Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Fan-Fapping-Tastic...Mmm Pornstars

Money Shot Maniacs, we will always have this.

WARNING! The following content may be offensive to you. If terms such as nutgobbler, cumguzzling, anal gapage, titty fuck, taint bomb, horse cock, reach around, prostate milking, finger blasting, muff diving, choad, Lucky Pierre(Dut's favorite), love tunnel, angry dragon, autofellatio(My Favorite), bust-a-nut bars, chocolate starfish, or felching are offensive to you, you will most certainly be offended by the following post. If so, take out your fucking tampon and keep reading. If not, get the google search ready and throw on a pair of woman's panties because it's about to get real freaky naughty.

What a fantastic day here at The Money Shot. Today, we talk about porn. Big titties. Fat asses. Thick mustaches(oops). I'm a sucker for the curves, so don't be mad when your favorite sixteen year old look-a-like girl isn't on here. It's porn, to each his fucking pedophile. I'm going to give a crash course on everything that is porn today. So sit back, dim the lights, make yourself comfortable, and get back to fucking work you creep!

Mr. Ace's Top Five:
Note: This list is fluid--pun intended--because it just is. Nobody jerks it to the same set of chicks in the same order. Nonetheless, we all have our go-to's.
1. Gianna Michaels. This is a number one that you probably wouldn't see on anybody else's list, but fuck them. She has ginormous real tits. She could deep throat a Louisville Slugger. I imagine her getting pounded eight hours a day for work and then going home and having her own gang bang just for shits and gigs because she just likes to be slammed. She is not some blond bombshell, super hot porn star , but this isn't fucking Miss America. You need to be a performer to be my bottom bitch.

2. Amy Reid. She is definitely the hottest porn star out there and she brings the nasty. Again, great natural boobies. Super fit. She is definitely DTF in every way, shape, and form. And she is German, so you know she likes the booze. She always sticks her finger in her ass and that is always awesome. But her porn star boyfriend looks like Powder and that's not cool...the only thing that kept her out of the number one spot.

3. Carmella Bing. Boooooooooooooobies! She used to be my favorite, but has fallen down the list slightly over the last couple years. Still top shelf, but she has let herself go a little bit. But that's the wonderful thing about porn, you can find the good shit anywhere. Even if she does resemble an offensive tackle right now, her old scenes are still out there and just as great as they were when I first saw them. Her Brazzers work should have earned her an Oscar.

4. Bree Olson. She has mastered the dirty little school girl routine and deserves to be rewarded for it...with a big load of baby batter. All I really have to say is 2008 AVN Best Anal Sex Scene Award and you know what I'm talking about.

5. Jayden James. This was a tough one. She is easily deserving of a top five spot...but so are about ten other ladies. But Jayden makes this list simply because her body is fucking bangin'. Look at that shit. I would need images of dead kittens in my head just to last 1 minute with her. Her only downfall though, no back door least not that I've seen(And trust me, I've looked). I'm sure it will happen eventually and when it does, she goes right to the top of the list.
Honorable Mentions:
Ashlynn Brooke
Memphis Monroe
Claire Dames
Alexis Texas- Superbooty
Phoenix Marie
Hanna Hilton
...and many many more.

Oh no, I'm not done yet. Now it's time to give a little break down of some of the more popular Subcategories of porn.
1. Lacey DuValle. Holy black jesus, she is fucking hot. As 2 Live Crew once eloquently said, "Big booty hoes, hump wit it! Let me see you touch the ground!" I imagine those lyrics were meant especially for Lacey DuValle. She is a lesbian by day, but she will do anything for pay...aka perfect.
Honorable Mentions:
Chavon Taylor
Aurora Jolie

Latina: Favorite Subcategory
1. Esperanza Gomez. Sweet goodness, she is unbelievably hot. She hasn't been around all that long, but she has quickly climbed to the top of my spankbank. Everything about her is ridiculous. My words probably can't do her justice, so I'll just let you fire up the google machine and come up with your own explanation.
Honorable Mentions:
Isis Love
Eva Angelina
Lela Star

1. Holly Halston. Huge jugs. Blonde hair. You think, meh, typical porn star. Well you would be wrong, sir. Not only is she a machine in the sack, she has the hottest voice ever. There is only one MILF I personally know that can stack up against Ms. Halston...Nate B knows who I'm talking about.
Honorable Mentions:
Lisa Ann
Veronica Rayne

1. Priya Rai. I have never tried curry, but I'm pretty sure all the guys reading this would eat it from her ass crack. She is straight out of India, which isn't something you see too often in the porn biz. Most importantly she squirts, a lot.
Honorable Mentions:
Umm...Asians, they all look alike.

That's right, I said dudes. I'm not afraid to admit that there are guys I would rather watch pounding snatch over others.
1. Keiran Lee. This guy is fucking hilarious. I don't know if it's just his English accent or what, he always makes the porn experience even better. I would totally hang out with this guy, no homo.
Honorable Mentions:
None, I have already raised enough questions about my sexuality with this.

Squirting: One of the most awesome and disgusting things all at the same time. A little bit is cool, but I don't want to feel like I just fucked Splash Mountain.
1. Mason Moore. There is just something about girls with huge knockers and tats that is awesome. Then you throw in she takes action in door number 2. Then you sprinkle some squirting on top. And you've got the ultimate porn star.
Honorable Mentions:
Flower Tucci

1. Nina Hartley. This one was all G Money, "Personally, I am in awe that Nina Hartley is still getting slammed on camera well into her 50's. She's like the Satchel Paige of sucking dick." Well said.
Honorable Mentions:
Linda Lovelace
Jenna Jamison...I think she can be considered a classic now.

1. POV. There are several ways to shoot a porn and none of them are bad, but there is one that is better than all the rest. Why POV? Because there are times when I feel like I should possess a 17 inch, black clam hammer and POV is the best way to make that happen.
Honorable Mentions:
Everything else.

Pay For Porn Sites:
1. Brazzers. In college, a kid on my dorm floor agreed to put a porn membership on his credit card as long as some of the guys would pitch in to cover the cost. Worked for me. That membership went strong for over five years until one day, one terribly depressing day, it vanished. Brazzers is the shit.
2. Bangbros. Their previews are awesome so their full content has to be, right? Right.

Free Porn Tubes:
1. Youjizz. The name says it all. You watch, you jizz. They have an enormous selection. If you can't find any ammunition their then it's just not gonna happen.
2. Keezmovies. A bunch of categories. A nice porn star database.
Honorable Mentions:
Pornrabbit...that's usually all the further I get.

Now that, my friends, is what porn is fucking all about. You may want to bookmark this post, because it is awesome. Next time you are having an argument about porn, feel free to quote directly from this article and know that you will immediately be respected and revered. Hopefully you got a chance to read this while at home. If not, it's going to be really awkward walking around work with a boner.


Mr. Ace said...

I'm not going to be with you during the comments today, fellas. I actually have work type shit to do alllll fucking day. Just terrible timing.

But enjoy, hopefully I will be able to chime in sometime after 1.

Upstate Underdog said...

Tori Welles is my all time favorite. She is now a classic, but nice call on Nina Hartley.

Also, check out They catalog clips from all the free clip sites.

GMoney said...

Amazing research done here. This would be an A+ college thesis. I'm with you, Gianna is the shit.

Anonymous said...

Great list Ace. Here are some other names that if you havent typed in one handed you should:

Teagan Presley
Eve Lawrence
Lexi Belle
Sandy Sweet
Delta White
Tori Black
Sasha Grey
Texas Presley

J(from J Beanie)

Grumpy said...

Dana Hayes. In her 50's, but nasty.
I predict this post will get more comments than college basketball.

GMoney said...

As well it should. God bless the internet.

GMoney said...

J, Teagan never should have gotten her tits done. She isn't the same anymore.

I don't know anything about Texas Presley, but that name is awful.

Anonymous said...

I agree about Teagan. I only spank it to pre-boobjob Teagan

J(from J Beanie)

Anonymous said...

Lots of good stuff here Ace.

We definitely have a different favorite type of porn star though.

My top five would be something along the lines of...

Tori Black, Amy Reid, Jenna Haze, Jesse Jane and Ginger Lee.

Top newcomer...perv out Natalia Rossi...she's pretty new and damn hot. Also, sticks a finger up her butt so she's a lock to do anal soon.

Top Asian...Lilly Thai and it's not even close.

Top Dude...Back in college the guys in my house always liked Erik Everhard's work. If he was in a movie we referred to him as "our dude".

All-Time Favorite -- Cassidey Rae -- If you guys aren't familiar with her, go to freeones and look up her early work. There has never been a finer porn star...EVER. She wouldn't through a rough patch a few years ago, where she really wasn't looking too hot..drug induced perhaps. Well, in the last six months she has come back with a fucking purpose..not has hot as she was when she was 20 years old...but she looks damn fine and I couldn't be happier to be back fapping to new hot Cassidey movies.

Hottest black...Emy Reyes.

Best body...Amy Reid and I don't think it's close.

Best cock rider...April Summers.

Best free site...wide's like the google of free porn.

Best amateur free site...burning camel (if there is a better one please recommend it as I'm not in love with it by any means).

Lastly, I prefer bang brothers over Brazzers but I don't hate on either.


Anonymous said...

Good thoughts on Teagan as well. She was damn hot before she decided to go almost anorexic and get fake tits. I still watch though.


GMoney said...

Since we're talking about porn today this needs to be addressed. Have you seen Jenna Jameson recently? Gross. DO NOT DO CRYSTAL METH.

And if any of you can top this then so be it...I have read the autobiographies of both Jenna AND Ron Jeremy (who I once saw in an airport).

Anonymous said...

Jameson does look horrible.

Forgot to mention that I find Bree Olsen to be disgusting for some reason. Not a fan by any means.

Any thoughts on Spring Thomas? I think she's hot as hell and don't mind the fact that all she fucks is huge black guys. I saw one where a white guy happened to cum on her and she flipped otu and started crying..loved it.

Also saw an MTV True Life about being a porn star that just focused on Jayden James. She flipped out when she didn't win some award.


GMoney said...

Ace mentioned Eva Angelina. Now normally I do not care for the glasses look but she pulls it off very well.

Drew, I'm not a Bree fan either. And I have no idea who that other broad is that you mentioned.

Anonymous said...

I guess porn is the only thing everyone on this site doesn't disagree on?

I wonder if Mrs Ace proofread this post?


Anonymous said...

Anybody got any good fave red heads?

My favorites are Ginger Lee and Faye Reagan. There's got to be someone hotter than Reagan though...and Ginger isn't even too much of a redhead.


Anonymous said...

No mention of Shyla Stylez? Thats surprising. I was a little surprised with the number one, but based on the criteria you gave for it, you are absolutely right. There is no better natural tittied, brunette, cock gobbling, schlong craving, nasty talking whore than Gianna Michaels.

Regarding genre of porn, I prefer a little theatrical value with a plot. At the very least you will find something funny.

Favorite latina: No mention of Nina Mercedez? If you haven't seen her, she would definitely fit your curvy, big tittied criteria.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Strut..good Latina choice. A few other good ones are Lorena Sanchez, Daisy Marie and Jeanavieve Jolie. I find Daisy to be gorgeous and she upgraded to the big fake tits a couple years ago.

Ace...have you seen Lela Star lately? Her face is all fucked up from too many surgeries...sad as she was real hot.

Oh...and Raven Riley is fucking hot as shit. I haven't seen a mention of her yet.

I'd highly recommend looking up Wikipedia pages for some of the bigger name porn stars out there...they are very funny.


Anonymous said...

Also, best site: It is a search engine that pulls videos from like 20 sites. It even has a star listing.

Overall, well done, Ace. I did not know what to expect, but you definitely went above and beyond. You are truly someone who watches more than their fair share of porn.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Agree, LS, I enjoy some production in my erotic art. Give me some sort of back story and dialogue. That is usually the best part.

Thoughts on Briana Banks? She has lost a bit off her fastball over the years and she could definitely kick my ass, but still a quality performer.

Upstate Underdog said...

Jewel De'Nyle also makes my top 5, along with Tori Welles, Jenna Jamison in her prime, Janine Lindemulder, Nina Hartley.

Dudes: Peter North, Rocco Sifredi

/no homo

J Beanie said...

Hey J, remember when we went to the Porn convention in LA? That was fucking great. We should go back. I don't even remember who we saw there besides Ron Jeremy and that gross titted Mary Carry or whatever her name was but it was a fantastically "remember this for when you can jerk off" time. I was so overwhelmed (or over stimulated) that I couldn't enjoy it as much as I would the second time.

Mr. Ace said...

Holy balls this orientation is fucking lame...but the presenter is a total milf. Easily make the top 5 of that category.

Nina Mercedes was definitely considered. Nothing wrng with her.

I need to be in the Shyla Styles mood. She's not part of the regular rotation.

Comments are going well.

What about the POV? Am I the only who prefers that over the rest?

Plots are alright, but you rarely find a good one. Most porns should just stick to fucking because that's what they do best.

Anonymous said...

I'm not really into plots.

As for thanks. That really doesn't interest me in the least, but I do find the humor in imagining a big black one as my own.

G$...I don't find Briana Banks to be that hot anymore. She was extremely nice at one time though. I think the current version of hot Briana Banks is a starlet named Tanya James. She's big on Brazzers scene, so I'm sure some of you are familiar with her work.

I got a buddy whose married but still loves his porn...and he's into the real filthy shit his wife won't do with him. Anyways, he always refers to his favorite porn stars as his "internet girlfriends"...I don't know why I find that so funny, but I always do.


Nate B said...

This post was a fucking joke. Not one mention of Deric Alexander. zOMG

Mr. Ace said...

Well, Mrs. Ace went against my advice and read this here blog post. Needless to say, she was not impressed and now knows what I am doing while she is at work. I'm going to put a password on my computer now so she can't delete my bookmarks.

And women wonder why we look at porn...

GMoney said...

Listen bitch, if you want to beat yesterday's comment total, you better step it up. And don't even bother trying to beat me in hits.

Yesterday - 25,000 people came here
Today - 3,000

I'll try to "stimulate" some conversation though to some of the experts. Obviously, a decade ago, Jenna and Tera Patrick were the two big starlets in the porn game. Who are the heavy hitters today?

Anonymous said...

Heavy hitters today?

I believe a heavy hitter today is known as a "contract girl". These girls get contracts...only work for one service and don't really put out a lot work.

I don't even know who the Vivid girls are as I think their shit sucks now...mainly due to having plots.

I think Jesse Jane and Teagan are heavy hitters still.

Then you get the big time brazzers girls that Ace and company seem to love. I think Tori Black is quickly moving up into "heavy hitter" area. Jenna Haze also seems to be one...she's all over th eplace and never seems to age...props to her.

Courtney Cummz seems to be on a lot of sites as well.


Anonymous said...

Nate B.,

Just because some of us fine porn enjoyable rather than the progressive marginal tax rate and the depreciation deduction, does not mean this post sucked.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

G$- your 25000 hits were because of your link to the 7-10 split from Not because of your shitty outlandish post on MSU basketball.

How many hits a day does a normal post get?


GMoney said...

I know exactly where my hits came from and it had very little to do with deadspin. brought in the main haul.

As far as hits per day go, those records remain sealed as you aren't important enough to know the results.

Anonymous said...

I think you are all missing out on another hot POA, Kayden Kross, she of the what real estate fraud or whatever it was. A lady I worked with owned a music store in Chico CA, and Kayden was there. She's fine as hell too!


Anonymous said...

I will still say Lisa Ann is my number one MILF and definatly in my top 10. Gianna Micheals is not very hot, But something about her.. Tits, Crazy, Wild fuck. Same Amy Reid except she is hot. Im an ass guy when it comes to Porn.. Love Alexis Texas, Julia Bond, Carmen Kinsley. Jayden James, Cody Lane, Olivia O'Lovely,Mackenzee Pierce.

Some other notables that i love are Austin Kinkaid, Lela Starr, Rachel Starr, Rachel Roxxx, Audre Bitoni, Penny Flame, Sienna West, Whitney Stevens, Teagan Pressley, Nikki Benz. I will do my best and try to name it a top 5 but it Changes frequently. In any order except number 1

1. Lisa Ann.. After her any order
Jayden James, Austin Kinkaid, Nikki Benz. Mackenzee Pierce. Very close HM. Julia Bond, Alexix Texas. Sienna West. Carmen Kinsley.Claie Dames, Memphis Monroe

I know im probably missing a few.

As for sites., along with the couple already mentioned.


Anonymous said...

Wow. I had a feeling that I shouldn't come here during work due to the questionable content that I may have been caught looking at...and I was right. I would have been fired on the spot.

Excellent material though. I thought I knew a fair amount about porn but you guys put me to shame.

No Naptown Wolverine? This is like his Super Bowl.


Anonymous said...

Its true. While at a porn convention in LA a few years back Beanie and myself witnessed Mary Carey eating a hoagie sandwich. A piece of mayo covered tomato fell into her cleavage and she didnt even remove it. Ever. Yucky

J (from J Beanie)

Anonymous said...

Slutload is an awesome source for free porn.

Mr. Ace said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

This blog = epic!!!


Anonymous said...

Instead of who you have as #2 im gona go with Shyla Stylez hot blond with o nautral tits and if you want to see a video with CARMELLA BING, GIANNA MICHEALS, SHYLA STYLEZ just google search it its a pretty hot vid

Anonymous said...

I believe Dut deserves to know the hits per day record as he does provide very valid and well thought out points/comments.

Anonymous said...

The record is over 25K and it had nothing to do with queer boy who probably hated this post.


Prime99 said...

This is probably the beginning of a Porn almanac or a monthly publication similar to Beckett Baseball Card magazine- only for porn. Excellent work!

Mr. Ace said...

I thought about updating it, but it's a classic. Best to leave it in its original condition.

The Iceman said...

I feel like I've read this before...

Anonymous said...

Veronica (aka Gigi) Rodriguez, Capri Anderson, Little Caprice, Beata Udine, etc.

Anonymous said...

Just an FYI..... Platinums in Toledo burnt down last night. Fitting post for a tragic occasion. They did interview a stripper on TV though.
--- Lange

Cheap London escorts said...

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Escorts in London said...

I think that Sasha Grey and raven Alexis are missed from above list. I want to pick Bree Olson from above list because her naughty eyes and smile makes me more horny.