Monday, January 18, 2010

The Worst of The Divisional Round Vol.III

God dammit, it's getting harder and harder to defend my "NFL is superior" argument when they continue to offer 1 good game out of 4 in the playoffs. This is getting ridiculous. Sure, if you are a gambler, the over/under will keep you paying attention, but still. Ugh. I have a feeling that both championship games on Sunday will be good, but I wouldn't bet on it. One thing I would like to say before we get started with the hate, is that Dan Dierdorf is a great color commentator. There, I said it. Yeah, he has a lisp and tends to overanalyze things, but I like him anyway. He drops good insight all the time and you can tell he loves the game. He and Gumbel should be the A team for CBS. Dierdorf rules. I stand by this. The non-DD's from the weekend:

5. Rocky Top - Who, or what, is a fucking "Derek Dooley"? Tennessee is one of the best jobs in the country and they are settling on some asshole from La Tech? I don't get it. Who cares about who his dad is? I guess my biggest bitch is that they didn't even contact Mike Leach. This would have been a perfect fucking fit. Leach already looks like a fat Vince Gill. He would have instantly been a top 3-5 coach in the conference yet they hire a guy who is, and will remain, the worst coach in the conference. This is just an embarrassing hire. But then again, when the fucking coach from Duke says that he isn't interested, maybe it isn't such a great job anyway. At least we now know that Tennessee is a stepping stone job. That should shut those SEC assfingerbangers up for a little bit. Derek Dooley...he'll be gone in three years. Better start the coaching search now.

4. Arizona "Defense" - Counting the second half of the Packers game and the first half of the Saints game, the Arizona defense gave up 70 points. SEVENTY. They forced one punt in that time frame. Holy shit. They would finish in the bottom half of the MAC with a defense like that. But really, no one showed up for the Cards on Saturday and the Saints appear to be scary again. Which is good. I've seen enough of the Cardinals. They needed to go away. The Saints are more fun to watch anyway. I seriously thought that Kurt Warner may have pulled the ol' Gaines Adams on that hit in the second quarter. A shot like that will make it pretty easy for him to retire in the next few weeks. As far as the Saints go, what the hell got into Reggie Bush? He finally looked like the game-changing player that we all thought he would be. In the amount of time that it took you to read this, Arizona gave up another 21 points.

3. Ray Rice/Ed Reed - The Ravens appeared to have no business being on the field this weekend. I'm not going to hammer Joe Flacco for sucking though. No one, outside of Mr. Ace, thinks that he is worth a shit anyway. The Ravens needed a huge game out of Ray Rice and instead they got an equivalent to Julius fucking Jones. Between dropping passes and his red zone fumble, this was not Rice's finest hour. Baltimore did have a chance though after the one pass that Peyton threw over 6 yards downfield was picked off by Reed. But he carries the ball like it's a dirty diaper and Mr. Haiti punched it free. Is it just me or is Reed sort of overrated? He doesn't make nearly as many plays as he used to and it seems like he's always hurt. Sounds like he might be retiring this offseason. How fucking pathetic is it that this was the first time that the Colts have won a playoff game coming off of a bye. Tony Dungy, ladies and gentlemen!!! What a legend! The Colts better get their shit together because they aren't going to win the Super Bowl by throwing pussy passes. And they do NOT match up well against the Jets.

2. Norville/Philip Rivers/Nate Kaeding - Out of all the games this weekend, to me, the Jets winning was the least likely upset. Clearly, I know nothing. How dare I give Norv Turner credit. But I can't put it all on him. His QB was awful. Just awful. But that's why I like it. It is a lot of fun to watch a dickhead live Rivers fail. His stupid lofty passes are a joke. Also a joke, LaDainian Tomlinson. Man, he sucks. He should just retire. And let's not forget about Nasty Nate Kaeding either. Did you ever notice that he makes everything during the regular season yet misses everything in the playoffs? This is not new. He does it EVERY year. He is a fucking choker. Three missed field goals? Come on, homo. You know what, this game isn't on Norv at all. It's on the players. They gagged again. And I think I might need to start giving some respect to the Jets. That defense is just sick. Shonn Greene is going to be a stud for a long time. I don't know what the spread will be in Indy next week, but I'm guessing it's over a touchdown and I'm guessing that the Jets will play it tighter than that. Fireman Ed can still go fuck himself though.

1. TONY ROMO! SHAUN SUISHAM! - How awesome was that? Not only did the Vikings destroy Dallas in every facet of the game, BUT THEY RAN UP THE SCORE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! LOL! ZOMG! ROFLMFAO! Amazing. That was great. How fucking horrible was Romo. Two fumbles lost, a ridiculously bad pick, and was the holder for two shanks...let's just give him 5 turnovers for the day. Let this be a lesson, Tony Romo still can not be trusted. Not that I needed to remind you of that anyway. You all aren't that stupid. Shaun Suisham made me chuckle with his uber-fucktardery, too. He should never see an NFL field again. I don't know what was more absurd in this game: Marion Barber acting like a jackass after a 4 yard gain in the first quarter or the fact that the Dallas kickoff kicker wears gloves? What an objectionable franchise. I think Sidney Rice just scored again. The Vikes looked like the real deal but they need All Day to get more than 2.5 ypc if they want to have a chance next Sunday night. That won't get it done. But I can forgive Purple Jesus because for once he was not the fumbling machine on the field. I think Romo just turned the ball over again.

Another football season, another year without a Super Bowl for Jerry Jones. I'll take it. I went 5-3 on my picks (Lil Strut and Drew went 6-2...Mr. Ace went 2-6 and is bring up the rear). Not great, but still "profitable". The games next week better be a lot fucking better than the shit we've seen in the playoffs so far. But that means another week of listening to Mike Greenberg act like a fag...dammit. At least the Cowboys are we can all focus our hatred toward Favre. That worked out well.


Anonymous said...

As you said...I brought my followers a 6-2 weekend...not too shabby at all.

I find that I am in the minority, in that I really like Rex Ryan. I think the Jets style of play actually really resembles his personality. Also...Nick Mangold is a fucking beast.


rstiles said...

I agree with u about Tenn....why did they settle on dooley??

Mr. Ace said...

First of all, cum stain, I went 3-5 and I wanted to change my Dallas pick but wasn't allowed.

Drew, I like Rex Ryan. He's not afraid to say whatever the fuck he wants and he always has his players backs and the players obviously appreciate it.

How did Warner come back into the game? I thought he was going to have to be taken off on a stretcher.

I can't believe I slightly began to buy in to Tony Romo, that will never happen again.

Mr. Ace said...

Also, Cutcliffe was all ready to go to Rocky Top but Tennessee told him he couldn't bring his own staff because Tenn still has to pay some Kiffins old boys through next year. That's why he didn't go.

GMoney said...

My mistake for not giving you credit on a 3-5 weekend.

I'm coming around on the Jets, too. I think they can win in Indy.

Early lines: NO -4.5, IND -7.5

Dustin said...

Ace- I think G$ clearly wrote that nobody would be allowed to change their picks. Shut the fuck up. 4-4 is still a loser you piece of shit!!!

How about Michigan storming the court after beating UCONN!!! What a fucking joke. Uconn had already lost 2 in a row and has been struggling. They won't even be ranked this week. That just shows how shitty it is to be a Michigan fan. How depressing. Way to show the world how faggy you are.

Rex Ryan is proof that Rob Ryan would be a sick NFL coach. Dear Browns: do not let him go. Ever.

Mr. Ace said...

Dustin, who fucked you in the ass and didn't leave you their number?

Dustin said...

Ace- I apologize from my angry rant. I am just upset today at my company's racism. Its 2010, and there are no black people employed, and I have to work. WTF.

Mr. Ace said...

G$, Your boy Peter Vaas is going to South Florida to be Offensive Coordinator... Now the Redhawks will be even worse than last year.

GMoney said...

I saw that. I'm not too worried. He's only good at beating the Toledo Rockets anyway.

Anonymous said...

That's why i hate soccer players you can never trust them to make one fucking kick