Monday, January 11, 2010

The Worst Of Wild Card Weekend Vol.III

Hmmm, I'm not really sure how to lead this off. I was going to talk about how shitty my picks were but I went 2-2 ATS. Then I was going to discuss how the teams that gave up in week 17 got what they deserved but the Cardinals proved that theorem wrong. Finally, I wanted to talk about how all the games were insanely boring but the Cardinals again came through in the clutch. Instead, let's just get into the shittiness of this weekend's game and agree that none of us really no what the hell is going on and there is no such thing as a lock. I mean, hell, when the Cowboys win a playoff game, our beliefs of football are shaken to the core.

5. USC - Uh oh. This doesn't look good. Pete Carroll isn't just leaving just to leave. It's quite obvious that he is in love with Matt Barkley. The only reason why I can see him moving on to Seattle is that the NCAA is about ready to drop a shitstorm on the Trojans. He is pulling a Calipari here. Getting the fuck out of town before he gets crushed. Will Petey succeed in Seattle? I don't know. He really wasn't that bad during his first go-round in the NFL. But the Seahawks are a fairly large rebuild right now. That whole offense needs to be re-tooled. Maybe he will try to acquire Matt Leinart. As far as USC goes, I have a feeling that they may be heading back toward mediocrity in the near future. At least they will always own the Big Ten.

4. Chris Henry's memory - What a pathetic performance by the Bengals. You could make the case that over the past month, Cincy was the worst team in the AFC North and it wasn't even close. They sucked. Carson Palmer is terrible. He really is. His arm is weak now and he makes terrible decisions. In my opinion, he's a below average NFL QB. Maybe he's hurt, but Palmer has still never shown to me that he is an elite franchise QB. And nice performance by Shayne Graham, too. Missing two chip shot field goals will send you to the unemployment line rather quickly. By the way, commenter jessegscott actually owns a Shayne Graham jersey. Seriously. Dude bought a kicker's jersey. Good luck wearing that around town and not getting your ass kicked this week. In conclusion, the Bengals suck cock and will finish 6-10 next season.

3. Donovan McNabb - I will never understand why anyone would think that he is a stud QB. He's a loser. He always has been. That was embarrassing. Granted, the Cowboys are playing unusually well for this time of year, but still. Not only did the Eagles lose to Wade Phillips and Romo in the playoffs, they were DESTROYED by Wade and Romo in the playoffs. Someone should remind Andy Reid that when you have a crappy QB, you should probably run the ball more than 13 times. Just sayin'. I think Mr. Ace is going to verbally butt rape his team tomorrow so we'll leave it at that.

2. Tom Brady - I had a feeling that the Pats would struggle to score, but I didn't see that coming. Brady has been mediocre all season long and yesterday was a microcosm of his season. He was a turnover machine and in the end, his inability to take care of the football sent the Pats home early. Normally, I would be all shits and giggles over this but I don't want to see the Ravens play anymore. They are boring as shit, Ray Lewis is a faggot, and Joe Flacco molests beagles when he isn't being terrible. I think that this is the beginning of the end for the Pats dynasty. The defense sucks. The offense isn't dynamic anymore. They can't run the ball. Belichick's ego is starting to get the best of him. I love it.

1. Defense in the Desert - Now THAT was a great football game that saved the weekend for football fans everywhere. Who doesn't love a game where the last team with the ball wins. That being said, it shouldn't have been that easy. Both quarterbacks did whatever the fuck they wanted to. In the end, the QB who is closer with Jesus was obviously going to win. Jesus Saves, I'm told. Charles Woodson was horrendous. AJ Hawk continues to be underwhelming. That sure as shit didn't look like the 2nd best defense in the NFL. And nice job, Neil Rackers. He blows. If the Cardinals don't fix their secondary, they will give up 70 next Saturday in the Dome.

Speaking of that, why the fuck is Arizona/New Orleans on Saturday afternoon? Shouldn't that be the Sunday game since, you know, THE CARDS PLAYED YESTERDAY!!! Why is a team who just advanced in the playoffs playing on a short week? This makes no sense. The Cowboys/Vikings game should be the primetime game on Saturday. Can anyone explain this? The NFL schedule makers should win the award for worst performance of the week because Arizona is getting fucked over and the Boys are being rewarded with an extra day off. Fuck that. The only thing that Dallas deserves is a nuclear bomb dropped on it.


Grumpy said...

Hey dickhead, you may have been 2-2 ATS, but you were 1-3 in your picks. Stop fellating yourself, you have Mr. Ace for that.

GMoney said...

I realize that but you don't make (or stay even) money picking winners, faggot. Anyone can do that. Who do you respect more: Frank Caliendo or Jimmy The Greek?

Grumpy said...

So give us your picks ATS so we can all profit.

GMoney said...

And Baltimore is getting fucked with a short week, too. Peter King did not mention this this morning and instead devoted 1800 words to Drew Brees's lactose intolerance. Thanks, douche.

Grump, if you bet against my picks this weekend, you would have went...2-2. Did you take math/meth classes at Bowling Green?

Mr. Ace said...

First, I knew exactly what was going on. I knew the Eagles were in trouble, I think I made that pretty obvious with me zero confidence level. The Packers kinda got butt raped by the refs last night. Rodgers got face-masked on that last play and it should have been called, Rodgers got drilled with a helmet to helmet late hit on the Packers last real drive in the 4th that would have changed the game if called correctly,and Fitz was raping defenders on every pass play. I think the smart money was on the Packers last night, but oh well. Watching Mrs. Ace lose her mind was worth the wrong pick.

Arizona is going to get slaughtered Saturday.

I can't wait for USC to drop to the bottom of the PAC-10.

AJ Hawk is fucking awful. Woodson saved the game for the Packers with that strip.

Mr. Ace said...

Also, suck Robert Morris's balls.

GMoney said...

Ooooh shit, I was hoping no one saw those Robert Morris scores. Not good at all.

Tony B. said...

I also wondered if Pete Carroll would try to acquire Matt Leinart. I imagine the Cardinals would be ok with giving him up because he would still be throwing the ball to the Cardinals two games a year.

Grumpy said...

If I had bet against your picks I would have had:

Jets: outright win
Cowboys: outright win
Ravens: outright win
Packers: didn't cover

That would leave me 3-1, not 2-2. Those evening classes at Marshall did you no good.

SSReporters said...

I'd rather munch on fossilized dinosaur crap than bring Leinart here.

Just draft a QB and pray he's the new Matt Ryan, because I can't take much more of Hasselsuck.

Anonymous said...

That Jersey is either headed to the Goodwill store or getting burned. I did here a joke today.

Shayne Graham tried to commit suicide last night....

but he couldn't kick the chair out from under him..

Heard in on the radio.