Monday, February 15, 2010

Our Time To Shine

The best part about being a Redskins fan, other than reminding people that we used to be good, is that we are the offseason champions almost EVERY year! I get more excited for free agency than Stan Humphries at his Pro-Retard Golf Event. Obviously, the Skins are under new leadership and are not even close to being a playoff contender, but I am OK with it. I know that this team will be lucky to win 6 games next season regardless of what they do, but it's cool. I have faith in Bruce Allen and Mike Shanahan and Kyle Shanahan and Jim Haslett. I have no faith in Dan Snyder taking a "hands off" approach to running the franchise, but whatever. He is what he is and he is an asshole. I have grown to accept this.

Before I get going with what I would do if I was running the show, let me first state that growing up, Dexter Manley was one of my favorite players. He was kind of a poor man's Lawrence Taylor. He played like a badass crazy man and also had a nice coke habit. Let's not forget that he was also illiterate. I remember reading in Dick Schaap's Bo Jackson bio "Bo Knows Bo", that Dexter once tried to strangle Bo at the bottom of a pile. Awesome. He was clearly fucking insane. This past week, Dexter finally got his Super Bowl ring back after selling it for drug money years ago. Hilarious. Just hilarious.

Back to the current, loser Redskins. This team is a mess. There are between 5-10 guys that should feel that their jobs are safe. Cooley, Fred Davis, Devin Thomas, Haynesworth, Orakpo, Fletcher, Hunter Smith...that's about it. Everyone else is replaceable. On our 53 man roster, 7 of them are foundation pieces. Notice that I didn't mention anyone on the OL or in the secondary. They are all terrible. LaRon Landry is OK but he is worse in coverage than Roy Williams. What to do:

1. Trade - And trade a lot. It's time to start building through the draft. I have a decade of proof that signing free agents or trading draft picks for old guys is an awful practice. There are some tradeable assets on the team, too. No, not for first rounders, but you could get some 2nds and 3rds for some of these guys. Would the Lions or Bears give up a second or early third for Santana Moss? Someone would, I would think. Jason Campbell, regardless of what you think of him, is the best QB on the market this offseason. He is restricted though. Someone (Buffalo) may give a 2 or 3 for him. Maybe. Carlos Rogers is worth a 2 as long as the team trading for him doesn't know that his hands are made out of stone.

2. Cut the dead weight - Antwaan Randle-El should have been cut two years ago. He is terrible. I would suggest trading him but no one in the league would want this guy. He contributes nothing. Same with Fred Smoot. He is terrible and needs to go. Stephon Heyer is by far the worst right tackle in NFL history. Ladell Betts, when he isn't hurt, blows. Do we still have James Thrash? It seems like someone who will be on the team for the next decade. Cut him even if he isn't still around. Reed Doughty plays hard but can't cover anyone. Phillip Daniels is probably the slowest DE in football.

3. Trade Clinton Portis - I used to love him, but I had to kill him...or whatever that GNR lyric is. I used to be the biggest Portis fan. I own his jersey and wear it with pride. Mr. Ace was supposed to wear it but he is a backstabbing bitch pussy. Portis, over the past 18 months, has refused to practice, was ineffective, called for his fullback to benched publicly, criticized the coaching staff, ran his mouth about Campbell not being a leader eventhough he was getting killed everytime he dropped back, and has gotten into verbal pissing matches with local media personalities like Lavar Arrington, Brian Mitchell, and John Riggins. I'm done with him. He has to go. He is a prima donna and rebuilding teams don't need guys like that. The Patriots have 6 of the first 90 picks or something like that. They have no running game at all. Would you give up two of those 6 for Portis? I think that that would make a lot of sense. And plus, the Skins would get rid of a cancer. I'm not worried about replacing him. Shanahan has a knack for bringing in nobodies and making them studs.

4. Build the O-Line - Sounds simple, right? The Redskins started 8 different players at right guard last year and their best O-lineman was a guy that they signed in week 10 who was cut by the Bengals the year before (Levi Jones). There is no one on this unit who still deserves to be a starter in the NFL. For as great as Peyton and Brees are, if they played behind Jason Campbell's line, they would have been terrible, too. If the Skins don't draft at least 4 offensive lineman, I will be pissed. Now that I mention this...

5. Don't draft a QB at #4 - Please don't do this. Not that you should look at what Phil Savage did, but he passed on an overrated QB from Notre Dame to take a stud left tackle and it worked out just fine. There are just so many fucking holes on this team. I'm afraid that if they take Bradford at 4, he's going to get destroyed. Why take a franchise QB if you can't protect him? That makes no sense to me. Now, the mocks that I'm seeing lately are cooling off on the Skins taking a QB so high which makes me happy. Do you know the last time that the Skins took an o-lineman in the first round? Ten years ago with Chris Samuels. That's a full Goddamn decade of ignoring the most important unit on a football team. Just awful. If for some reason Eric Berry is sitting there, TAKE HIM. Although it sounds like the Skins will be going after Donte Whitner in free agency. He played for anOSU AND the Bills so you know he's good!

Like I said, I've already accepted a terrible 2010 season. It is inevitable. Just please do not draft Jimmy Clausen. There is no possible way that I could ever root for that gay ostrich. If you do not take that pussy, I promise to donate money to Stan Humphries' Retards. After all, he was proud of being Bubby Brister's backup.


Mr. Ace said...

1. What fucking world do you live in where Carlos Rogers, Jason Campbell, or Santana Moss are worth a 2nd round pick? The Eagles might get a 2 for McNabb. Even if you combined all those players in a trade you wouldn't get more than a 2 and a 5.

2. I remember last year when you were talking about how much strong veteran leadership the Redskins have...that's just hilarious.

3. Nobody wants Clinton Portis. Maybe if you guys were smart and dumped him last offseason, but not now. I would rather have Mike Vick as my running back.

4. Agreed.

5. Please let it be Jimmy Clausen. Shanahan has said he wants to groom a young QB. I pray you get a QB.

Grumpy said...

When they draft Jimmy Clausen, I'm driving to C-Bus and taking a dump on your front porch.

GMoney said...

1. The Eagles would get a 1 for McNabb. A late one, but still a one. Minny would give up their late 20's pick for him, fool. I'm talking about trading our players to teams like the Bills and Lions...they would give me a 4th rounder for this site.

2. London Fletcher is a damn good leader.

3. I think Portis can still play. He would probably be the best RB on the market as I would rather have him than LT or Westbrook (if he is cut).

5. I hate you both for wishing Jimmy C on me.

Mr. Ace said...

I'll give you London Fletcher...but that's all.

GMoney said...

I'm still trying to figure out that leadership thing that you brought up. Randle El may have been a great locker room guy, but he is terrible. How he conducts himself off the field is not my concern. The fact that he averaged negative yards on punt returns is.

Haynesworth stomped on Andre Gurode's neck. If that doesn't say leader, I don't know what does.

Maybe a 2 is setting my sights a little too high. But Rogers, Campbell, and Moss are all worth 3rds. All of them.

Tony B. said...

Why don't you sign with the Skins to help protect Jimmy Claassen next year? Hell, you could kick the field goals too, G$.

GMoney said...

Thank you, Tony. FINALLY, someone contributing in the comments that has a fucking clue.

Anonymous said...

I hate to say this, but I agree with Ace. I don't think you'd get a 5th for Moss, or a left testicle for Portis. Both these dudes are washed up!

I wish the Browns could trade in their 4 meaningless wins to end the season. Eric Berry would be ours. I got a feeling Clausen is going to slip and get taken by the Browns. We will then have the last 2 ND QB's. What a joke.

PS- is that a joke what I saw on Lil Strut's FB?! How much did he have to pay to be "in a relationship" with a BG cheerleader?


Mr. Ace said...

There were some rumors going around about Lil Strut's sexuality. I think that was just a political ploy to get the gays off his back for awhile.

Holy balls do the fucking roads suck right now in Columbus. Good thing I don't work so I can sit on the couch in my underwear all day.

GMoney said...

I just read that Darrell Green celebrated his 50th birthday this running a 4.43 40. Holy shit. He would still be our best cover corner.

Anonymous said...


It is true, and she is hot as fuck.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

LS, how big is her dick? Enough to satisfy you?

Anonymous said...

Bigger than Dut's, I will tell you that.

-Lil' Strut