Friday, February 12, 2010

The Big Ten Wants Hooked

So word is leaking out that the Big Ten wants Texas to be Team #12 in what will still probably be referred to as the Big Ten. Makes sense. I mean, Texas most definitely is a midwestern state. The University of Cairo is geographically closer than fucking Austin. Let me make this easier for you all, Texas doesn't need the Big Ten. They don't care about the money. They don't want to make trips to Wisconsin in November. They barely recruit outside of their own borders anyway and that seems to be working just fine for them.

In fact, since I bug Jim Delaney's phone, I was able to transcribe the conversation that he had with Mack Brown about this potential expansion. As you will see, his sales pitch could use some work.

Mack Brown: [in Mexico, he answers the phone] Hello?
Jim Delaney: Mack Brown, this is Jim Delaney of the Big Ten. How would you like to play with us this season.
Mack Brown: What?
Jim Delaney: We would surely like to...
Mack Brown: [interrupting] Is that you, Tolbert? Look, I'm hung over, my knees are killing me, and if you're gonna pull this shit at least you can say you're from the SEC.

It ain't happ'nin'. Try again, Jim Delaney. Maybe you should set your sights a little lower next time. How about Florida? DeVry? Alabama? The Pennsylvania Culinary Institute? USC? Idiot. Quit wasting everyone's time with pointless rumors. Texas isn't going to go down a notch in competition and piss off their entire fan base just for a few extra bucks.

My apologies for the short post today but I figured it could at least give us some decent discussion today. And after Dut complimented me on my fine writing yesterday, I deserve a mail-in post. I had another big post planned but I didn't want to over-exert myself this week (it will probably come Monday instead and features a nice quip about retards!). Have a good weekend. Look for me at the Canucks/Blue Jackets game tonight. I will be the drunk guy who falls from the upper deck crushing 13-14 hockey fans with my sexy, Amber Bock-soaked girth.


Anonymous said...

Going down a notch in competition? I'm not saying the Big 10 is a powerhouse by any means, but who in the Big 12 (besides Oklahoma) has been worth two shits in the last decade?

Texas has a national fan base and joining the Big 10 would do a lot for them as far as exposure. Will it happen? Not likely, but it's not as far fetched as you think.


GMoney said...

Texas Tech, Missouri, Nebraska, OU, OSU,'s a solid conference that is probably better than the Big Ten. Good luck trying to explain to their rabid fanbase that this would be more than just a lateral move.

I don't think that Texas has a national fan base at all. Texans don't usually leave Texas/the south. How many Longhorn fans have you ever seen in Ohio?

Grumpy said...

G$ is right. I've never seen Texas gear in Ohio. Doesn't make sense geographically or any other way.

Anonymous said...

I think it's a lot more likely than you think as well. It all comes down to $$$$ and just about any B12 team would like to join the Big Ten, because the money they get being in the B12 is fucking garbage...fucking garbage. It would be a huge increase in money for them just getting money that the B10 disperses now...let alone after the bump that the B10 would get with the Texas addition.

The distance argument is bull-shit too. They already play in a conference with Iowa State. Penn State's gotta travel far as hell to get to Iowa, Wisconsin and Minnesota.


Anonymous said...

Forgot to mention...your hockey game idea of getting drunk and falling from the top bowl.

I was up in Joe Louis for a Wings game a few weeks ago. All of a sudden they start clearing everyone from this one section in the lower bowl. We were wonderring what the fuck was going on until we saw that some shit-faced guy had somehow broken into the rafters and was running around the catwalk dropping pappers down below. It was great fun to wait for the cops to get up there. They kept the game going, while the cops ran him down and tackled him up there.


GMoney said...

So it is pretty much just a cash grab then.

Forget the current financial dynamics. If anOSU left the Big Ten for the Big East because they would earn an extra ten million dollars a year that you would never see put to use, would you be OK with that? Didn't think so.

Mr. Ace said...

I think I have made pretty clear on here that I'm not a Big Ten homer... but the Big 12 blows. Texas has it made in the Big 12 because all they really have to do is beat Oklahoma and avoid an upset the rest of the year. If they would have to come up and play at Fuckeyes, Big House, Happy Valley, Camp Randall, etc, that would severely lessen their chances at going undefeated and winning titles.

I think Texas' fan base is the closest thing to Notre Dame. They may not be national, but they are damn close.

But...THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY! Mizzou is the only team in the B12 that would be a possibility.

Anonymous said...

The osu to the big east is an awful comparison. Ohio State has close to 100 years of history in the b10. Texas has 15 in the Big 12. Big 10 is also far superior in academics, football, and is a money making machine compared to the big east.

If texas would join, apparently A&M would have to come with them. If that's the case we would add Missouri and make it a 14 team conference. That would be fantastic.

Texas wouldn't make the jump just for athletics either. Academically the big12 is way behind the b10. Texas would also get access to millions of research dollars because of the CIC (I don't know or care what that is, I just read about it).

As far as travel, Austin has a great airport. I doubt they were driving to many B12 places anyway. Its closer for Texas in the B10 than it is for Miami in the ACC.

I think getting to play ohio state, penn state, Michigan, and Wisconsin every year is much more appealing than Nebraska, oklahoma State, and Leachless Texas Tech. They would still play Oklahoma.

From what I've read Texas is not happy in the b12. It just makes too much sense to me. Come to the Big 10!!

Oh and they didn't join the SEC 15 years ago because they didn't want to be associated with a bunch of retard hillbilly schools.


Nate B. said...

Texas' financial payout from TV deals in 2009: $10,000,000

Northwestern's financial payout from TV deals in 2009: $18,000,000

The Big Ten shares evenly with each school, whereas the Big Twelve allocates $ based on success. Despite Texas receiving the lion's share of the Big 12's money, they still received less than each Big Ten team, including Indiana, NW, etc.

Forgetting the financial dynamics is too much to ask of a college football program, especially in the BCS age. Money is money.

Anonymous said...

Great point, Nate. You've also gotta think that margin would grow because the b10 would be worth a lot more for a TV deal with Texas.


Mr. Ace said...

Dut, your Miami argument is retarded. It is about a 1,000 miles from Austin to Chicago. I think that will be about the average of travel for Texas for every B10 road game, and that is being generous. It won't work. It wouldn't be terrible for football, but we are talking about ALL sports. No chance in hell.

Mr. Ace said...

B12 is just looking for leverage when they make their new TV deal... they are just using the B10.

GMoney said...

The anOSU to the Big East analogy is a little off, I admit. Maybe if Penn State left, it would make more sense.

This is not going to happen. Period. Over the past decade, or since they joined the Big 12, hasn't the conference been better than the Big Ten in football and basketball? And baseball is a big deal for the Horns...ain't no way they are coming up to play an April DH in Ann Arbor.

I wish that we had a Texas fan that came here because I truly believe that the fanbase would go apeshit about joining what they consider to be an inferior conference. I have a Texas t-shirt so I'm qualified to say that Texas will not be joining an inferior conference.

Fuck you all for not thanking me for the Major League reference. Shame on all of you.

MuDawgfan said...

"but who in the Big 12 (besides Oklahoma) has been worth two shits in the last decade?"

Funny - I can't remember a team outside of Ohio State that is worth a shit in the Big10. PSU is a big maybe.

MuDawgFan said...

Furthermore, this point is moot when the SEC dumps Arkansas and picks up Texas in 2 years.

Then we demand another 50 million from SEC and win another 4 BCS titles in a row. Fucking your girlfriends and stealing your lunch money on the way to the bank cocksuckers!!!!111

MuDawgfan said...

Sorry for the shit talk. I took the day off today and have been drinking wine since 9:45.

Friends are picking up me up at noon and we're going skeet shooting.

Fuck Ohio State.

Anonymous said...

Ace- stop being so faggy. The point is they're flying everywhere. There isn't one school in the acc that Miami drives to.


Anonymous said...

Mudawgfan- thanks for proving my point about retarded hillbillies.

The SEC tried to get Texas 15 years ago. They said no because of the academic standards.


Tony B. said...

Texas isn't leaving for the Big Ten. It wouldn't make any sense for them to leave the conference with their biggest rivalries, only to add travel expenses to all their teams, which would negate much of any extra revenue the Big Ten could provide.

Go grab the Cleveland Browns. They might be decently competitive in your hypothetical 12 team football conference.

GMoney said...

I like the cut of your gib, Dawg. Don't shoot your eye out.

Tony, exactly. When you think outside of the major sports, the cost of sending your track team to Happy Valley is exorbitant.

Mr. Ace said...

Exorbitant? Looks like somebody used

Muddy, the B10 has been putting two teams into BCS games a lot often has the B12 done that?

This shit isn't happening. Tools.

Tony B. said...

"I like the cut of your gib." Great saying- highly underrated.

Tony B. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.