Friday, February 26, 2010

In Favor Of A Franchise Queer...Sort Of

How pumped is everyone for the NFL Combine this weekend!!! No one? Whatever. I would rather listen to my wife tell me work stories (and I REALLY dislike those) than watch this shit, but since this is the future of the NFL, it is kind of important. I can't believe I am actually going to write these next paragraphs. I really can't. I would say, "before judging me harshly, hear me out", but I deserve every bit of scorn that I will surely receive from this post.

I would not be upset if the Redskins drafted Jimmy Clausen.

Uh, you know what, that didn't sound nearly as bad in my head as it looks now that it is typed out. But I stand by it anyway. Now, as I mentioned last week, the Redskins really fucking need to overhaul the offensive line and drafting a stud left tackle in the top five is almost always a great idea. (In case you were wondering, currently the Redskins longest tenured starting offensive lineman is Derrick Dockery at ONE year. What a fucking terrible organization.) The counter-argument here is that very few teams have long term success without a franchise QB. There appear to be only two available this year in the draft.

Adam Schefter's symmetrical head is GUARANTEEING that the Rams are taking Sam Bradford at #1. That's a bit of a surprise while at the same time, it isn't at all. You can't just keep ignoring that unless something changes, the corpse of Marc Bulger is your starter. What I will argue here is that if a QB is not taken in the top 3 and Shanahan decides to get himself a slinger of his own, Clausen makes the most sense to me.

I really don't understand all the love for Bradford anyway. Heisman winning quarterbacks have always sucked in the NFL. He hardly ever got touched at OU. When he did, he got hurt. He is coming off shoulder surgery. He took a large chunk of his snaps from the shotgun. He looks like Drew Thompson. Native Americans have zero track record of success in the NFL, too! He is far from being a lock.

Now, I suppose I owe you an explanation for sort of coming around on the gay ostrich from Notre Dame (pun definitely intended...for dramatic effect!). Yes, he is immature. Yes, he is a punk bitch. Yes, his former teammates have questioned his leadership. I am aware of all of this. HOWEVAH! He played in a pro-style offense. He is used to playing behind God awful offensive lines (which is the Redskins finest attribute). He was really good in fourth quarters last year. He can make all the throws according to Kiper. He has a knack for comebacks. He is apparently a hard worker and a team first guy. He is not black (just kidding...or maybe I'm can decide).

Take the pro's that I just listed. Isn't that EXACTLY what you want from your QB? The only problem is that this package comes in the form of Jimmy Clausen. If Tim Tebow was packing this line, he would be the consensus #1 pick! While Jimmy's appearance is a HUGE problem, at least he isn't Brady Quinn. Quinn never won anything in college (may not be true, but don't want to look it up). I guess that Clausen sort of reminds me of Eli Manning. He is a fully functioning retard who is probably not as highly regarded as he should be because he is retarded.

So take all of that into account for a minute and let it sink in. I STILL DON'T WANT THE REDSKINS TO TAKE A QB. But if they do, I would rather have this retard than Navajo Joe. And I would REALLY rather them take one this year than try to get Jake Locker next year because he is extremely fucking terrible. I think that an old creed for addicts is something like "admission is the first step on the road to recovery". I just admitted that I would have no problem with my team drafting Jimmy Clausen. I think that is the first step on the road to suicide.

Have a good weekend all. I will be attending Jim Gaffigan's set at the Ohio Theatre on Saturday night (fuck yeah). If you aren't watching Olympic hockey tonight and Sunday, we can not be friends anymore. I have changed my allegiance though...GO AMERICA!!!


Anonymous said...

Uh, Jimmy Clausen never won anything in college either, buddy, and he was/is a bigger doucher than BQ. And that's saying a lot.

How can you say in one sentence that his teammates question his leadership and in another say he is team first guy? You can't be both.

For the sake of this blog, I hope that the Skins do draft JC. He should provide some good material for you write about and for all of us to laugh at on Mondays during the season. The guy has bust written all over him. You just sentenced the Redskins to 10 more years of shitty football.


GMoney said...

I think there is a difference. You can be a crappy leader say like Romo or McNabb and be a team-oriented guy that doesn't have a massive ego. It can be done.

Clausen won the Hawaii Bowl, bitch!!!

Like I said, the only reason he has "bust written all over him" is because he looks like he does. You have to admit, he was pretty good. Just because a guy is ugly and highly punchable, that doesn't mean he is doomed to fail.

Mr. Ace said...

I have to agree with Damman...I hope to christ the skins draft him now.

I honestly don't think that he will be a bust. I would take Jimmy before I took Bradford...but I wouldn't waste a 1st round pick on any of the QB's this year. If there was ever any QB who is prepared to play as a rookie, it's got to be Jimmy. Weis is a terrible college coach, but I have no doubt in his ability to prepare and teach an offense.

But ya, you guys need O line, running back, defensive backs, linebackers(London Fletcher will begin his downfall this year), hell you guys still need a number one WR.

You guys are going to be fucking terrible next year either way though.

Anonymous said...

Yesterday you wrote a blog about pussies getting their asses kicked.

Today you wrote a blog hoping that the Redskins draft a guy who got his ass kicked in a South Bend bar last Fall.

You are a faggot.


Grumpy said...

You just lost what little credibility you had. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm left longing for Mr. Ace.

Mr. Ace said...

Grump, you are dead to me. Don't you dare try to come crawling back to me now.

Not to completely take over the comments(I DONT GIVE A FUCK, BITCH) but I have been throwing around the idea of having a commenter power rankings that I would post every other Tuesday. It wouldn't be the only part of the post, but maybe half of it. I think it would be great to rank everyone by the amount of retarded comments they make every two weeks and come up with the biggest fucktard of the commenteriat. One, this will make most of you despise me even more. Two, it will allow all of us to gang up on one known person until they live up to our commenting standards. Three, I'm convinced I can get Seal to kill himself with this.

So watch your back, queer sticks.

GMoney said...

Since you assholes are illiterate, I never said that I hope Clausen is a Redskin. I want an O-Lineman or twelve. I said that if the team wants to go QB, I would rather have this guy than Bradford.

Seriously, do any of you read?

And both of these guys are a million times better than Jake Locker.

J Beanie said...

Boring post. You don't want Clausen. If you have to talk yourself into a player you dont want him, even if its only you want him more than the other mediocre quarterback.

But was sweet was the Canada's women hockey team's celebration. Bring beer and cigars onto the ice to celebrate with fans was the best celebration of all time. Professional teams in America need to do this.

Anonymous said...

I would argue that Brady accomplished more than Jimmy. At least brady made a BCS game. Brady also didn't have Golden Tate to throw the ball up to.

This would be the greatest draft ever if the Skins take Clausen. I think the only reason you're writing this is to soften the blow when it happens. I can't picture Clausen winning in the NFL.

Ace- the problem with your power rankings would be that you're the judge and you are the least intelligent about sports. Does that mean whoever is in last place is really in first place?


Mr. Ace said...

Dut, you're always in last place so don't worry about it.

My logic is flawless.

I would take Juice Williams as my first QB this year.

Anonymous said...

G$- are you illiterate? Your title says "in favor of a franchise queer." That to me says that you hope Clausen is your franchise qb!


Jeff said...

Way to come around G$! America, Fuck Yeah!

The skins might as well draft Ricky Dobbs.

GMoney said...

Dut, what are the two words that follow that? You must be that stupid. Do I have to explain what "sort of" means?

Look at the draft, has any QB taken over the last 5 years been considered a slam dunk stud? No. Stafford never won anything. Sanchize only started for one year. Flacco is a neanderthal. Ryan never won anything. Quinn is a faggot. And so on...every QB has some sort of flaw. Clausen's only flaw is that he looks like Jimmy Clausen.

I GUARANTEE that he is QBing in the playoffs at some point over the next three years no matter where he ends up*.

*Unless he goes to Buffalo.

GMoney said...

Damn! Americans put up a quick 3 spot on Ludvig Borga (no one better get that reference). This one is OVAH!!!

GMoney said...

Make that 6-0 15 minutes into the game...Christ!

Anonymous said...

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J Beanie said...

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Anonymous said...

G$ giving JC love. Finally coming around! I have heard JC compared to Breesus.


Anonymous said...

I'd like to know who is making those comparisons. Charlie Weis maybe?


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Benben said...

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America. Fuck Yeah