Thursday, February 04, 2010

More Proof That Cowherd Knows Nothing

(What has two thumbs and is guaranteed to swing and miss at this pitch? THIS GUY!)

You know, for as much bitching as I do about Colin Cowherd, I still end up listening to 15-20 minutes of his show every day during my lunch break. I really don't understand why. It's like those guys who beat off while hanging themselves. Sure, it could kill them, but it feels sooooo good. Did that make sense? Probably not. Anyway, I hate him and every time that he makes a few decent arguments, he ends up ruining them with a truly retarded statement or six. Take yesterday for example. He actually said that Marcus Allen was the most talented player in NFL history. I have never, ever, ever heard anyone make a claim so outrageous. If he was so great, then why was there only one play for him in Tecmo Bowl? Huh? Huh? ANSWER ME!

But last week, he went on a tangent so stupid that I actually cut my lunch hour short and went back up to my office early. Now, I know that I've covered the "LeBron free agency" story to death here and you all know my position. I understand that you are probably getting sick of reading about it (and I don't blame you). Set all of your hate toward me aside for a minute and focus on just how little this Pete Carroll Fluffer knows about sports.

After the Cavs dispatched with the Lakers again, the next day he began ranting about potential landing spots for Our King. While Bill Simmons believes that LeBron ends up in either a Bulls or Clippers uniform (likelihood of that being 5%), Cowherd took it to a whole new level. You see, Colin believes that every athlete thinks like him. And because of that, every one of them wants to play in either good weather or a state with little to no taxes. This, of course, is stupid considering how many great athletes sign with the Yankees and Red Sox.

Cowherd believes that LeBron James will be lacing it up in either Orlando or for the Lakers next season.

In theory, both of these scenarios would be amazing for basketball. Pairing Bron with Kobe or Bron with Howard would make for one hell of a dynasty. But in reality, this is more retarded than Simple Jack. Colin went on for three segments of his show about how this makes sense. It took me 3 minutes to find proof that this would never happen in a million years. Let me explain why in a few easy to follow steps:

1. LeBron is going to want at least 20 mill per year. For the sake of the argument, let's say just 20.
2. The NBA salary cap next year will be between 50 and 54 million.
3. Once you break through into the luxury tax (somewhere around 65-70 million), teams must pay $2 for every $1 that they spend. I said this two weeks ago, but there are only about 5 teams that can afford LeBron.
4. Orlando's 2010-11 team already has 78 million committed.
5. LA already has 76 million committed (assuming that they do not pick up White Trash Morrison's option). They are both firmly in the luxury tax zone.
6. If either of these teams signed LeBron, it would cost them 40+ million per season.
7. 40 fucking million for one player.
8. No athlete is worth that much. Even one as great as LeBron.
9. Colin Cowherd is a fucking moron.
10. Beano, what did you have for lunch today?

Does this man even do research for his own show? How is he popular again? I expect this type of tardery from a moron like Erik Kuselias, not the #2 radio man for ESPN. This is the sort of shit that happens when he stops brown-nosing football players and writers for five minutes. I needed to get that off my chest. If you have a favorite "Cowherd knows nothing" story, please, by all means, share it with the group.
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A quick couple of bullet points on the Cavs:
*Dude, Shaq is starting to look really fucking good.
*The Cavs have been running out lineups of Shaq, Z, Bron, Moon, and Hot Wad Williams recently. All of those guys are 6'9" or taller. Biggest lineup ever?
*Mike Brown gets very little credit, but he has done a really good job this season. There, I admitted it.
*If the Cavs trade for Troy Murphy, I will set The Q on fire.
*Even without Mo and Delonte, the Cavs are still the best team in the league.
*Can't wait for the game tonight where Wheelchair Wade will have calls made in his favor during timeouts, at halftime, and even after the game is over. I hate him as much as I hate Cowherd.
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Like you weren't going to anyway, but make sure you check back tomorrow for the Super Bowl prediction post. I've got my own predicting system that has been fairly accurate in year's past. And as a bonus, MASSIVE SITE NEWS REGARDING THE SUPER BOWL!!! Great tease. Lofty tease.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

If they trade for Troy, please let me know in advance of when you plan to set that place on fire. I'd like to tailgate in the parking lot in anticipation.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Dan Patrick's radio show is on Directv from 1-3 every day. When I traveled in my job I used to listen to Cowherd on Sirius, until I realized he was an idiot.

GMoney said...

Drew, you could throw Rodney Stuckey's career on the fire too since that will never amount to anything.

Grump, I miss Dan. I wish he was still on here.

Anonymous said...

You're right...man Stuckey sucks...PG averaging 18, 4 and 5. Maybe you shouldn't start a fire, because you aren't smart enough to play with matches.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Should be bring up the topic that Michigan brought in a better recruiting class than OSU?

- J Saul

Mr. Ace said...

Cowherd is on National Radio, of course he is a moron. That's basically what he gets paid to do. I don't think anybody listens to him for his great insight... except you.

Anonymous said...

G$--I was driving yesterday, when he was giving the knob job to Marcus Allen, and Marcus Hayes, and when he made that comment, about Allen being the greatest athlete in NFL history, I literally laughed out loud, and said, "man, if Sack/G$ is listening to this, he is going to freakin' flip out"......and then you blogged about it.....classic.


However--I do like his take on Tebow being a pro QB, and using the 2 pro defenses he faced this year as an example, on why he won't be good in the NFL

--LWM

Anonymous said...

Collin has some awful arguments, but he is entertaining. Especially when he rips on obese people everyday.

Jsaul- are you trying to hijack the comment board with that? Ohio state knew in advance that they were going to have a small class. They didn't over sign with players who only had Eastern Michigan offers like Michigan did. Of course UM's class is "ranked" higher because they signed 9 more players. With all that being said, ohio States class is pretty disappointing for OSU standards. May the Forcier be with you.

Dut

GMoney said...

Just because he looks like 50 Cent, doesn't mean he's good. Anyone can put up numbers on shitty teams (see: Randolph, Zach before this season). He isn't a point guard. He isn't a good shooter. And he will be a career loser.

Tony B. said...

We do get Cowherd in Sacramento, but he's on during my drive into work and I can usually find something better on the other stations. Dan Patrick is on during lunchtime (and the local guys are good as well) and Brian Kenny is on for the commute home (the locals guys during that time are awesome.) So much better than listening to a douche like Cowherd.

Cowherd's fascination with LA and Miami is so annoying.

Mr. Ace said...

Dut, your class wasn't even TOP 25!!! Yes, your class is small, but so is UGA's and Cal's and they still managed to position themselves quite well. I just love looking at Rivals rankings and having to go to the second page to find the Fuckeyes.

Stuckey doesn't suck...but when you move Chauncey to make a place for the kid he better be fucking awesome. He is not fucking awesome.

Anonymous said...

Ace and Saul.....please don't tell me you guys are that stupid. I take these stars with a big gran of salt, but they are fairly accurate.

The most "accurate" way to look at those rankings for teams is average star. Michigan's average star ranking is 3.19...that's fucking pathetic. Ohio State's is 3.39, which puts them with the 14th ranked class on average player. If we wanted to take on seven MAC shit head three stars, then we would have passed Michigan in these rankings. That's why it's a fucking ridiculous thing to even try to brag about. Not to m ention that if Latwan Anderson ends up coming on board we would be around the tenth highest ranked class in average star rankings.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

First of all you queers need to quit talking about recruiting. you had your day yesterday and that is far more than it deserves. You do not have any idea how these things turn out for 3 or 4 years. Hell UVa had a top 3 class a few years ago. Where in the hell did that get them.

I like Colin's show as it is far better than the two awful shows that surrounds them. As they both think it is a great day that they can ask tough questions to the commissioners of the various leagues. I think Greeny ejaculated to having the WNBA's commish on.

His rants about no state taxes are getting old. I still enjoy how he keeps it a little on the lighter side and not so much on breaking down games and so on.

I am glad they got rid of Tirico with Van Pelt. He was terrible.

Hoffman

Mr. Ace said...

I believe when you say "the most accurate way to look at those rankings for teams is average star", you mean to say the most convenient way for a Fuckeye whose class isn't in the Top 25.

Okay, I'm done.

Anonymous said...

I was being pretty sarcastic in my post. Sorry for any confusion. I'd like to see the numbers on how many 'top 3 recruting classes' 3-4 years later resulted in a national title. Most of these big time recruits never amount to shit. I only look at what type of recruit they were when they make the starting line up. Personally I think these guys dicks get sucked waaaay too much already, but I guess we only have ourselves to blame. Show of hands, who has some subscribtion to a recruting site that they paid for? Not me.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

I enjoy Cowherd not so much for his sports opinions, but how he applies social commentary to sports. Part of that however, is because he comes across conservative on a lot of fiscal points. Not to mention, he holds players accountable for being dumbasses.

-Lil' Strut

P.S. Michigan fans, it does not matter if you got a better class this year, because this class will be flanked by 2 top five classes prior to it and another top 10 behind it as Ohio is predicted to be loaded next year. In conclusion, you are all dumbasses, and if this small victory gives you pride, then so be it. Not to mention, look at Michigan's 2004 team that got destroyed by a less talented Ohio State team. Tressel owns Michigan, get used to it.

Anonymous said...

JSaul....I have two subscriptions and it's not something I'm proud of.

Ace..I think you are finding "the most convenient way to find a positive in having a full class and the majority of it being low ranked recruits".

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Goddamnit Lil Strut. You had something good going there and then you had to ruin it. You brag about how awesome your recruiting classes are going to be the next couple years, and the past year, but then you refer to a "less talented team" destroying Michigan. Way to play both sides of the fence.

That great Toledo education is obviously not working as well for you as it has for me.

Anonymous said...

Ace, obviously you did not read the last sentence of my post, in which I said "Tressel owns Michigan, get used to it." My argument was that we have the most overall talent, regardless of just one class, but even if we didnt, we would still win because "TRESSEL OWNS MICHIGAN." Your Toledo education is much worse than mine, obviously. Don't ever question my logic and reasoning again or I will make an example out of you.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Lay off Ace, Lil strut. Mr Ace can't read good.

Anonymous said...

Cowherd comments all the time about how the head coach of the chargers is the best job in sports because of the climate. This is a retarded argument unless you think having a shitty fan base and a team full of underachievers is great. In all reality its nice to be in san diego, but wouldn't you rather coach the steelers and live in san diego in the offseason if you wanted. Players and coaches alike make enough money to live where ever they want out of season. What it really comes down to is the money because during the season a player doesn't really care where they're at because they are always traveling or playing games.

Jeff

GMoney said...

I go to lunch for an hour and everything goes to shit in the comments.

STOP TALKING ABOUT 18 YEAR OLD KIDS.

Jeff, I do remember those rants about the Chargers being the best gig in sports. Does he not realize that living in SD means dealing with millions of Mexicans!!!

Jeff said...

If he based his opinion of the chargers job on the close proximity of the Tijuana donkey shows then I understand, but he has never said anything of the sort