworth, Orakpo, Fletcher, Hunter Smith...that's about it. Everyone else is replaceable. On our 53 man roster, 7 of them are foundation pieces. Notice that I didn't mention anyone on the OL or in the secondary. They are all terrible. LaRon Landry is OK but he is worse in coverage than Roy Williams. What to do:
1. Trade - And trade a lot. It's time to start building through the draft. I have a decade of proof that signing free agents or trading draft picks for old guys is an awful practice. There are some tradeable assets on the team, too. No, not for first rounders, but you could get some 2nds and 3rds for some of these guys. Would the Lions or Bears give up a second or early third for Santana Moss? Someone would, I would think. Jason Campbell, regardless of what you think of him, is the best QB on the market this offseason. He is restricted though. Someone (Buffalo) may give a 2 or 3 for him. Maybe. Carlos Rogers is worth a 2 as long as the team trading for him doesn't know that his hands are made out of stone.
2. Cut the dead weight - Antwaan Randle-El should have been cut two years ago. He is terrible. I would suggest trading him but no one in the league would want this guy. He contributes nothing. Same with Fred Smoot. He is terrible and needs to go. Stephon Heyer is by far the worst right tackle in NFL history. Ladell Betts, when he isn't hurt, blows. Do we still have James Thrash? It seems like someone who will be on the team for the next decade. Cut him even if he isn't still around. Reed Doughty plays hard but can't cover anyone. Phillip Daniels is probably the slowest DE in football.
3. Trade Clinton Portis - I used to love him, but I had to kill him...or whatever that GNR lyric is. I used to be the biggest Portis fan. I own his jersey and wear it with pride. Mr. Ace was supposed to wear it but he is a backstabbing bitch pussy. Portis, over the past 18 months, has refused to practice, was ineffective, called for his fullback to benched publicly, criticized the coaching staff, ran his mouth about Campbell not being a leader eventhough he was getting killed everytime he dropped back, and has gotten into verbal pissing matches with local media personalities like Lavar Arrington, Brian Mitchell, and John Riggins. I'm done with him. He has to go. He is a prima donna and rebuilding teams don't need guys like that. The Patriots have 6 of the first 90 picks or something like that. They have no running game at all. Would you give up two of those 6 for Portis? I think that that would make a lot of sense. And plus, the Skins would get rid of a cancer. I'm not worried about replacing him. Shanahan has a knack for bringing in nobodies and making them studs.
4. Build the O-Line - Sounds simple, right? The Redskins started 8 different players at right guard last year and their best O-lineman was a guy that they signed in week 10 who was cut by the Bengals the year before (Levi Jones). There is no one on this unit who still deserves to be a starter in the NFL. For as great as Peyton and Brees are, if they played behind Jason Campbell's line, they would have been terrible, too. If the Skins don't draft at least 4 offensive lineman, I will be pissed. Now that I mention this...
5. Don't draft a QB at #4 - Please don't do this. Not that you should look at what Phil Savage did, but he passed on an overrated QB from Notre Dame to take a stud left tackle and it worked out just fine. There are just so many fucking holes on this team. I'm afraid that if they take Bradford at 4, he's going to get destroyed. Why take a franchise QB if you can't protect him? That makes no sense to me. Now, the mocks that I'm seeing lately are cooling off on the Skins taking a QB so high which makes me happy. Do you know the last time that the Skins took an o-lineman in the first round? Ten years ago with Chris Samuels. That's a full Goddamn decade of ignoring the most important unit on a football team. Just awful. If for some reason Eric Berry is sitting there, TAKE HIM. Although it sounds like the Skins will be going after Donte Whitner in free agency. He played for anOSU AND the Bills so you know he's good!
Like I said, I've already accepted a terrible 2010 season. It is inevitable. Just please do not draft Jimmy Clausen. There is no possible way that I could ever root for that gay ostrich. If you do not take that pussy, I promise to donate money to Stan Humphries' Retards. After all, he was proud of being Bubby Brister's backup.