Wednesday, January 06, 2010

The Year Of The Comebacks

Man, how great was this movie? Of course it's stupid, but it's good stupid. David Koechner cracks my shit up eventhough he is a full-fledged retard. But this epic film is half of my inspiration for today's post. The other half, you ask?

Now, I don't normally watch Monday Night Raw. Every once in awhile, I will flip it on, watch for a few minutes, get annoyed, and then change the channel. But I had heard rumors that Bret "The Hitman" Hart was going to show up this week. I did not believe it. Obviously, almost all of the craft of professional wrestling is fake. I won't argue this. What is real though is the drug-related deaths, the reality that Owen Hart could not fly, the injuries sustained, and the Montreal Screwjob of 1997. If you don't know the story, I recommend that you read up on it. Basically, Vince McMahon screwed over Hart's legacy, Hart spit on him and gave him a black-eye, and then there was no communication for over a decade. It was a true grudge. These guys HATED each other and it was absolutely NOT fake.

But there was Hart on Monday night, back in the ring...back in the WWE again. It was surreal. He and Shawn Michaels buried the hatchet. At the end, it appeared that Vince and Bret were going to make amends as well. Then Vince kicked him in the nuts setting up a likely mega-match at Wrestlemania between a guy in his 70's and a guy in his 50's. Sound terrible? It probably will be. But it was cool as shit and amazing to see those two face to face again. It ultimately told me that money trumps all and these two realized that their rivalry paled in comparison to the fistfuls of cash that all parties could make. It is genius. And it got me thinking, 2010 is not even a week old yet we have already seen a comeback that I NEVER thought I would ever see. Ever. So why can't the rest of this year be as awesome? Why can't 2010 be the year of the comeback? If Bret "The Hitman" Hart and Vince McMahon can set aside their egos for the greater good, why not see who else we can get to make an epic comeback? Here is what I would like to see happen over the next 359 days.

*I want Tiger Woods to come back with a vengeance. He's been taking a beating in the media and the jokes are running rampant. I want to see him win The Masters and when sinks that final putt, I hope he dry humps the shit out of Steve Williams.

*I want Barry Bonds back. Yeah, he's a dickhead and one of the most polarizing athletes of the past decade, but I don't care. How perfect would his swing be for Yankee Stadium? He could hit 100 home runs.

*I want Barry Sanders is back. I've wanted this for a decade. Please come back to the Lions. Even in his 40's, he is still better than Kevin Smith.

*I want Tim Donaghy back. Even after the controversy, NBA officiating still sucks. Might as well bring back a ref who would definitely make pro basketball must-watch TV.

*I want Mark Mangino, Charlie Weis, Phil Fulmer, and Romeo Crennel to form a "super coach" alliance and take over some college program that is floundering but accepting of fat guys. Somewhere like Wisconsin. Fire Bielema and bring in The Fat Four.

*I want Jerry Tarkanian to coach UNLV again. Those teams were fun as fuck and obviously well-paid.

*I want Dale Earnhardt back. Take his son instead.

*I want Andre Agassi to put his crazy wig back on, cook up and smoke all the meth he can, and kill Roger Federer because he has no personality. And then beat the capri pants off of Nadal assuming the #1 player in the world title.

*I want Bo Diaz to come back and work for DirecTV. Don't get the joke about the former Reds catcher? Allow me to explain:
On November 23, 1990, Díaz was killed when a satellite dish that he was adjusting on the roof of his home in Caracas, Venezuela fell on him.

*I want Dick Schaap to rise from the grave. In his brief state as a zombie, I would like him to kill Mike Lupica, Mitch Albom, Bob Ryan, and anyone else who has turned The Sports Reporters from a solid watch to absolute shit.

*I want JBeanie to either start his site up again or become a regular contributor here. There. I said it.

*And finally, I want John Cooper to come back to coach Ohio State. No one pissed away seasons with superior talent quite like that hayseed.

I want this to happen. I want this to be the most amazing sports year ever. We are already off to a great start with The Hitman's return, but we need to keep the momentum going.


Anonymous said...

After last night, it looks like I officially beat G$ in his own bowl pool. Big Ten niggas.


GMoney said...

Congratulations. You get nothing.

Anonymous said...

I want Tyler Hansbrough back.


Mr. Ace said...

I want Chris Benoit to come back as a school counselor.

I want to put Lil Strut in the sharpshooter.

Dustin said...

I want my 5 year vacation back (college).

So how are the Big 10 haters going to spin them beating 4 top 15 teams in bowl season this year? I can't wait to hear the excuses.

GMoney said...

Dut, one good year does not make up for 5 shitty ones. Or as you call it, "college".

Tony B. said...

You should let JBeanie write one awesome entry and then kick him in the nuts. It would be very Vince McMahon.

Anonymous said...


You wouldn't be able to get me in the sharpshooter, because I would have given you the sweet chin music far before you had the chance.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Just another big win for the Big Ten last night.


GMoney said...

Leave it to Seal to post a random, stupid, and pointless comment.

Anonymous said...

Im confused as to how that was a stupid and pointless comment? Was last nights game not ANOTHER big win for the Big Ten conference? Is this not a blog where we talk about things happening in the sports world? Is it not bowl season? Go fuck yourself.


GMoney said...

I'll say it again, cumrag, since you obviously can not read...

one good year does not make up for 5 shitty ones.

Mr. Ace said...



I don't really have a comeback - I just want Tressel to get AIDS from a Latin guy.

Hopefully it's one named Anthony Gonzalez.

GMoney said...

Dawg, it would probably be easier if you introduced him to Roberto Alomar.

Anonymous said...

You want a random comment. Well chew on this: David Segui got a vote for the Major Leaugue Baseball Hall of Fame. I thought I heard the Nationals picked up a mutual option on him.


Anonymous said...

Also, more related, but also off topic. I hate the our conference versus your conference crap.